Guruji affect

This morning, I practiced right in front of Guruji’s office and next to the wall. The wall made things a bit tough sometimes but still it was great. I was surrounded with men so there was lots of male energy around me, but in a good way, just strong energy. During Prasarita Padottanasana C Guruji came and said “head down, hands down”. It was funny because my hands were hitting against the wall and I was trying to move a bit back so I can get down… At the end, during backbends, Guruji came and began waiting in front of me. After the third one, he gently pulled me up and made me do three back drops one after another and three back&forths and the last back drop with moving hands in, each time saying “exhaaal”. They were intense and deep and great! After practice, when I went to pay my respects to Guruji, he asked me “where are you from?” I said “Turkiye, Turkey”, he said in a bit confused way “Turkey?” I guess he does not get many students from Turkey. So I said “I was in London for a year and my teacher was Cary Perkins”, then he said “one year?” well, it has not been a whole year since I began practicing Mysore style and unfortunately I could not practice for a whole year with Cary but I was in London for a year so I said “yes” and left…
So far, practice in the shala has been very inspiring, energizing! I really appreciate this opportunity and I really believe it will bring out what I have inside and improve my practice. The only bummer is that the shala is closed for 12 days at the end of December. What to do, what to do?? Got a decide.
One last note; I still have moments of “What the hell I am doing here”, especially when I go to bed at night. I guess one reason for that is, I still cannot let go this other very busy world and be here wholly and some other reasons as well…

Who goes first???

I woke up at 3AM this morning with the sound of the pouring rain. For a while, I thought it was so nice and then suddenly I remembered the clothes that I washed and hanged out! That was enough to not let me go back to sleep until I have to wake up. I was at the shala by 6AM. There were several people waiting. I began waiting as well and then more people came. The last person who came in asked me who came the last, and I said several people came in after me but I am not sure. At this instant, they were only shouting from inside “one more, come in!” So Sharat was not coming out and picking out people. Few more people went in, and then people began getting anxious, who goes next and who does not. One girl said to me it is not who arrived first, it is who registered first, and then I think someone else asked her when they told her to come in. She said “6:30 but I came a bit earlier” (30 minutes earlier!). And the woman who came the last authoritatively told us that it is only the very old students of Guruji goes by registration (or privileged in some manner I guess) and the others go in according to when they arrive that morning. As soon as she said this, they called her in even though she was last to arrive! I loved that, it was so good! It is also amazing how they feel what is going on out there, in the waiting area. Sharat suddenly began picking people instead of shouting one more. So, I was called in a bit after. I was put right in the front, in between two people who were practicing intermediate. The girl on my left, I have practiced with her side by side on one Sunday at Hamish’s. After she finished, Hamish came in her spot! It was very inspiring to be practicing in between all these people who had great practice. They let me do my practice again without any intervention. At the end, Sharat came to help me with backdrops. I said I can drop back but cannot come up, he said “you come up first then you drop back”. He made me do three going back and forths and one drop back.
After breakfast I went into town, to get myself gold earrings! I first went to the shop I was recommended but I found nothing there that was like what I wanted. So, I went into the smaller shop which was next to it and there I found the perfect gold round earrings with dangling stones! I bought them and came back. On my way to home, I stopped by Kumar’s house just to see if I can make an appointment with him (he is super busy). He was at home luckily. I told him that I would like to have a massage from him and also that I am considering to take his next massage class. First, he said that if I am still here in December, I can take it but then he said that he will begin this super intensive massage course with another person. It is 7 hours a day for 14 days. He said that is why he is so busy and how he will not be able to give any massages during that time. But that sounded perfect because I want to take massage course and he said you get so many massages when you are doing the course. I am so excited and I will definitely take it. One other thing which makes me so sure that I want to take Kumar’s course is that there was a big Osho picture in his house and there were Osho sayings written around. When I told him that I am from Turkey, he said this other person who would lead the class with him goes to Turkey a lot and I might know him. I told him that my sister might know him since she works in Osho center and goes to Puna every year, and she will be there in January and me too (hopefully!). Then he said that he will go to Puna in January also! He also told me that he does Osho meditation everyday and I should stop by! I am very excited because I feel like this is the other thing I should definitely do here and him being an Osho devotee is also very comforting and would make sister so happy!! Cannot wait to let her know!

Moving forward

This was meant to be published yesterday but blogger is not cooperating in these days. Mercury retro does it I guess...
Sunday OCT 29th
Today was led primary at 5am. I woke up pretty early and I am staying so close to the shala but I was late! Well, I thought if I would be there too early no one would be there, but that was wrong, everyone gets there early to get a spot and especially on Sunday mornings because there is only one primary led class on Sundays and so many who comes to that one. Anyways, I managed to squeeze myself into some corner and managed to do the practice somehow from that corner! I learned my lesson though!
Practice was good, very good. Sharat led it and I like his pace. While leaving I asked him 6:30 tomorrow morning, right? He said “you came at 6”! That made me happy because last Thursday, he was already gone for his own class in the middle of my practice. So, now I might get some guidance… even if I do not, it seems like just practicing here seems to be making lots of difference in my practice. For example, I tend to have hard time with left side when binding for Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana but today Sharat was walking around me so I said to myself “okay just catch it and lean forward… don’t think much.” I guess sometimes fear can make you do somethings that you think you cannot do…
Other than practice, it seems like I making friends. I enjoy Christine’s company who also stayed at Shakti house for a day when she first came in. We had breakfast at Shakti house with this American couple who also just arrived…
For the rest of the day, I don’t have any plans. I will see what comes up.

Running around...

Today was supposed to be a rest day but I have been running around. Woke up before 8am, went to Tina’s for breakfast since they had no breakfast at Shakti house. It was very good food, I had high protein porridge and it was really high protein! I met a nice Italian girl there and told her about my housing situation, my reservations about staying without being able to cook. She had a friend who will need a roommate in November so she took me there. Her friend was also very nice, she told me that I can stay in their living room for couple of days if I need to. Then on my way back to Shakti, I saw this other girl whom I met during my first day at dinner. She also told me that there is this place where her friends lives ad there they might have an opening soon. So, she took me over there since it was only five minutes away. I guess it is the rule that you say what you need then you get help, I was worrying so much last night and when it is all in your head, problems get bigger than they really are. Everyone knows something or someone and they are willing to help you. Anyways, her friend was also very nice and actually she turned out to be Eric’s student when he was teaching in the States. The room in that house is going to be available tomorrow, I saw it, it is okay, but I guess the previous place I saw was nicer. Then I went to talk to Shiva. Told him that I need a place where I can cook. He said there might me this flat available after October 3rd. He told me that I have already paid Gita some money so I better spent a week in her house and see if I find something better. He also told me to go and get a contact number (which means go get a SIM card for my phone) so he can contact me when there are flats, rooms that he can show me. I ran to a phone shop, but they needed a copy of my id so ran across the street to do that (the rickshaw, scooter/motorbike frenzy is making me dizzy, takes long time to cross the streets), then back to the shop and it took a while for me to figure out what I was getting, why it did not have a pin number (it just does not have that is what I figured) and what I was paying for in terms of minutes, how to make international calls (conclusion is just don’t, let them call you!), I guess I drove the guy crazy with all the questions... not to forget, they want a photo of yours as well! I also got an adaptor for my charger. Then I went to Gita to tell her that I will stay for a week. She is so nice! She said that she cooks for yoga students and her food is not so spicy but she was very understanding. Therefore, I will spend a week there. Her house has a very good energy though, it feels so right for some reason but I need to be able to do some simple cooking… When I was moving in, she had some yogis for lunch. She asked me if I want to try her food but I declined because I just did not want to interfere with these people’s lunch since they made a reservation for this special, intimate lunch beforehand…
I will see what comes across… Tomorrow is led practice at 5am! Cannot wait.

Mysore begins!

So I made it to Mysore. It was a tiring journey. My plane from Istanbul landed at 3:30 am to Bombay and then I had to wait for 6 hours for my other flight to Bangalore. When I arrived to Bangalore, the driver Shiva sent was there, thanks god. On the way to Mysore, even though I tried to keep my head up and have my first glimpses of India, my head kept falling like a junkie’s… I thought that when I arrive to Mysore, I will sleep all day but once I was there, I was all awake. I even managed to register with a bit of goofiness on my part because I did not have enough money when paying Guruji! Well, he was nice, so I went back to the ATM machine and got more money and I was set.
Yesterday was my first practice. They called me to come at 6:30am. I was really nervous that I would do something silly, fall onto someone or something. Guruji was not around much and later in the middle of my practice Sharat left, I guess to lead his own classes. Saraswati helped me with coming up from backdrops! She is so strong, I have never been pulled up that strongly before. SO I did the whole primary without being stopped, but I am not sure if that will be the case for the rest of my stay. Today was a led class. Sharat told us to come at 6am but we waited outside for a good half an hour. Then we were led by Guruji and he is FAST!
Other than all this, yesterday I went to the city, to this store recommended by Shakti house and got a yoga rug for 280 rupees! Today, I went to Ashok bookstore in the city with C who just arrived this morning around 4am, she is also staying at the Shakti temporarily… kind of made a friend I guess… Ohh also, I found a place, a room in an Indian ladies house, she is renting out her rooms to female yoga students. I am suppose to move in tomorrow but now I have doubts because I will not be able to cook!
How do I feel? I kind of want to be invisible some of the times. It fells awkward. I guess part of me developed an anthropologist eventually after this one year program at LSE . I feel responsible, feel like intruding in local people’s lives. But then I am aware that they make their lives on yoga students…
Still searching for the truth, but it seems nowhere close yet…

The big day!

Yes, I am off to Mysore this evening! I am so excited! And this morning, after so many weeks, I had a rocking practice! I woke up at 5:30 am, it was great, I have been having hard time waking up since I have been here in Istanbul, and I was worrying how I will mange in Mysore, I guess I will need be at the Shala around 5 am, right? I believe this is related to the wonderful Skype talk I had with Cary! Now I understand how important it is to have a good teacher, even talking to her over the internet can influence my practice for the better, think how it can help when I study with a good teacher! It was great to talk to her before I leave for Mysore.
I know it will be great! And as Cary said, I am so lucky to be going to Mysore in my first year of practice. I don’t care at all what others thing here about Mysore, I know I will benefit a lot, my practice will benefit a lot externally and internally! And about all that bandha talk, as I assumed, Cary told me that it is not so realistic to expect someone to get bandhas right in their first year of practice and she said you learn it almost intuitively as you practice, suddenly it clicks. Anyways, I should stop worrying about all this talk in Istanbul, criticism of Mysore etc… I am beginning a great journey! I will for sure have much more interesting stuff to write about when I am in Mysore!

Lazy me

I am not lazy with my practice, I am lazy with my writing. I have been reading; I read a book, I read the papers, I read other people’s blogs, I comment on other people blogs but I am not writing my own blog… Well, sister is back from Israel so it will be more fun to hang out in her house, without her super bored cats attacking me to feed them or pet them or release them from the house. Now I can spend more time there and use my beloved imac.
Last week, there was only one led ashtanga class, I was planning to go to Saturday open class too but then I thought it would be just fair to give my body a rest after no rest for almost two weeks. Also, I began realizing that there are things I need to do before I take off to Mysore such as ordering more contact lenses of which I have non left etc… I was actually considering getting laser surgery to get rid of glasses and contact lenses but I am going back to my no way stance, it is just a inner voice which does not approve of it…
Anyways, last Wednesday’s class was good and before class I got to talk to Eric for a while. He is negative of Mysore which is no news by now. He told me that I might need to take joint supplements since my knee had been bothering me a bit and since it is known that they are not so gentle on knees in Mysore… He also said it might be my mind playing games with me before I leave… I don’t know about how they are over there, I just want to go and see for myself. I don’t like to take people’s words for everything especially when there are so many controversial opinions about something… I just feel like I will be all right there and I really need it. And about my mind playing games, well that might be true, I am a bit nervous, keep thinking at what asana they will stop me and all that… but I am being gentle with knees, I know they like to go on their own pace.

Moon day practice!

I have been silent for a while, well maybe a bit lazy… also I keep my laptop in my sister’s apartment since she has a wireless internet connection, so if I don’t spend so much time over there, then I lag behind my writing…
In between my last blog and now, I committed a violation. I went to a class on Saturday, which was also the moon day. It was Eric’s class but not an ashtanga class, it was an “open” class. So, we did lots of balancing which was a bit dreadful but very beneficial for me since my balance is not so good. I guess I will go this coming Saturday as well, especially because we have only one ashtanga led class this week because of some schedule adjustment for a visiting Kundalini yoga teacher. But then starting next week, we will have three led ashtanga classes! Then I am off to India (hopefully)! I am still waiting for self-practice classes, maybe they will be in schedule when I come back from Mysore.
Okay, nothing so interesting going on. Still trying to come up form my backdrops but it does not feel likely any time soon… I guess I will feel lots going on when I get to Mysore, so I will be more interesting to read. Also, what can I say when I am practicing by myself most of the time. Ohh one thing is my right knee. It suddenly began hurting yesterday, on the inner side, it is a weird pain, like burning… it is not too much but it got me worried a bit, I want to be injury free when I get to Mysore.
And my achy tooth, it is getting better. I guess I will be fine before my trip!
One last thing I have to add is I love The Flaming Lips!

Not a threat

This week’s led practices at the shala were actually fine. I think I am getting used to the environment and the environment is getting use to my presence. Monday evening Eric decided to do second series! Of course we did not do the whole second, but the asanas we did were okay… I am still finding it unconventional but this is how my journey is shaping, so I should go with the flow as long as it is not something so unacceptable. Yesterday evening was fun too. First of all, as usual I got to the shala half on hour before the class. However, this time I could not go to the room to sit in meditation because Eric was giving a private lesson, so I had to sit with my favorite character in class, that woman who had been distressing me. I guess this is universe’s way of straightening our attitudes. So, we had to communicate for about a half an hour, well of course we did not have to but we did. I told her about my trip to Mysore, we talked about being vegetarian, becoming a teacher, how evening classes are a bit of a drag… I guess she is actually harmless. She has some insecurities and that is why she was the way she was to me in the beginning. But I think she realized that I am not a threat and I am just there to do my practice… I actually think that we might even have some of the same insecurities but the way they come out from two different persons is also different… I usually become self depreciating… Anyways, enough of analyzing…
I keep in touch with my yoga friends in London. I miss them so much. I miss morning Mysore classes. Actually, last night Eric wanted to do a Mysore class but people were too afraid of not being led and, so they objected. I think they are not aware that they will do fine, no need to be a pro. I guess that is how everyone feels in the beginning, I did not think I could do self practice classes until I took Tony’s introduction to ashtanga yoga workshop… and then it took a month for me to actually go to Mysore classes but that was because I thought I would not be able to wake up at 6am in the morning. Now I miss waking up early and going to shala to practice with everyone else. I also wake up early to do my own self-practice at home but for some reason, I don’t feel quite awake, like I did when I practiced in the studio with everyone else. Ohh I miss Cary very much as well. I keep in touch with her too, and we will see each other in Mysore, we will have a whole month to spend together!
The latest update on the tooth ache is that it is getting better, less achy but at night it gets worse… will see my dentist today. On Monday, I cried in the dentist chair ☹ I had so many troubles with my teeth, dental surgeries and all, now I freak out and also it was hurting and he kept asking all these questions… Hopefully it will be over before my trip.

Root Canal

I am having a root canal done to one of my teeth. Yesterday, my dentist cleaned the canals but at night my tooth began aching. Still I went out with my sister who had really wanted to get me out. But I did not survive for long. It had been a while since I have been in Istanbul nightlife scene, but it seems like I have grown out of it. It was so smoky I thought I was going to suffocate. Not drinking actually felt good, I was myself which is really much better than drunk me. I stayed a bit and then after having few people’s drinks spill over me, I head home for the sake of my lungs. Today my tooth is still achy : (, if I forget and chew anything on it, it makes me teary. I will go to my dentist on Monday. I hope he can fix it.
The good news is I have my ticket to Mysore for October 24th, and I already reserved a room at Shakti for my first three nights in Mysore! When I am there, I will try to find a cheaper accommodation for the rest of my stay!

Second series try out?

Last night was my third time with Eric’s led class. This time I took care of hiding back at the corner, just concentrating on my practice. As I write this, it feels funny because I am writing about my yoga practice, it is one of the few things during the day that I should not be concerned about such stuff, being visible or invisible, concentrating on what I am doing or not… Anyways, I guess going to shala with this frame of mind, being determined to do only my practice and not be concerned about anything else worked. I know this will make ma a bit unsocial but I am open to any friendly person so if someone approaches me warmly, I will respond with the same way. However, at the moment, there will be no effort on my part to socialize. Also, I am leaving in less than a month for three months, so it should be okay.
Last night’s practice was fun but I guess unconventional because Eric threw in second series after Navasana. This was my first time ever trying anything in second series. I was very unsuccessful with Pasasana, but I did fine with others, especially Ustrasana , Vajrasana , Laghu Vajrasana , Kapotasana Vinyasa in were very good before back drops, they opened up my back really well, and also I felt like they might be very helpful in getting my back stronger, which I need for getting back up from my back drops. Yes, still working on trying to come up after dropping back. In London, Charlie told me that my lower back does all the work in my back drops but one part of the body is not enough to bring up my whole body afterwards… That made sense and felt right since my lower back was aching a bit lately… Eric also things I need to get my upper back stronger… so work on that… how? Well, as Charlie suggested, holding my back bends longer. I would like to be able to come up before heading to Mysore. But if it does not happen, it is not a big deal, it just means I am not ready yet, so I will work on it until it happens, and it will at some point, I know ☺ because so many things which seemed like never going to work began working… sometimes I have hard time believing, so this will also happen when it is time…
Ohhh, yes I am in a much better mood. Also, Sri K. Pattabhi Jois was in my dream last night. I don’t remember the dream much at all, but it should be nice. I am picking up my ticket this afternoon! So excited.
These night classes are a bit tiring, especially my morning practice afterwards… Well, they might help me get stronger, back-to-back practice…

Few more thoughts

Few more notes on my break down last nite. Afterwards I talked to my sister on the phone. She told me that I should not take everyone so seriously and also I should not restrain myself because of other people as long as I do not harm anyone. She told me that woman is also mirroring somethings to me, and letting me go through a process. I guess she has a point. I see how insecure, how unprepared I am for the real world. I have been in a very welcoming environment in London but I cannot find the same circumstances everywhere. Also, maybe she was mirroring some of the things I hold within me but too disturbed with, so when I face them I get really bothered. What are they? I might be too discriminative against people whom I don’t know, maybe I am also arrogant some of the times… So, the thing is to change myself first, then she will not be able to bother me. I believe my sister will become a very good therapist because she is already a good one. After talking to her I was much calmer and had a good night’s sleep.

Excessively Intuitive

I call myself excessively intuitive. I went to my second led ashtanga class in Istanbul. I guess I was in a bad mood to begin with and then I even felt more hopeless when I began feeling that all is show off here… I just cannot bare pretentious people… I am weak, yes absolutely weak because I am giving into this b….s.… In the middle of practice tears began rolling down my cheeks. Then I continued my practice… But the real blow off came during backdrops. Eric was helping few of us with backdrops. At one point he said that if we feel like it we can give a little push to our neighbor at Paschimottanasana , and since I had helped with adjustments to Cary in London and I really like to do it and also I think that it is quite nice when someone gives you a little more push at Paschimottanasana after backdrops, I gave a little help to the woman in front of me. But then that teacher wanna be woman lift her head and gave me a look full off disdain and ridicule, which made feel really bad. I know I am being too sensitive. I should feel more confident, instead of insecure and under critical eyes of people. I knew what I was doing and on top of everything I did it because our teacher suggested it. But at the moment I felt horrible and until the end of the practice I could not stop my tears… While on my way home I kept thinking what I am going to do. I felt that one thing that made me get up in the morning, gave me a reason to go on and not be depressed is being taken away from me. But then I am being too excessively sensitive. I will have to learn how to face these kind of situations and people because they are inevitable. I will come across to these kind of people from time to time like everyone does. I have to toughen up.
The good news is I reserved my ticket for October 24th to Bombay and from Bombay to Bangalore. Tomorrow morning I am going to Indian consulate to apply for a Visa. I should be excited not in tears… uhhh I am so silly sometimes. It is all in my head, I can let people destroy me or I can choose to continue in my happy pace… I will try to work on the latter…
It was nice to have two days of with the full moon. Tomorrow morning will be tough after tonight’s class but it is ok, it is my self practice....

Ashtanga in Istanbul

I went to my first class last night, yes 7:30pm is night for me as someone who goes to bed around 9:30pm. It was really hot and I sweated loads. There were not so many people I guess partly because it was a week day and also people kind of find it difficult maybe (Eric was saying something about scaring people)… Eric is the teacher. So he did an almost full primary (skipped Setu Bandhasana for some reason but I did it anyways, I feel like I have to learn to behave in led classes that are modified!) It was okay, but he does everything maybe ten breaths, definitely not 5, and then I find his adjustments kind of weird which I will not go into… After class this hatha teacher, who also was in the class, told me that I had a good practice but then suddenly start telling me that I should be sitting on my sitting bones more properly because Eric says the other way is bad for your something… I was like whooaahh you were watching me during practice and you are telling me to correct myself? (of course not out loud) Okay, I got frustrated afterwards, I usually get frustrated after not at the moment… I was frustrated because even if I were doing something wrong it was not her place to tell me to correct it because our teacher was Eric, I believe he can tell me that. Then my own stupidity, of course I instead of saying thank you to her initial complement, mumbled something like “ohh I have been doing Mysore classes every morning, it is that” so trying to say everyone can do it if you do it every morning… I am so bad with receiving complements, anyways she made a U turn from her complement too quickly anyways… I also went on and said that there are people with really great practice who are on their second series among my yogi friends in London. This is funny because she said there is not much difference between first and second series so no big deal! Ha! Okay I am mean, mean person but I get irritated with shows offs and arrogance and ignorance on top of all. I just said “uhh they are kind of different, first series is mostly forward bends and second series is more of back bending asanas…” and she had to say himmm yes, but I guess she did not know the difference to begin with… So my struggle of not to be arrogant myself against people who will lack humbleness and will get into power struggle with someone like me who has no interest but just annoyance with such things…
Anyways, I have to concentrate on my won practice instead of being occupied with these kind of stuff. I am going to Mysore next months, yes it is kind of official. I will go to the travel agency tomorrow and then apply for my visa in the beginning of October (sister says to do it this way because they are stingy in giving visa time in Turkey for some reason). I am sooo excited.
One last thing; morning practice is very difficult following a night class!

No more a London blogger...

I am no more a London, UK blogger. I am an Istanbul blogger now on, at least until my trip to Mysore. I arrived at midnight. My sweet dad was at the airport to take me home. Mom was asleep when we got home but woke up quickly… I took a shower and jumped into the bed. I was up this morning before 7am, not so bad considering the time difference. Istanbul is 2 hours ahead, so I technically woke up before 5 am. Today I am planning to go to ashtanga led class at the yoga studio, (Yoga Sala) I used to go before moving to London, so I did not practice this morning. I don’t know how this evening class will be for me, it is at 7:30pm; at least it could be at 6:30 like Yoga Place evening classes. I guess they make (well I know it pretty well) people work much longer hours in Turkey… I don’t even want to begin thinking about that. No, first taking care of myself, resting and traveling, going to Mysore, no one is behind me chasing. I need to relax…. And not getting myself in any situation which will become dreading…
Now back with parents again. We will see how it will all go. They think I lost too much weight; next they will begin complaining about my practice? Well, I have to stand up for myself without getting furious; temper doesn’t help much does it? I should know better now. On the other hand, it was very nice to hug them last night. It is very comforting to know that they are always there, very welcoming, warm… I am grateful for having them.
Yesterday I did my last practice at Yoga Place. It was nice. My friends gave me a card which I was suppose to read in the plane but couldn’t because BA people snatched my backpack at the airport. I hardly rescued my laptop, passport and wallet and they handed in one of those bags one usually sees in huge sizes, often used by Eastern Europeans for carrying huge amounts of textile goods from Turkey to their country, but this was in laptop size, very fashionable. Well I might use it for my own daily purposes; it is kind of cute in that size… Anyways… I read the card when I arrived home; it was very nice... I hope to see them all, it was very pleasant to practice with them every morning, and I will miss that very much. On the other hand, before leaving London I managed to write and mail my letter to Guruji, so to initiate my trip to Mysore already. It will be all good… So, begins a new chapter…

Last day in London

Last day in London. I thought I was going to spoil myself today. Going to Covent Garden, having vegan ice ream at Neal’s Yard and coffee from Monmouth Coffee shop… Instead, it turned out to be hectic after practice. I kept running between the bank and this place from which I was suppose to receive a refund. First, I closed my bank account, not realizing that the refund did not come through yet, hen it had to be not closed so I could get my refund back when it comes through… This person and I could not figure out what would be the cheapest way to get my money and then close my account when I am in Turkey, both wire transfers and checks costs $. But then I figured out on my way back that it is the ATM! So, I had to run back because they took my card away in the bank. At the time when I arrived they have already destroyed it. But they reordered it since my account is not closed. In the beginning, I was getting frustrated but then I realized that this might be a sign from the universe! Maybe this account is not meant to be closed (yeah kind of so I can get my refund…) maybe I will be back in London, or maybe it has nothing to do with anything. But it made me feel less anxious, so this is what counts.
Ohh, I enjoyed London a lot. It was both very difficult and very enjoyable, refreshing. School and certain individuals wore me down but then a new world opened up for me with ashtanga, so I survived all that rubbish. Summer is ending or is already over. It is getting dark before 8 pm and it is still dark when I am walking to Yoga Place in the morning. Change is inevitable so I am off tomorrow afternoon. I will do my last practice (for now) with my yoga friends and the new teacher tomorrow morning… I wish C were here so I could hug her goodbye tomorrow. But we already hugged, and it was not a hug goodbye because we will get together again, I know…

To blur or not to blur?

Is it okay to practice with my contact lenses on or not? Cary told me that Guruji does not want people to wear glasses or contacts, accordingly she advised me to not wear my contacts. I tried few times but I think I don’t like the blur much, especially when dropping back. It gets kind of scary when I cannot clearly see where I am going. Okay I know I am going backwards but still not being able to see it clearly is not comfortable. I asked the new teacher about this in the morning but he response was not tied to any principle. He said he could not tell since he is not wearing contacts but is should be all right since people wear it while doing sports…
Well, if someone knows more about this issue, please share your knowledge with me.

Warming up...

The new teacher is actually a good teacher. He does not adjust much at all but he gives good explanations of asanas for which people need adjustments. I guess that kind of makes sense and is helpful; sometimes you don’t understand what you do wrong when a teacher comes and adjust you in a way that shifts your body significantly. So, he gave me few good pointers with couple of asanas and then with the backdrops, after my three dropping back and descending to the floor he came and helped me with 4 more backdrops and asked me why I am not coming up. My response was that I cannot pull myself up. He said we will work on that tomorrow. Today after my three backdrops he came over and said that my energy dies after I drop back and instead it should still be flowing and pushing me back up. Accordingly, I dropped back and he pushed me back and pulled me up to help me get the feel. Yes, it makes sense, I need that push to come up but I guess it will take some time for me to get that momentum. Well, I practice everyday so it will happen at one point; I thought I would never pass my fear and drop back but now I am dropping back quite nicely, so it comes when I am ready. The only thing is that I am leaving next Tuesday  and I am not sure how it will be in Istanbul. At Yoga Sala they have Eric who actually the first teacher from whom I began learning ashtanga but they have no Mysore classes! Maybe I can convince him to begin Mysore classes since he is also managing the studio… If not I am planning on my trip to Mysore anyway… so I will have to survive with home self practices for a while… But I will miss my friends here at Yoga Place.

First day with the new teacher

I am not assisting anymore, so I was at Yoga Place
after 6:30 am this morning. It was packed as it has been recently. Maybe curiosity about the new teacher also drew people who have not been showing up lately… Well, he definitely has a different approach than both C and Tony, who were very similar in their teaching. I got no adjustments, help, suggestions, guidance what so ever today. Even with the backdrops. After my prep back bends I got up and began my daily routine of going back and coming forth with great success of not dropping back after going so far… At one point he yelled at my direction while helping someone else “did you drop back and come up three times?” I said nope and he said, “then today only urdhva dhanurasana, tomorrow we will do them together.” But I did not give up and dropped back by myself for the first time without anyone standing in front of me, having their fingers on my waist or pushing me back or being present just to give me courage. I did it three times but no coming up, still did not figure out that one. In a way, his aloofness made me pass my fear. I struggled few minutes with fear and tension building in me but then I did not want to sit back on my mat without dropping back, especially since I knew I could do it.
Maybe he will show some interest in teaching me how to come up tomorrow…

Halfway on my special journey...

My impersonal horoscope says “You're at the halfway point on a very special journey today, but you're in for a surprise.” Kind of makes sense I guess, well I have no idea what might be the surprise. Today was my last day with Cary, I mean at least my last day of being her student. I woke up at 3:15 am and did not even consider going back to sleep. I was at Yoga Place around 5am and began my practice at 5:10 am. Before 6am the bell rang I thought C came early but it was some other people whom I could not recognize because I did not have my contact lenses so everything was blurry. Someone peeked into the room and said something so I got up from my mat went near him since I had no idea who this person was and what he was saying. I said “hi I am Ahu and held my hand out (what was I thinking? okay I was thinking this is the new teacher and I was introducing myself) but he just said ohh no, I am looking for C. Well that was weird, do you say “ohh no” when someone introduces themselves to you??? Ohh well I cannot care less… I am leaving soon. Then C came finally after I had to buzz in some other people, still could not tell whom they were. I was finished with my practice pretty early. C thanked for the Vegan cake I baked for her while helping with my backdrops. First, I did not understand what she was thanking for, I came so early and with all these new people and all, I forgot that I brought her a cake… Anyways, then I helped with adjustments. At some point we called C to the changing room and gave her a present and a card. She got so happy!
I will miss her very much, too much. I am kind of blocking all the anxiety I might have from this separation. At laest, I did not break down and made a fool of myself this morning because I did that on Monday when no one recognized. Monday, it just downed on me at the end of my practice, I got up from shavasana in tears, sobbed a bit in the changing room and that was it... But now I feel reassured, for some reason, that I will see her soon, in few months. Until I see her, I have to figure out how to get up from backdrops, dropping is getting easier…
I thank for my luck, I thank for meeting such a great person, having her as my teacher and my friend.
Now, I have to keep reminding myself that every ending leads to a new beginning. Or as my horoscope suggests that I arrived halfway on this very special journey….