Wednesday, December 24, 2008

What is going in Goa...

In Goa, I seem to neglect writing much more than usual… all the distractions such as beach, good food, meeting with friends…

So, where were we? Ohh I am still and yes, still working on Bakasana B. Now I accept the fact that I am stuck and it is all right. With handstands, I am taking a break, although, today Rolf asked me “Maya, are you finished? No handstands? Tired? I am also tired today…” Actually, yes, I was tired this morning more than usual and I am still tired… I donnu if it is waking up so early to began practice at 5AM or if it is that I am not taking care of myself properly... Last night, I went to bed at 8PM; still, this morning I was tired and dizzy… It is also a bit cold at 5AM, so it is taking time to warm up and stay warm. Also, my back is not feeling well, I have some pain, mainly on my left side. I will see the acupuncturist lady on Friday. I think she will be able to help.

Anyhow… I am fine with being stuck at Bakasana B, but that does not mean I am giving up. I will get it at some point. I know it is mostly fear… need to work it through and will… it might take some time, which is okey. It is like backdrops; I was so scared when I first began practicing them couple of years ago that I would go almost all the way down but just before dropping I would come up… but now I do them all right…

What else… The Ayurveda course with Gangotri… It is going very well. She is a very good teacher, a great source of information. We are enjoying it a lot. She just finished talking about Vata yesterday. I guess I am Vata dominant. Lets see what the others are like, then, I think I will have a better idea. She will also talk about life style we should follow. She has already been giving good tips such as need for waking up before sunrise because with the sunrise our manupura chakra begins working, and it starts turning the toxins in our body; therefore, we need to get up before sunrise and clean our body…

Friday, December 19, 2008

Friends...

Today two of my great friends from last year arrived, Irena and Marco. I was so lightened up when I saw them during practice early morning. After practice, we met at German Bakery. It was great to reconnect… To tell the truth, I realized how much I miss people from last December… After Nigel left, I felt a bit lonely, a bit disconnected… But now that Irena and Marco came, I felt lively again and then I realized that the connection between the people I met last December is going a long way… Yes, I was lucky to meet all these friends, very lucky.

We decided to do a drop-in to Ganga’s Pranamaya & Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra’s class. It was actually very good. I really enjoy listening to Ganga, he is a very natural teacher, speaker… I kind of begin thinking about going to their ashram up at North. Now I will take his sister’s Ayurveda course, which will begin in few days. I think I will benefit a lot from her course for my health…

Monday, December 15, 2008

Got a complain?

I need someone who can also listen to me bitching and moaning about stuff… and then just cheer me up with the silliness of my trivial misery. That would be a friend but I mean a real friend. I am now having tough time with my practice because I am stuck with where I am… it has been a year and I am stuck and I am impatient, and yes you can call me a bitch, you can think I am no fun… I am probably all of that… but this is how I feel, and this is what I go through… I am not hiding it, I am living it and I am trying to deal with it… but it is pretty out there, sometimes on my face, sometimes in my words.

You might wonder why so much thinking about the practice? Well, it is the mind… I was listening Osho this morning and he was explaining how we destroy things for ourselves… he was particularly talking about meditation. To paraphrase him: “In the beginning there are sudden glimpses but once you know certain experiences, these glimpses of meditation disappear… for the first time, it happened because you were not expecting; for the first time you had the glimpses, you were innocent, child like. But after the first time, the mind begins calculating searching for the same experience… the mind is bringing misery and if you insist that you must have the same experience again, you will loose it forever, unless you forget it completely that somewhere in the past it happened. For the possibility to open, you need to forget. This is madness, you destroy everything, what comes to your hands you destroy. Life gives you many gifts… life does not give you anything less… but you destroy it… if meditation happens to you, just be grateful, and forget it. It has been a gift, you do not have the capacity to have it, it has been a gift, an overflowing of the divine. Don’t expect it, don’t demand, it will come next day again, it will grow, it will get deeper, it will be infinite. But your mind has to be dropped, your mind is madness…”

Well, it is similar with the practice also. In the beginning, I had no expectations, I was just doing for the joy of it… some postures would seem crazy, I would say "no way I can do this!" and laugh about it, but I would try for that day and then the coming and so on and then few weeks later I would see them coming, happening and I would be so surprised, happily surprised. However, now I am expecting myself to achieve this and that and move forward… I want the beginners mind back! I want to forget those crazy poses I cannot do now has to be achieved… Now, I know they can be achieved, I keep putting pressure on myself and then getting disappointed… the misery creating mind, got a drop it!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Practice, Ink and all

My fourth week ended… Today is a full moon day so no practice. Nigel is leaving this morning. Last night we all, yes we all, including Rolf and Marci, went to Bean me Up to have good food! What else, ohh by the way just before the dinner, I got inked!!! ☺ Yeah something I thought I would never do in India… but I met this couple, and had a very good feeling from them… so I got my last tattoo. It is again with flowers, cherry blossoms… My housemate Kate came with me, which was very nice, it is always good to have a friend with you when you are getting inked… Now, it has to heal quickly, very quickly until Monday (little ambitious there ☺) NO beach for a while. If I had my camera working I would take a photo of my new ink for your eyse but my camera has not been working since I got to Goa…

On the other hand, practice this week was fine, but handstands are still giving me grief and Bakasana B is still not there… But still, Rolf told me that next Monday I can continue up till where I was last April, which is Eka Pada Sirsana . When he told me that I said “ But Bakasana B is still not coming”, he replied “Bakasana A is much better, you have been working hard, and we will continue work on Bakasana B.”

With the housing situation… I found a place in Candolim, which is 3 min. to the shala, 5 min. to the beach, starting from January 3rd. It is kind of perfect wince I could not just walk out from the house that I am living in, it will be nice to find someone to take my room before I move… by the way, I am enjoying my roommates a lot as time passes but still I will love to be by the beach and not driving before practice and when my sister comes to visit I will already have the kind of place I wanted to get for us when she comes to visit me.

By the way, my housemate Kate also designs yoga clothes and the other night we had her show the stock she has with her and I went a bit crazy and bought 4 tops from her! I have been eying the tops she wears for practice, I really liked them. So now I have too many yoga tops, and I have no regrets since they are made from nice material and very original designs!!!

Today, I am planning to spent most of the day at home to not get dust and dirt to my tattoo… But tonight there is a concert at Purple Valley and most of us will go for it. Next Monday, Ganga’s course will begin, still I am not sure about taking or not taking it…

Monday, December 08, 2008

Vrittis

It has been already 3 weeks since I came to Goa. Practice with Rolf and Marci is intense, very good… I feel like there is so much more to do, to learn… and I am lucky to be here…
I am staying in Arpora with 3 other yoga students… It is a nice house but as the winter comes, the ride to practice in the mornings are freezing us. And of course, also the shala is a bit chilly because it is open air rooftop. This morning I did many many sun salutations to warm up after the freezing drive. And then, by the end of the practice, I kept beating myself up because I feel like I am not making progress, still cannot jump into bakasana b and then hand stands are a disaster… I was pretty upset with myself this morning but this is not the way to go, is it? I do what I can do and then I have to let go… let go ... let go… I think the most important lesson for me to learn is letting go… Actually, the practice was good, why I cannot see this and be content… the mind keeps comparing and that is one of the most dangerous poisons… I see it clearly…
And then I am thinking, desiring to move to Candolim where the shala is. I want to be by the beach and be able to walk to the shala instead of driving… I hope to find a peaceful solution and this occupies my mind a lot these days. Wish me good luck.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Earlier written Goa entiries

I did not have any internet access through my computer for a while... so I am posting the entries I have written earlier just now!

November 25 2008

Sunday, some of us went to Brahmani yoga for self-practice since R&M do not teach on Sundays. It was very nice, the teacher who was teaching had good adjustments and also, Ken the Rolfer began helping her after he finished his own practice and of course he has very good adjustments! After the practice we all went to German bakery. It was great; I was craving to eat there for a week. I love the food there. Afterwards some of us went to Shore Bar (the posh beach shack). I went into the ocean for a long while. Then head home, because I was expecting my friend Dagmar to arrive from the Shvananda ashram in Kerala. As soon as Dagmar arrived I arranged a scooter for her; that is a must especially since we are in Arpora, 15 min. drive to the shala, and one needs a scooter to get around Goa anyways. So, we went to Vagator to pick up the scooter and then stopped by the Juice Bar.
Monday, practice was good and I began working on handstands again, that is not so good, well what I mean is that it is not going so well. I just lost my handstands at some point while in Istanbul, and now they feel impossible. I used to be able to go up by kicking one leg and even with both sides right and left but then they are all gone now. I was struggling to go up with two feet together and now I am struggling to go up with one leg kicking up… so I am steps backwards somehow. I do not know what is the reason for this but will work on it as long as I need to…



November 21 2008
It has been a week since I got to Goa. My train journey was longggg… I am glad I made it but I would not do it again, I think… at least, not the Bangalore-Hubli- Vasco Da Gama route… that was too long and a hassle to shlap my stuff around from bus to train to another train to a bus again and to another bus and to taxi…. I guess it is a bit difficult to do a train journey when you are alone and have bit mush stuff with you. Do not misunderstand, this time I am traveling much lighter but I have got my computer… and that is a big responsibility and also a bit of weight to carry on my back… Well, I made it all right. The ride from Mysore to Bangalore was good since I was with Elena who did not stop talking for the rest of the journey and of course, I did not stop talking either ☺ Yes that was pretty easy and fun ride in a tin can. And when we got to Bangalore for 83 rupees each, Elena put me on this van for 6 rupees, which got me close to the train station. Well, I had to shlap my stuff for a while on the road then up and down the stairs… hardly made it to train on time… that was not much fun. I hardly found where the train was. There was a info boot and when I asked the lady she snapped me for being far from her (could not hear me) and then she wrote on my paper ticket some numbers which I thought were the platform numbers… As I tried to find that platform the newsstand guy said “to Hubli, you got go to platform 8, this number is train number” and luckily I believed him and found the train and on the way, I also realized that train number was some other number written on the ticket and those numbers she wrote were seat numbers which did not matter because you just sit on a seat you find… so, thanks to the newsstand guy, I found my way. The train arrived and everyone rushed to the train as people tried to get out of it. I made my way while being pushed around by Indian women… did not see any Westerners really. While I was moving along the train to find a seat and pulling my duffle back, the man behind me began yelling at me, he was frustrated about my bag. I said what can I do I move as the people in front of me move, he yelled more and I yelled back that I cannot fly the bag over my head…. Then, magically, I saw a seat, there was an older lady and a younger man, and the younger man told me that I can sit. So, as I tried to settle down, the man who was yelling at me come over to the same seat area. I mumbled in Turkish if he could not find any other seat but apparently the younger man who told me I can sit with them was his son. And in a minute both of us mellowed down as if it was not us who were yelling at each other a minute ago. He translated his wife’s question to me and on…. Then a young couple also joined us… The view from the train while there was day light was very green…. Half way through, the son, the wife and the man got of and I felt sorry that they left (figure that out, it only happens in India… ). The young couple was shy but later on, the young man talked to me a little bit, he told me that the young woman is his brother’s wife, they are from Bangalore going somewhere which is before Hubli… Again I felt bad because it was getting dark and the train was getting deserted with less and less women and I did not want to loose my companions. So, they also got off at some point. I was getting sleepy, there were only men around me. One man sat across from me, he was okay, just glued to his cell phone. For almost two hours, he kept dialing numbers and talked on his cell phone about the same issue, I just got that he was concerned about some fax number. It looked a bit overwhelming. It was either a very important matter or he just could not sit without doing nothing.
When we arrived to Hubli it was 10PM. I got off the train, there were only passengers around… but I was determined to find a person who works there and I did. I asked about the sleeper train to Goa. He checked my ticket and told me to stay with him and then he put me to my vagon. That was very very nice of him, otherwise; I was a bit clueless… The sleeper train was okey. Ther were couple of Westerners this time. They gave us a sheet, a blanket and a pillow. I just got the sheet to put under me.
When we arrived to Vasco Da Gama, it was very early morning. I wanted to get the bus to Panaji. There were taxi drivers trying to trick me to take a taxi, telling me bus stand is far away… But I just got grumpy with them and walked straight ahead… After all this way, I was not going to give up here, I was determined to take the bus… and the busses were not so far. It was a nice ride, it was bright morning, and I could feel the difference of Goa air, and Goans already. The bus journey from Vasco Da Gama to Panaji was 16-17 rupees. The ride was surprisingly not long at all. Then I decided that I can make it to Mapsa with the bus again, I could not give up there… So, I got another bus to Mapsa which was 8 rupees but I could not get my change for 10 rupees but would not complain… We were in Mapsa at no time. When I arrived to Mapsa it was time for a taxi. One man offered me to take me with motorbike, I was almost gonna run after him since I was so tired and what was he thinking? Me, my heavy backpack and duffle back behind him on a motor bike? Then I saw a taxi driver I said to Arpora and asked how much, he said 400 rupees I said I am no tourist, I will pay 150 rupees. Of course he refused but another one jumped front and took me to Arpora for 150 rupees!
I arrived to Queenie’s place. The house Alex got for us for this season is a very nice 3 bedroom house right next to Queenie’s house. The living room is big and there is a very nice kitchen. Bedrooms are upstairs, two of them open to a huge balcony… not mine. However, we are a bit far from the shala. It is about 15 minute ride. In the beginning I freaked a bit because of the drive but now I seemed to be getting used to driving. There are also nice places in Candolim, and I guess next time, I will stay over there by the beach. Candolim is very nice, peaceful. The beach is clean and quiet. The new shala is very nice. We are at the roof top, we began when it is dark and while were still doing the standing postures, the daylight takes over. Both Rolf and Marci are in very good mood. I am blessed!




November 14 2008
This morning was the last class in the shala this year… Yesterday was full moon so there was no practice but we carried on with the acroyoga-thai/Mysore massage course (I don’t know what to call it anymore ☺ ). It was a good class, we did the partner yoga sequence we learned but Donna and I were not much into flying so we did not do any of that and then it was the massage part. Fort the massage, we used the feet mainly. Yesterday, it was my turn to give a massage and since we did not have any practice in the morning, I had energy so it was nice to be giving massage. It was also Wayne’s birthday, and at the end, we had ragi ball feast, which are apparently Wayne’s favorite food! Ragi balls are made from finger millet (ragi is finger millet), they are brown dumplings and not so small in size and they are mushy in texture, which I really liked. As we are told, some people feel like they will choke while eating them because of this mushy texture but for me, it was baby/comfort food. They are served with garlicky tomato sauce and coconut chutney; otherwise, by themselves, they are very plain. Nutritional wise, they are high in protein and low in fat. Wayne told us that Guruji used to tell them ragi balls make you strong. Ohh also they are special to state of Karnataka… Well, I discovered them at the last minute, but the next time I am here, I will be eating a lot of them ☺!

This morning, I woke up before 3AM. The anxiety of traveling woke me up. TH practice was nice. Sharat was a bit more