Wednesday, September 15, 2010

here and now should be the mantra

Looking within... it is a lot of that these days... It is complicated work, but seems like should be the simplest. I feel like I am going through a training, training of snapping out of maya... well, I have lots of work to do. But one thing I know is that all the things that triggered depressive emotions and thoughts at last bring me to a point where I truly realized there is a need to see things from a different light. And maybe, I had to sink low to really make a revolution in the patterns of the mind. Also, close people around me going through really low time has been constantly reminding me that all this messy stuff cannot be there to kill us but maybe can be an opportunity to find something, that something within us which is very much light and pure than what we thing we are made of. It is not an easy task, lets see how it will go...

I am reading Pema Chodron's "Start Where You Are". When I got the book, I looked and thought to myself "uhh it looks like an easy read, not thick, chapters are not long, and the language is simple, etc..." ohh well I was wrong. I think after the first two chapters the challenge began. So, I read then I try to practice what she is talking about then I feel like I am incapable of following what she is saying, so I stop reading the book for couple of days. But then I start sensing that I am getting lost in my mind, going down and I think " I better pick up the book, maybe something she says will touch me", and as I read I see I was correct and then I take a break from reading it but keep contemplating on what I was reading, trying to assimilate... ohh, I have to say she is a very valuable source.  Also my sister send me "Pain Body" recording by Eckhart Tolle last week, listening to that also made me realize I have to stop going back to past feelings, maybe not to puch them away but the reality now is not those feelings, but we are so immune to bring them to now, and this habit so much inhibits our flow in the river of life...

Other than reading and taking journeys in my mind, I am thinking that I should do some other stuff. I will and will tell you when I do, there is no point of writing about what I am thinking of doing before I do them :p

Practice is nice although this morning I was feeling heavy... still it was not so bad... and later, for the breakfast I was so hungry!? i donnu. Yesterday I was with a beautiful friend for lunch. We were suppose to go to Sandhya's house, I called the day before and told the girl who picked up the phone that two of us will come next day around 2PM for lunch. But maybe she forgot to tell. When we arrived, Sandhya was "you are late, did you call?" Apparently there was not much food left. Therefore, I suggested that we go for thali and come to Shandyha some other day... We left for Dasaprakash, just as we were arriving the rain began slowly and as we entered to the restaurant it poured! Just on time! We had the special thali and had lots of time to talk until the rain stopped. It was lovely, and better than being at Sandhya's in terms of having all this time and privacy to share experiences, talk about stuff...  One of the interesting things came up in our conversation was "the Work" of Byron Katie, I did not know about this woman. It is interesting, interesting to see how we all think in similar patterns, and worry about similar stuff... 

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Days fly...

It has been a week in Mysore... time flies when you are in a happy space... The weather is cool, cloudy and rainy but usually not heavy rain. Today is Ganesha festival, and the whole week there were preparations for it.  Mysore city was super busy, people were shopping, lots of people and lots of traffic in the city... I went downtown few times, once to take Pinar and Canan to shopping mostly for shawls and scarves. Another time I went down with my scooter, taking Canan also with me to see Mr. Rashinkar at his store, I am staying in his apartment so I had to give him some papers... We also stopped by at Ashok bookstore. I was looking for a specific Osho book which is called "Love, Aloness, Freedom" but they did not have it, maybe I should go to Sapna which is a much bigger book store. Then we went to the Rashinkar store, and beside seeing Mr. Rashinkar we also looked at yoga books and of course the yoga rugs they have... I got Yoga Taravali... I am not sure if this is a good edition of the book, we will see.

I am still partially in Afroz which is great. The memories are still very vivid and this lifts up my spirit a lot. From time to time I am confused about spirituality... it is hard to describe even what is confusing for me... I guess, I have to let it be, not question so much what I do versus what others do. but maybe I am not surrendering enough to anyone of the teachings or teachers. I frequently find myself being thorn between two of my teachers for instance, should I stay in Mysore longer or go to Goa?, and then Osho versus my yoga practice. I do not abandon my yoga practice to follow Osho, I am able to manage both together but if he asked me (if he were alive...) to drop yoga, I don't think I would. So what does that make me? and why do I think about this in the first place? well, I was listening to one of his discourses, him answering to a disciple's question, and he was saying how he knew that the disciple never really surrendered, how this guy was concerned what the society would think and so on and so on... well, I do not think of what the society will say... but when I am with the Osho community, they tend to question the yoga practice... I have my own mind, I go this way and that way, I say one think one day and may say another think the next day... I rebel and then come back... but it seems like Osho is part of my life, my vitality, and so I never totally abandon. but is this being half hearted? as I write these things, I realize it does not matter at all. My yoga practice is in the first place is what brought me to seeking, to India, to Osho... and maybe I am a very mental one, not like a heart person who would totally, without questioning surrender but that should also be fine, I have the accept where I am, who I am so I can continue from where I am... anyways...

Yesterday, I went for a walk around the lake. It was of course beautiful. I was also taking some photos as I was walking since I am trying to learn to make better pictures... Then a teenager boy began following me. I tried to slow down to let him pass, I stop to take photos and hoping he would be gone, but no in one way or another he was also stopping to wait. It quickly got stressful for me... Then I saw a man who was having his walk and also talking on his cellphone, so I tried to stay by him but he was too fast for me :p then I began saying to myself "let my angles help me, let my angles help me" I donnu from where I came up with this, but it worked after a few minutes! Two ladies appeared in front of me, I tagged behind them, the boy was hiding behind the bushes, then he jumped in again, did the noise Indian man do to take your attention but then left from the gate which was there. I was relieved but I missed taking photos of these beautiful heart shaped leaves on my way since I was trying to get away... so I have to go back to see the leaves again, but maybe a bit later when it is busier or with a friend, so I am not subject to this kind of think again...

Later, we went to Green Hotel for Friday night dinner. The garden is not open yet due to rain; therefore, we were in this area to the right of the garden which is covered on top. It was nice, good food and good company...

This morning, I did some cleaning... Then I was sat to write and I put some music. As the Libertines was playing from my iPod, through my open door I heard bells and saw the priest in the next house doing the puja for the Ganesha festival! I was like "ohh and you are here listening to your rock'n roll!" I turned of the music quickly to not disturb, disrespect... Soon I should go out for a walk around to see what is going on with this festival. I think there will be lots of Ganeshes around in lots of sizes! Exciting! Should take my camera with me....

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Mysore in September

Mysore! I am happy to be here... I arrived last Friday...
This journey was a bit different then previous once since this time I booked my flight with Emirates instead of Turkish airlines. Therefore, I flew to Dubai and then to Bangalore rather than flying directly to Bombay and then waiting for many hours (since Turkish airlines arrives at 3:30AM) for a domestic flight, also there was no hassle of switching from the international terminal to domestic terminal... We arrived to Dubai airport at 12:45 AM and I did not sleep the whole time. When I step into the luxuries airport, the first think I spotted was this juice bar and I was already very dehydrated in the plane and also since I forgot to check vegetarian option, there was no real meal for me at the plane so I was feeling a bit hungry too. The juice bar, especially the pineapples on the shelf my eyes sparkle I guess! I was missing pineapples so much; therefore, I got a pineapple apple ginger juice and drank it perhaps in 5 minutes. I walked around for a while and then found myself walking back to the juice bar to get a second one of the same juice! It was really good! It was the best thing! More walking around and seeing a date heaven in one of the shops was for some reason pretty interesting in the middle of the night, but I did not buy any, maybe I should have, they were the best dates I have ever seen in my life. Then I got tho the plane after almost 3 hours of lay over and just tried to sleep the rest of the journey. The second plane was not as comfortable as the first one tough... still I managed to get few hours of sleep. When I arrived to Bangalore, there was the taxi I arranged 2 days before. I thought of taking the train this time, but then I realized how tired I would be and I did not really know when it was, I looked online but then gave up and called Shiva for a taxi... With he taxi, we arrived to Mysore in 4 hours, most of the time I slept in the car... it felt longgg. but then I was grateful that I did not have to drive any of these vehicles that took me to Mysore! :)

When I arrived to Gokulam it was easy since I booked my living space in advance this time. I just settled down to my room and then got out to register at the shala. I was thinking it would be crowded but it was very few people online... so it was quick... After the registration, I could not resist to go to Anokhi garden to see if Flora was there! I was missing her so much the whole summer. So I walked down to the cafe, the door was open, I went in and saw Olivie who seemed like he never left the place. I guess I also looked like I never left Gokulam either to him... I asked if Flora was there and he told me that she was inside. I walked in and there Flora was talking with someone and as soon as she saw me, she jumped out of her seat and hugged me. She was so happy, I was so happy! It was so great to unite with my friend, almost a sister she is to me now! We both went through some difficult stuff this summer... and it was great to see her back here and lively again, and to her, I looked good since I was so much fed with life in Eressos... So we were both standing across from each other with big smiles on our faces! We talked a bit and afterwards we walked out to the coconut stand, just on our way out from the cafe, Mari showed up and I was so happy also to see her! I was hungry but Anu's was still closed until Sunday due to renovations and so I went to Nilgri's to get some curd and fruits and headed back home for a breakfast food... Luckily I had some food that I brought from home so I did not have to do big shopping as soon as I arrived...

Sunday was the first practice, led primary serious. It was so few people in front of the shala when I arrived! The gates opened, and we calmly went inside instead of the rush of the crowded times! The shala is not so full, it is such a luxury! I am loving it. We are perhaps 50 people... Sharath is in good mood... All is good. Tuesday also he did a led class for some reason... Anyways, first whole week is primary always... Today was self-practice and Sharath had two of the students from his last training assisting him! That was really nice, nice to have students among us also teaching, and teaching with Sharath. Things are changing...

Also Canan and Pinar are here. Two Turkish ladies... I know them from Istanbul. Both have been practicing ashtanga for some time. I am happy that they came to have this amazing experience. It is also nice that they are not here in the crazy hectic season so they are slowly getting hang of the was things and enjoying it all. It is not crazy in the shala with a big crowd, Sharath is more attentive since less people and then it was not difficult at all to find housing, so perfect for a first time!

ohh one new thing I forgot to mention. Now chanting classes with Laksmish is mandatory. Three times a week in the mornings for 45 minutes. This morning was our first class. I realized many from what we were chanting with Richard...