ahh Exams...

Sorry for being out of touch these days, it is because I am reviewing for exams. All day, everyday, in the library until June 1st… But no worries, I am still practicing since it is the only movement I do whole day. My left side is bit suffering but then I made progress with the headstands. Today, at my fourth try (I initially gave myself 3 trial chances but a little voice in my head told me to go one more time) I straighten my legs and stood for maybe 10 breaths, hurreyy… I was so proud of myself.
Ok, I shall be back after June 1st …

Happy Wesak!

Yesterday, while I was walking, standing, staring at people idly at Broadway Market, Beth told me that this day was the anniversary of Enlightenment of Buddha and the London Buddhist Center at Bethnal Green was having free events. (I know I should not be wandering around idly when I should be studying but it was Saturday!) Anyways, so, I decided to go to Buddhist Center and see what was going on. I thought it was a good reason to finally make myself go and check out the center (which I have intending to do since I have heard about it but had been kind of scared for some reason). Therefore, I went there and a man hands me a leaflet which had the activities of the day written on it. He told me to go in and have a cup of tea. After several minutes of staring at the leaflet and realizing if I only had come an hour ago I could have had the chance of attending a free yoga class and “himm there is a meditation session coming up”… Then, a young man came and asked me if I would be attending the mediation session and I said “yes”(!). So, I went into this room where there were already several people sitting… The teacher started talking about what we are trying to achieve with meditation, “greater awareness”. He then talked about how to sit and explained the first exercise, “watching the breath…” After the first exercise, he explained us the second exercise, which has 4 parts and the last part is what Carry actually told me to do on our Friday meditation sessions after yoga, “focusing on the sensation where you first begin feeling the breath, around your nostrils and over your lips...” And we started the second exercise and in the second part, I began feeling like floating, as if I was in a sphere and the sphere is tilted down to the left… I started getting scared and then with the Teacher telling us to move into the third part, I came a bit back to normal but then in the fourth part I, one more time, felt like I was out of my body. The only parts of my body I could feel were my hands and my head or maybe my breath… After we opened our eyes, I told the teacher that I got dizzy and felt like floating. He said that if we feel this way, we should open our eyes and try to feel our body…
Well, after I got out of the Buddhist center, I was still not very much in my body. I came home, had something to eat hoping that would give me energy. I tried to read the paper but felt quite nauseous and after a while gave up trying to feel normal, I decided to take a nap… There went my whole day in a dreamy, kind of nauseous, dizzy way. Nevertheless, somehow I am still determined to continue meditation, but maybe I am through with my exams… Happy Wesak everybody!

Resting weekend

We have no moon day this month during the week since all of them are clumped on weekends. It means, every week we will go for a consecutive 5 days yoga which can be tough. Carry suggested that we get a massage this month. Well, I have no time for a massage since I am studying for my exams, which are coming up soon and also money wise... I can take a hot bath instead.
Today is full moon in Scorpio, it means I cannot go to Jane’s Saturday Ashtanga class since no practice on moon days for Ashtanga practitioners (yeah, I know I should be going on Sundays to a Mysore class at another yoga studio where they have Sunday self practice classes but it is so convenient when Yoga Place is so close and I like to see Jane once in a while, she was my first teacher at Yoga Place ). What about tomorrow? I think I will take a rest this weekend… I am being bad but I have another 5 days to go full time next week again.
Yesterday was talk through as every Friday. My yoga friends who have been to Sri K. Pattabhi Jois workshop in London last March say that my teacher is almost as fast as Sri K. Pattabhi Jois . Yes it is even more sweating on Friday mornings. By the way, my teacher also began meditation after talk throughs on Fridays. So far, I am the only attendee… but I don’t think I last longer than 30 minutes. I start getting dizzy after a while; however, I will stick with it and maybe begin meditating at home. I need to start supplement my practice with inner working if I am serious about my practice! Yes I think I am serious. Ashtanga seems to be the only thing that makes me grounded...

Headstands, free-floating!

On Tuesday, I asked Carry how do to do headstands without leaning against the wall. She said just try and performed a headstand in a beautiful and smooth way… so my turn to try, I got my legs up and then flipped like a fish to the other side! No worries! I am still one peace and did not really got hurt… Of course she wanted me to try again and I did, this time without the fish trick for few breaths first my knees band and then legs straight… On Wednesday, I tried by myself without much success… I was not really expecting free-floating headstands to be so much difficult than the ones against the wall… After the practice, I realized my first problem is not knowing which muscles to focus on. Today, I managed to get up with bended knees, so I figured that I am supposed to focus on my arms/shoulders and abdominals (well no-brainer right? We are doing ashtanga daaa! of course bandhas…) but I was too afraid to straighten my legs because of flipping fish action I have… Carry came to my help, and straightened my legs, so stayed up for about 10 breaths. However, when she tried to adjust my legs more, I could not go along with it and this is because I still have no idea/sense of whether I am going back or forth when she adjusts me… and fear of my fish action just makes me panic and fall off… Well, I guess I will figure it out at some point down along the road… wish me good luck!

Backbends open the heart!

Yesterday, we went to farewell dinner for Nick who should be now flying to Mysore. It was a lot of fun! Even though with some of the people I exchanged few words before, I felt very comfortable. I guess sharing a devotion such as yoga creates immediate links among people… So, during one of the conversations, Carry was talking about backdrops… and she turned to me and said “you will do them by yourself in 2 months” (now she is holding me when I am dropping). I was surprised and of course my immediate reply, as a self conscious, critical Virgo, was “but I cannot even get myself to vinyasa flows in a cool way when I am on the mat!”. She said “ you have a strong back”. Well, hearing this was nice. First of all, learning that I have a strong back, in a metaphorical sense, made me think that I will be fine because my strong back is supporting me in times of difficulty (and I guess so far it did. Regardless of how desperate I felt some of the times, I managed to hold myself straight) and also it can support my dear ones when they need support… and then, in terms of my practice, it is of course positive… also, I heard from another yogi that backbends open the heart. So, I will hopefully become more open.
By the way, I still could not figure out how people jump to chaturanga when doing vinyasa flows in between mat postures. I lift myself up and then I am stuck there, then I simply put my hands forward and proceed from there. I wish some yogi was reading this and could answer me, or maybe I should simply ask my teacher.

What is the journey?

They say, left side is our feminine side and so it is also about our ability to receive, on the other hand, our right side is masculine/giving side. As I move on in my practice, I realize that yoga is not only about physical fitness, stretching, strength building and doing all these in a more meditative state, aiding the mind as well. Yes, it is all these things, but it is also a vehicle that tells me about the blocks I have in my body which are related to my inner being. So far, every ache, every sour spot occurred on my left side: my knee, my hip, my ribs, my back, my neck, always the left side… I guess yoga is trying to give me a message. Maybe about being more receptive or more feminine… Well, I tried to put red lipstick and to paint my toes more often, but it is perhaps more than that…
While working on my postures, I am constantly reminded to take steps in my life also. This is really a life journey and I am only at the beginning…
Today was Bank Holiday here, in London and we did not have class. Tomorrow around 6 am we will all make our way to Yoga Place and begin our sun salutations… and then the week will begin.