Back from Berlin

I got back from Berlin last night. It was such a blessing to meet Nancy and study with her even if it was just for 9 days. This was just what I needed, I cannot believe that I have considered not going because of hassle of getting a Visa, etc… This workshop was the best thing I have done this year. It provided me the support I needed so much and made me feel good about my practice instead of apologetic. Nancy’s traditional approach is very nice and suits me just right. Her explanation of the way we do things and why we do them in ashtanga is very informative, and also her stories of studying with Guruji are great! This was such a learning from the source kind of experience. The best thing about Nancy is that she does not hold back information or people from moving forward with their practice. She teaches in the way Guruji taught them when they were learning in 1970s, so she is not conservative with introducing more advainced series to students. On the other hand, Nancy is very humble; she does not have that aura of unreachable teachers. She asks other people’s opinion when answering a question, but ultimately she is very clear. Therefore, I am relieved from confusions, which drew me nuts this past few months…
I don’t know, I don’t remember how I found out about this workshop but it was one of the things that was sent on my way to encourage me, to recharge me… The first few days, I kept repeating how happy I am that I came to this workshop. Also, practicing with other devoted people every morning was so good, and inspiring. I have been missing the company of such a group of people. Of course, now I am back to lonely practice one more time, but I should be charged a bit to go on by myself for a while. I will write more about what we have discussed during the workshop…

Decisions...

I kept having some dreams about my coming up journey… So, tomorrow I will be off to Berlin! I am trying to stay calm and not expecting too much so no disappointments…
On Thursday, I woke up with no chest pain. My friend from London dedicated her practice to me on Wednesday, so I guess it really worked! At least, reading her mail which told me that she would do this, warmed my heart so much it probably melted down some stickiness, whatever I had in my chest… Well, it mildly came back after the practice but I now know that it is part of the change that I have made with my chaturangas….
Ohh with my chest x-ray I saw the reality about my spine! Well, actually, first my doctor pointed out (with a bit of scorn) look at your spine, doesn’t yoga fix that? And there it was my curved spine… Therefore, Tias was correct about my scoliosis. He actually spotted it the first instance he saw my headstand. I bow in front of such eyes. But does that mean that I will never able to reach enlightment since I will not be able sit with a straight spine in meditation :)))
Well, I also decided to go ahead and do Eric’s TT, since it is here and I am (hopefully will be here) here and it will hopefully add more to my skills. The first part, we have already done last March, the second part is 3 months long (on Saturdays plus 3 led classes during the week) and for the third part, Eric’s teacher Suddha will come from Chicago for a week. However, I still am not so sure about my decision… One reason is Tias coming in May for few days including the weekend and I really want to attend his workshops when he is here. I mean the man comes all the way from Santa Fe! Such an opportunity! So, I do not know if it is okey to I skip one weekend of the training… the other is the led classes… I wish he would make some of it self-practice classes instead of the led classes all the time. I mean if these people in the TT want to become teachers, they will need to develop a self-practice, rite? But Eric says people do not like it… but this is a bit weird… then maybe this should not be called TT… and why it is all about pleasing people? and he can add self-practice to regular schedule, not taking away from the led classes, but lazy maybe, huh? okey I know I am going of the edge. But this is how I feel. Maybe this training is not for me… ahhh…

Dreaming of Berlin workshop

I had a dream about the coming Nancy G. workshop last night. It was the first night, there were people whom I do not know and mostly male contrary to workshops in Istanbul. I guess I was practicing and Nancy began eating her dinner but after few bites she set it aside and began practicing third series next to me and then stopped kind of abruptly. I was of course amazed but then curious why she stopped, I figured maybe it was enough for that day with traveling and all. I guess those third series asanas, such as Koundinyasana were stuck in my head from last night when I was cruising through the pictures and thinking ohh my god I will never get there and if I do one day, yes that should be extremely humbling! But then when I finished primary series and was doing Pasasana, Nancy asked how far I go in second series and I explained to her that I haven’t been to traditional Mysore class since I moved back to Istanbul and there is non to go to… but I said I am able to do Kapatonasana and previous ones but not sure if I do everything properly. And there was someone else, a man there, and he was saying that after kapotasana, there are very difficult asanas that I would not be able to do… Well, it was a weird dream, the setting, the people, the practice… hopefully I will check out to be healthy today after my Dr. appointment and can continue getting excited…
Okey, I have been to the doctor and nothing is wrong with me. So I am excited!
Today is the solar eclipse in Virgo, which is my sun sign, and I read somewhere that it will be good for us Virgos to right

Take a deep breath in

My chest had been still bothering me yesterday. I taught my gentle class and I was not sure whether to go into the led class or not, but I also wanted to see what would happen when I do practice. Eventually, I went in. It was most painful with chaturangas, with everything else I was all right. Actually, the windows were closed in the room because of me (the sicko) and therefore the room got really warm and my back was really open at the end for back drops… After class, I felt like my pain was much less. This morning, I woke up with the pain again but I did my practice. Again, it was chaturangas where I felt it the most. I guess my body still might be adjusting to new way of doing chaturangas. It has been almost a month since I switched to the new way but who knows… After shoulder blades maybe it is the chest what is suppose to ache. But I will still see a doctor because I am going away for about 10 days and I do want to make sure that I am okey before I leave. The doctor asked for a picture of my lungs, and today I went to the hospital to get them and the lady who was taking it asked me to take a deep breath in and hold it. It was a bit strange since I do not remember being asked this outside of a yoga class for the longest time. So, I took my deep breath. Hopefully it is nothing important… I cross my fingers.

Chest pain

Friday, the practice was difficult for me because the minor chest pain I had for few days, began to really bother me. I had this pain on my left side initially but yesterday, it began moving towards the middle and became more acute. Last night, it was really painfull. I have no clue what might be the reason for it. First, I thought it was a minor muscle ache from my endeavors of in the middle of the room pincha mayurasana, but I do not think so anymore. Maybe it is because of sweating and then opening all the windows at home and sitting in between the air current, or it is my gastritis again… I am a bit anxious since I will be leaving next Sunday for the workshop, so I am heading to a doctor this Monday… Does anyone have a clue what might be this moving around chest pain???

The first night, the first practice in the new place

Last night, I spent my first night in my new apartment. Well, I actually do not see this as my “new home” since it is a temporary agreement between my friend and I. I have subletted my friends place for at least 6 months; this is the agreement. She took away her personal stuff and I have brought my personal stuff, and that was it. Of course, the first night sleep was a bit patchy because I am now in a more busy area (but much more fun!) and for that reason, I cannot keep the window open given that I have one of the lightest sleeps, but then we still have August heat here… Therefore, I also need to bring my fan…
After the patchy sleep, I woke up with a bit difficulty at 6 A.M. but I did. The practice in a new place was a bit off balance… I guess I was pretty used to the practice in the middle of busy furniture living room of my parents ☺ Well, I was also a bit nervous about bothering the people downstairs with my jump backs. This is an old building and the floors are wooden… hopefully I am not bothering anyone. I am assuming that there is no bedroom below my living room!?
One development with my practice is after flipping smoothly during my in the middle of the room pincha mayurasana try out on my birthday, I did try it again two mornings later and then I did not flip but had the sense of a balance spot, I actually balanced for a second… so after that I have been trying it every morning, how else it will come through, rite?
I want to comment to one of the posts by V since I cannot comment directly because of Wordpress ban in this country. I actually admire your seriousness about the practice very much. While working in another job full time, still coming to practice every morning, that is indication of great dedication! That is giving majority of your free time to your practice… and then going into real life and dealing with people who might be so far from what lies in your heart…

Flirting with Gravity and Grace

Yesterday I went to my friend Defne’s Gravity and Grace workshop. Before hand, I told her to not expect me to convert ☺… Well, I wanted to attend the workshop because I love and respect her and appreciate her for being one of the few with whom I can relate with. And of course, I also wanted to support her…
Gravity and Grace… It was different. Very deep stretches in the beginning. In Gravity and Grace, contrary to old Ashtanga, the dynamic part comes after the deep stretches in the beginning part. However, I am a warm up and then stretch kind of girl. Other wise, especially my quadriceps during Pigeon like leg stretches scream pain, while, after warm up they maybe slightly give pain to me but stretch much much more… Shoulders give me easier time since they are the most open part of my body but still more pain than would be with a warm up. On the other hand, at the end of the workshop, during shavasana, I thought I would not be able to get up, I almost fall asleep. I guess after all those deep shoulder stretches, my body relaxed immensely. Afterwards, I felt like I was hangover or jet lagged.
When my friend asked whether I was a convert now I said “sorry”… maybe just because I have not done enough of it yet and I have already found a practice which I love very much and want to go deeper and deeper into it in spite of all pain it might bring forth… Who remembers how difficult and inconvenient ashtanga practice was, the first time I have tried it? ☺

P.S. Yogamum I do not have your email since I cannot see your blog from RSS as it appears...