Saturday, September 26, 2009

At last...

Ohh yeah I did it at last, went through a Chriz Chavez treatment this morning. The funny thing is that I didn’t have to think much. By this I mean the following: I was out last night until after 1AM (with my POL friends )which is something I rarely do and then I woke up at 10 past 10 AM which is something I rarely do and then I just threw myself out of the bed and out of the door to go to Chris Chavez’s Anusara Yoga class which is something I never do…! Well, I just had to experience this to get rid of the curiosity of C.C. about whom so many people has been talking about… Yeah, from the beginning till the end of the class what I feared happened, there was here and there “Maya this Maya that, Maya do this Maya do that" kept coming out of him. First, it was “ Maya, see that tattoo on your left shoulder how bright it is? I want your lips to be as bright as your tattoo, smile!!!!” then again, smile!… then spread the feet hip distance in uttanasana, tadasana (well I got that after two times). Then the first demonstration and who he picks is “MAYA! Come to down dog and throw your hips like a ball over your shoulders”!!! yeah exactly what I have been struggling over for year and a half! How does he picks on that is something to appreciate! And he made me do that for 5-6-7 times as Marci was doing during my last month in Goa. And then coming to hand stand… it was fine and then we worked with partners. Before the class began, I placed myself in a safe spot, next to Yigit who is one of the new graduates of the teacher training; I know him and like him, so it was good to be partners with him. As I practiced with Y jumping up with two legs, I realized that I am going forward enough to coming to handstands, whereas I always thought that I was way far away… At one point, Chris made us also do opening the legs and rotating them around and then lifting left hand first and then the right hand. Then, we went on with other stuff until coming to back bends…! With back bends a different approach with arms, he wants students to open the hands almost as wide as the mat. I go for hands as wide as my shoulders which is the way Marci teaches us. Then again he made me come up and then wanted me to drop back with open arms which I did… he thinks this way is more opening the heart but I do with arms up then reaching up and backwards and I think with arms floating on the sides would be a bit too much for a beginner and they can lend on top of their heads instead of their hands… then he again made me come up with floating arms on the side... that was alright for me. But he was not satisfied he said “she is already too open it was not as dramatic so I will show on someone else...” Therefore, with two other people he demonstrated, and one was this big basketball player and that did not look so great to me, he wants people to come to the toes, lifting the heels to come up which is exact opposite of what Marci wants you to do. She gets so mad when you lift the heels; as a result, I had to learn not throwing myself up and lifting the heels for which now I am grateful to Marci because much more stable way of coming up and stronger legs…

I can say he really makes people high, he knows good anatomy, he knows what he teaches very well, he is a good person… On the other hand, for me, his class was too much exposure and I am just out of ‘Path of Love’ for God’s sake… and then too much talking, pointing people out, too much yeah you can do it… and with the smiling thing… sorry but a bit giirrrr…. He went on most of the time with stuff like Maya is this and that, and I have been feeling just the opposite actually, very weak for the last week and he sees through this and so, he points out what you are struggling with right away but in an opposite light… However, I was uncomfortable with all the cheering because I know my ego would love, would totally love it but what I long for is not satisfying my ego but being me, just pure me with no illusions around it (ha! Wow! My sannyas name had to mean something; for the first time , now I see that this is perhaps why I became to be renamed as Maya...! I guess I should be thankful to Chris for showing me this)

Yet, I am happy that I went to his class, so now I know what it is like. And once in every six months or even once a year of Chriz Chaves seems enough for me ☺. I really love silent practice and this is not because I am super serious but because I need to internalize to get grounded. The main reason I practice is to be grounded to this world. And the most important point for me is being able to do something not when Chris is cheering and helping me but when I am alone, by myself, with my self-knowledge knowing that I can do it or discovering that I can do it and doing it. OF course I am not undermining his help, he shows people that their capacity is beyond what they believe it to be and that is really helpful… but for me, the bottom line is I gotta do it myself. And perhaps that is my weakest and strongest side; don’t like to ask for help, can’t ask for help and also trying to learn standing firm on my own feet…

P.S. I watched an interview with B.K.S Iyengar on Youtube yesterday. At the end, the interviewer asked if his ego was being pumped by being Mr. Iyengar, the person who had the biggest role in having yoga spread to the West, receiving so much recognition, respect, love... His answer was “I am grateful to God in Yoga, that they are punishing me, this way I am happy to get some injuries now and then so I become quiet. I am happy that something comes to me so I can devote my time more and more to my practice and be free from this egoistic cult” . His answer is a great teaching. I understand more and more… (I cannot post the interview here since I can get to youtube from sideways due to it is being banned by Turkish Government… )

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Dilemma or not

I have a dilemma…. Okey before my dilemma I have other things to write about…. Right after I came back from Path of Love. it was a religious holiday here so not many people at all. Sunday the usual suspects came to the practice but then Monday and Tuesday they all slacked… A was still here when I came back. Monday he was the only person who came to class and we kept talking for a long time and at the end, he decided not to practice… then he left the next day for India! Very exciting.

I cannot wait to be in India either. My next journey is getting closer, only one month left for me to leave! Ohh my God! Exactly one month later I will be taking off for another one. I am trying to have no expectations… really, trying to have it blank, so I am not disappointed with myself or others or with stuff…. But of course it is not easy… well I am still excited but trying to keep it at that. Well there are things to do before I leave so I will begin focusing on them systematically.

What else…. My practice is okey… a bit less power but then handstand practices feel good… I am not sure what to thing about my practice anymore… and then the dilemma: should I try out this Anusara teacher’s class? I am so not wanting… and so, it will be forcing myself to do something I do not want to do but then a. I am curious b. I am scared, but why? What am I avoiding? Maybe nothing maybe I am just dreading to be forced to do stuff I feel like I cannot do. Then I already have my practice which I am happy with and I am not so interested in trying out everything out there. Does this make me narrow minded or someone who likes to focus? ohh I will see how I feel on the weekend. If I have an intention I will go… if not, it will be just fine because it will be my choice.

Okay… how am I feeling after Path of Love? I am feeling good. Better sleep. Meditation everyday, which I enjoy, and have the urge everyday… Reading KA which is not an easy book to read… also reading some poetry and sometimes writing too… a bit unsocial with other people, who has not done the process. that

Friday, September 18, 2009

Back from Path of Love

Yes! Back from Path of Love and I am amazed! It was a wonderful journey! I am so glad I have done it. This will be a blessing for me in my present and future… I feel funny about all the frustration and excuses I had before doing it, because it was worth everything I have given to it! I feel like words cannot describe… but what I can say is that it is an honest work on yourself! If you truly dare to open your heart, just go for it! It was not easy at all but somehow you commit and go through it and the outcome is you will see…

Well, this morning was my first practice in a week but since I was physically active all week long, it was okay. I was in a nice steady pace. It felt good to be on my mat. I did only primary and it is Friday anyways but uuppps today is a moonday! Well it is new moon and I took it slowly…

This morning I had coffee for the firs time in 3 weeks and I am so shaky now. I am literally shaking, my mind is too overwhelmed. I guess I should have begun with decaf. Uhhh, well tomorrow will be decaf because I still love the taste.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Almost POL

Tomorrow afternoon POL begins… I mean Path of Love. I donnu what to expect anymore. I have been frustrated with myself about getting myself into this… I have been thinking “ohh what are they gonna make us do? I don’t believe in this, how can things change in 6 days???… blablabla… Ohh well, I did sign up for it tough, so I better go with it. Dad used to say that one should finish what they begin, not to leave things half way through… Maybe signing up was not really half way through but it was a beginning and I guess it is better to be done with it. Then I will not keep hearing about it and wonder whether I should do it or not…

Well, about this week, about the practice… It was an okay week… the practice was mostly good except on Wednesday morning. Wednesday I was tired, heavy, all the usual excuses for not having a good practice. But I have been good and never skipped practicing handstands… Yes, I need to do them everyday even if it is only once.

The weather has been rainy all week long. It became cooler but the practice got sweater(?) the humidity I believe. With the classes… there is one guy who has been coming since Sunday morning… he has a wonderful practice, great energy… enjoyed his presence and I assume other students also. Then, there is a newbie who showed up on Tuesday, and he is doing great!

Yesterday was big rain all night long, which means as I was practicing ☺ … There is suppose to be a big rain tomorrow as well. I hope that won’t create problem for us to arrive to the venue where the POL will take place. I have to admit that one nice thing about this POl is silence for a week! I think that is what I love the most.

Well one last thing is the new movie by Tarontino, Inglourious Basterds. I went to see it with mom yesterday and it was really good. I recommend it.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Coffee Break

I am a bit low in moods. Perhaps it is part of the quitting coffee process. Yes, I am quitting coffee for Path of Love because during the process, we will not be allowed to drink coffee ☹ and I do not want to have the withdrawal when I am in the process! I am a bit rebellious about this because they let smokers have few cigarettes a day but not a cup of coffee to coffee drinkers in the morning!!!! Well, to tell the truth, I am fine with not having coffee for a while. It is perhaps good to detox from caffeine, it is just difficult with my early rising schedule. I stopped last Sunday, so I can have couple of weeks to get back to normal… but I have been drinking a cup of black tea in the mornings; however, this coming week, I will not even have that... Maybe green tea for the first couple of days…

Practice has been okay, maybe a bit heaviness… would that be due to no coffee I wonder? But also a bit weak maybe… I have been lazy with practicing hand stands and then on Wednesday, when I tried to press against the wall I could not do, which was something I had discovered that I could do after my castor oil bath a month ago… well, I got a bit obsessed, so I tried many times and at the end I managed to squeeze out one… but I wonder what was the reason that I could not do it all of a suddenly… not good bandhas that morning maybe… or not doing any handstands while on vacation… and then being lazy about them here…

Thursday afternoon I went to the island to see my parents who got back from their vacation on Lesvos Island! Since it was a moon day on Friday, I stayed over night. This time, I was really good to be in the island, very peaceful, quiet, and it was nice to see my parents after a long time. I also realize swimming is really good for my knee. The doctor also mentioned that when I saw him a month ago; he said that swimming increases the blood circulation, which is quite low over the bone area, and so it helps with the healing.

Well, one good news is I found housing in Boulder! That is very relieving. I was beginning to get nervous because I will be in isolation for a week during POL and what if something come up from the studio regarding housing, I would miss it again as it happened while I was on vacation and did not have internet access…. So that is sorted out and I also have a friend to rent my apartment for at least the last 3 months of my away time…

Now I am thinking of going to Yin Yoga…