Thursday, February 25, 2010

Here comes Bakasana

Yesterday Sharath said "tomorrow Bakasana". I was happy to hear this but of course little balloons over my head began appearing also with scripts such as "I am almost at my biggest challenge, Bakasana B. Ohh but does Bakasana mean only Bakasana A or both A&B? how will I know, I should ask someone, etc, etc..." So, with these thoughts in my mind, I left the shala. I helped at the cafe in the morning which was fairly busy. In the afternoon, I saw Jeff and asked him whether I do only Bakasana A or both A&B, and his answer was "Of course you do both! Do you do only Shalabasana A when he says Shalabasana, you do both Shalabhasana A & Shalabhasana B or with Kapotasana, you do both Kapotasana A & Kapotasana B ..." Therefore, officially I got to the point where I struggle the most. But then Jeff was telling me not to worry so much, that Sharath is not so strict with it. But I once got traumatised about this posture and so it is making me nervous. Well, I said that I will come with my helmet tomorrow to the practice, lay it next to my mat and see what Sharath does... Okey, I did not come with my helmet to the practice today and when I was at Bakasana B, I just tried to remember all the tips Monika gave me when we were practicing with her in Auroville. She suggested that I go forward, not trying to go up and slowly down like R&M insists on. Monica said this is not a requirement at the shala and also this way is really difficult for women... and indeed it is difficult for most women. So, I did my best, I landed on top of my feet and then pulled them up, I repeated it few times and then moved on to Urdhva Danurasana. Sharath was around and he did not say anything, and then he came and helped me with Chakra Bandasana... I think what Flora told me last night also helped me to be easy with Bakasana B, she said "Just do it like a child as if you are doing it for the first time, don't think too much" :).

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

What is happening lately...

Beginning of a new week with lots of changes and new things.... This week is my fourth week at the shala, I will already need to pay for the next month on Friday. Yesterday I went to the shala a bit early, suspecting that there will be no one waiting and I was right, I went in before my time. As I went in, I asked Sharath if I should come earlier nowon, and he told me to come at 6:30 AM which is a good time.

Sunday I began to help Flora and Mari at the cafe with serving. I will help Flora 3 times a week, Mari is leaving today for France to renew her visa which means Flora will be super busy.... And then... well at last Sunday A left. He left for Jaipur. I really hope and expect that it will be good for him. He did not enjoy it here, our relationship did not work and therefore there was no point of him staying. He is a traveller. He keeps telling me that he is not a traveller but he cannot just stay in one place more than a couple of months :) and I tell him each time "so you are a traveller..." he insists becuase he is like that, like a child he wants what is in his mind at that momnet without seeing the big picture... Anyways... bon voyage...

On the other hand, I recognized within these last couple of months, I am fine on my own... but maybe this is fooling myself after one more "not the right one, not the right situation"; in a way giving up the idea that there is more balanced, harmonies relatinships... whatever, who knows etc, etc. Yet I am in a good mood, I am happy to be here. As many times I mentioned, I enjoy the practice at the shala, I am excited about many things that are offered to us to study and to get nvolved. I am also going to S.N. Jois again, actually this afternoon; the things he told me last time proved to be very much right to the point eventhough I was a bit offended at the time (ohh such a Virgo I am , no one can criticize me except myself, rite? well that is changing...)

I hope this week to be a good one. Sunday is full moon, I wonder if that is the case in the shala as well...

Friday, February 19, 2010

Slowly getting rooted

It has been almost three weeks since I got to Mysore... Things has been a bit complicated the first couple of weeks here and just now everything seems to be sorting itself out... I am staying with Flora and Mari still and it seems like I will stay with them the most of the time. Mari will leave to renew her visa, so I will have her room for a while and then the living room again... It is a nice home, I got very used to being there, and also living with Flora and Mari feels very good emotionally. On the other hand, things with A got a bit difficult since we have been in Mysore but I had a sense that it might be like this before coming here... I was a bit overwhelmed with 24 hour days together especially since I have been single for a long while. Needing the space and the time for oneself... but more than needing the space for myself, it became more clear once we got here that we have different interests which get in the way... I guess couples can have different interests and they don't have to get in the way, if they do, it is just an excuse for something which is not working... I am just being honest... While travelling, you get into relations which are sometimes only the reflection of that moment and then once you are out of that moment and space, they just go downhill. Of course you can also meet the perfect one for yourself but this time, this is what has happened... Goa is sometimes "non of this is real"... it was beautiful while it was but now it should not go on anymore... Nowadays I question myself a lot regarding relationships. However, more than blaming myself, I should learn from this whole experience... relationships are suppose to teach us about ourselves and yes I see a lot about myself, what has changed, what has remained the same, where I am more aware and where I still need to work on... So, like this we have to carry on with our lives. just a little note to myself...

Well... being in Mysore feels very good in spite of all this. I have been really enjoying the practice in the shala. It is full power and it is really full! First weeks, my beginning time was 8 AM and I got in almost around 8:30AM (shala time of course) then I moved down to 7:15 AM. Some people are leaving, some people are coming. Yesterday, after chakra bandhasana Sharath asked " you did Kapotasana? Monday Supta Vajrasana" so I got my first next asana since I have been back. I hope to get split before I leave because this long long practice is not working anymore, depleting and too long for a daily life... Peter also arrived last weekend. It is very nice to see him here! We had a nice conversation over the breakfast this morning... exchanging notes and ideas for the moment, for the future...

Ohh not to forget, I just finished Kumar's ayurvedic massage course this week. It was great to spent this time with my very good friend Kumar and I learned a lot from him. We were 4 people in the course and this first week was ayurvedic information and massage and the next weeks was how emotionally we get injured and massage. Now I can do a whole body massage but it is quite tiring :P I got to practice it so I get used to it.

Then, yesterday, I went to Jayashri for the first time! I really loved it! I love chanting especially after chanting with Richard. I have not chanted since our training and surprisingly the sanskrit pronunciation all came back as we chanted yesterday. After chanting, Jayashri's brother did the philosophy talk, this time he answered only questions and even though it was not very focused since it was random questions, I found him very good, very knowledgeable... Therefore, I definitely want to sign up for this 11 AM chanting-philosophy talks... I will also be helping the cafe 3 mornings a week so I guess I will be either chanting or serving at the cafe.
More to come as I ground myself more to Mysore life. Never been here in this busy time but it is all right.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Late post from a week before

This is written a week before:

Friday night we left for Mysore... but such a night it ended up being. We came back to our room at 9:00 PM, the taxi was supposed to pick us up at 9:30 PM to take us to the bus station, our bus to Bangalore was at 10:45 PM. As I picked the cover of my bag, I saw something and thought it was a spider but then I saw the curled up tail! It was a scorpion. I called Arnaud but he was at least as scared as I was and even more panicky. We tried few approaches but since we were both too freaked out, at the end we decided to call the guy who was doing the "night guard" duty. He did not speak English much and thought Arnaud was talking about a snake... I tried to describe that it is a small insect with the curled up tail, piousness... At the end, scorpion came out of where it was hiding and began running as they kicked the bag. The guy just killed it with the stick he had in his hand. He was laughing at us that we freaked out about this. I felt bad that we killed it but I had no other idea... what else we could have done since we could not be able to catch it and take it out without it biting us. If it bit us, then it would be another crises... When the scorpion event ended, we realized it was time to go but there was no taxi! I called the travel agency from which we booked it and the guy said he did not have a taxi so he called someone else and they should be on the way and I was like "what are you thinking, we have a bus to catch!" Then I began panicking because I really at this point wanted to leave this place. We went to the owners house because the night guard said they have a car and they could take us but the woman who was in charge was so stp/#@!t.... she was first asking if we paid the rest of the rent which we did to the owner, then she was saying that they will call another company and I was saying that there is no time to wait for another cab and she was saying " yeah sometimes I want to go too but I cannot..." bla bla bla.... but then we heard the taxi coming and we ran to put our stuff but I was out of mind at this point because we still had to take the scooter we rented to the travel agency and for a minute I thought that we just leave it there since they did not care to send the cab on time, they could deal with it themselves with getting their bike back. But we being we, even though we were more than 20 min late took the scooter, but the taxi did not know where the travel agency was and I was trying to explain him and Arnaud was driving behind us, we had to get to the travel agency so he can drop the bike and then he would get on the taxi afterwards. Well, at the end we managed to get there and Arnaud, angry, dropped the keys and yelled at the guy who was at the agency... the guy came out and he was, of course not concerned about us missing our bus, asking if we had paid for the bike which he had done when we went there in the afternoon to remind them that we booked a taxi to go tot the bus station at Pondichery. Anyways, the taxi driver just put his emergency lights on and drew us like crazy to the bus station. At the end, we arrived in time and we paid him almost double of the fare because he did all he can to take us on time.
Of course the story never ends... Then our bus came. We were waiting for our bags to be put under the bus but they were not paying any attention to us, so we waited and waited. At the end, A got a bit restless so he opened one of the side lids of the bus but there were batteries (something like that) of the bus not the baggage space so he closed it but the lid got out of its place slightly! It did not came out because he forced it , kicked or whatever, it was going to come out when someone opened it and that someone happened to be A. But of course the men who worked for the bus agency got all very furious and began yelling at him, and then they were trying to put it back maybe 5-6 of them and quarreling among each other. Then the bus driver came and he really got mad, and almost walk over Arnaud and began yelling that he should pay 1000 rupees. They kept trying to put It back and at this point, Arnaud was really upset... but then they managed to put it back! A apologized to the men who put it back and as we finally entered the bus, Arnaud apologized to the bus driver as well and in return, he yelled back at him that A should pay 500 rupees. Finally we began our journey and we arrived to Bangalore on time around 6-7 AM. As A went to get our bags, first they did not want to give us our bags unless he paid them 500 rupees. I did not realize all this because at this time I was trying to deal with this man who would not let me alone, he was trying to get us in his rickshaw but I just wanted to see where I was and get a bit more clear about what I will do next... I was really irritated since I just woke up and I was in the middle of all this chaotic place where buses, people, rickshaws were all over. A managed to get the bags without paying anything and when he got by me the man jumped on him since he could not manage to get through me but then I just had to yell at him in Turkish so he would leave. Then I found a guy who worked for the buses and asked him where the bus station for Mysore buses were, he told us at the other side and then this other rickshaw driver next to him said he would to take us there for the half price of all others and so we went with him. At the bus station , we were seeking for the Mysore bus, and they told us to go to the very end of the bus stand and as we were walking two men said their bus is Mysore bus and we were a bit confused, we got into the empty bus but then A heard him say Ooty and he asked are you sure this is Mysore bus and he said "yes direct" but I could not sit still so I got out and ran to the end of the bus line and all other men kept saying go to the end for Mysore buses and there was the Mysore bus almost full, ready to leave so I went back and told A to pick up our stuff. The men in that bus were "where are you going? this is Mysore..." and I was " please let us go". for sure that bus would pass by Mysore but it was totally empty and in how many hours it would be full... Well, they were trying to fill it so we were the perfect fish. The other bus, as we got into it, left for Mysore in couple of minutes. It took more than three hours to get to Mysore city and since we sat at the very back with our bags on the wheels, we did quite a lot of jumps, any kidney stones should have been eliminated after this drive. After we got out of the bus, again some men jumping on us... I just kept cool and walked out, then found a rickshaw for 50 rupees to go to Gokulam which is more than the fare but I wanted to end this trip. We stopped by Anokhi garden so I could get the keys from Flora. When she saw me she jumped with excitement, it was great to see her in her dream cafe! Everything looked so nice, they opened the front part of the house as well, and the space looked so clean and really reorganized in a tasty manner! So I got the keys to Flora's house where we were going to camp until we find a place to live...When I got back to the rickhaw, A was saying that the driver now was asking for 70 rupees because we made a stop. When we arrived to the house, I bargained with the driver and then agreed to pay 60 rupee just to get over it which is double price.... of course 10 rupee, 20 rupee is no much at all but one feels taken advantage of so many times that after a while you began this tag of war with them.... Well, maybe it is better to just let it go instead of getting so stressed out. Then I went to the chocolate shop to make sure that we were at the right place and A took the bags out. When I got back I looked at the pile of bags and then realized that A forgot one bag which I placed behind our seats... and the rickshaw was already gone. We were a bit doomed but really we should have felt blessed because in that bag there were stuff we really liked such as his blankets, his long sleeve shirt, my Japanese sweatshirt, my favorite FabIndia cotton scarf, my liquid stevia, his organic honey and jam from Auroville but nothing really crucial such as money, credit/ATM card and passport! so over and over we repeated that we lost nothing that could have hurt us.
So we entered Flora's house which is really nice, spacious, and clean and bright. We took showers and head back to their cafe for a really yummy breakfast! It was really nice, Flora's fruit salad, her homemade yogurt, the musli, the gingery pineapple coriander juice! All perfect, made with love and care!
I could not register the same day because it was Saturday and that is the only day te office is closed so the next morning I practiced at home, I was already up at 3AM with excitement and then the some day I registered. I told Sharat about my knee and he asked what happened and when I said the doctor told me that minuscis is fine but there is inflammation over the femur he said good then it will go away. My practice time is 8AM! so late, and as I got to the waiting room on Monday morning I saw maybe at least 20 other people waiting and I kind of panicked wheter I would be able to practice that morning! After half an hour wait, yes I did practiced and sweated a lot more than I have sweated for the past year...
We still did not find a place to stay,. Gokulam is super packed. But next week some people are leaving because it will be the end of a month since Sharath began teaching... of course more are coming but hopefully we will be able to get something which will become available before the new comers...
On Monday, I also began the massage course with my good friend Kumar who is a very good body worker and also transomatic dialogue therapist. We are only four people doing the course so we get lots of guidance. I enjoy it and hopefully I will learn well and keep up the practice so I can give massages at some point and make some money also as I travel.... and it is also good to learn how to touch in a right way when you are a yoga instructor.
On the other part of things, I have to admit that I have been having a bit of difficult time with being with A for 24 hours. It has been 3 weeks since we have been on 2 4hour hour schedule and it began getting on me. After so many years of alone time, being so used to be on your own, having your own plans and programs, then suddenly someone else enters the picture... not easy for this Vata woman but I wish that is is not impossible... We just have to give each other some freedom in these coming days.