Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Heat buzz

Ohh I am so tired today… it is insane. After coming back from teaching, I had my breakfast and I just could not help it, I lay down on my bed and just passed out… I could sleep the whole day probably, but I had to get up and run some errands. I think the heat is getting me... Moreover I am sore all over. I am sore in places I have not been for so long… such as my hamstrings… and then also something is pulling on the right side of my lower back… I feel it most during Halasana… it is weird. I am also sore in quadriceps since I decided to do Laghu Vajrasana number of times like Rolf used to make me do when I was learning it. I feel like I have been slacking a bit and therefore, my knees come off slightly when I am coming up from it. So, I do it exhale come down, inhale come up for several times and then do the 5 breath down and come up… that works your quads! Oh well, I need more energy tough, and not drinking coffee doesn’t help. I think me will begin drinking coffee soon… sorry homeopathy.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Sick morning...

This morning, well around 2:30 AM I was already awake, turning round and round in my bed. Then it was time to get up but I could not because my head was spinning, I was nauseas, so I thought if I sleep one more hour ,maybe I will be ok. One hour later I got up and threw up and had the runs… not so appealing… went back to bed… one hour later I got up, waited few minutes, called S to see if he could let people know that I cannot come, but damn he decided to not come this morning! So, I had to get up and go down to the shala. I let the student know that I was not going to adjust much since I was feeling nauseas… of course, it was not a good idea to go down to teach since I was not able to give good energy to the students… it would be better not to go at all, but I also felt responsible to let them know and there were few new beginners who might have showed up… Anyways… this at least benefits the knee, more rest to it… Now, I am feeling better, a bit tired from not so good sleep but nausea is much less and the diarrhea stopped. I will rest, be lazy, watch TV, read my book, eat boiled rice… and tomorrow, it will be all good.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

this morning...

This morning I had a weird practice, weird because of my emergency modification of the sequence. I did the whole standing sequence (modified ardha baddha padotannasana) and then did dandasana, paschimottanasanas, and then jumped to second series (!) but from shalabasana since even pasasana does not feel good on the knee, and krounchasana is a bit iffy, and I did up to supta vajrasana (modifying it) and did not even do my beloved bakasanas since they are also not great on the knee due to bending it and then I did not want to do any leg behind the head ones… I know this is a bit ridiculous… very unorthodox... but I wanted to do nothing that had to do with that area of the knee... so this what came out...

Well, the thing I realized is last week the knee or the area next to the knee (the pain is not on the knee) was much better but then I had this session with this very famous German body therapist named Manfred. Then it got worse again!? Maybe his session did not work on me. So, now I am back to almost beginning… a bit frustrating but still I am learning a lot. I am learning not to mix up stuff too much, just focus and believe it will be alright. No need for more body therapists, more doctors just do what is needed to be done, rest it!

Okey. Wish me good luck, good healing. I hope to be full power soon as Rolf would put it! Yet, even now things are all right, I am very lucky to have this much as well. namaste to all…

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Remembering Dr. Passang

On Sunday, we went to the island with my sister for my mom’s birthday, which was on Saturday and also for father’s day. Since Monday was moon day, we stayed over night. It was nice to stay out of the city, and spend time with my family… I baked a chocolate cake for mom which turned out really nice.

But I also cheated this weekend. I practiced Saturday, I did not practice Sunday and then I practiced on Monday in a moon day. Why? Well, I wanted to practice without having to do anything afterwards, such as running to the studio to teach… But I think ashtanga gods punished me for practicing yesterday because my body was all achy today ☺

Anyways… The thing is the knee is still not 100% healed and that is of course because of me. I think I might need to give it a real break like not practicing more than standing sequences for a week… because as soon as there is some improvement, I begin getting excited and trying to do more. However, if I do only standing sequence and maybe go over them twice and not pay attention to the knee at all (so I would not attempt ardha baddha padmottanasana) that might give it a better break. Then I will see what happens after a week. I keep thinking of Doctor Passang. If I were in Pune, he would have already fixed it, I am so sure. He is a great Tibetan doctor/ acupuncturist. I went to him my first time in Pune because my ankle was swollen form jumping around too much and a friend swore on him, telling me that he saved her life so she took me him… Now, me and my sister swear on him, especially my sister. I took my sister to him for the first time after the new years eve that same year, she was kind of paralyzed on her left side due to too much Indian Champaign ☺ But then he also helped her with many other things… He is a great doctor…

Thursday, June 18, 2009

So they are back...

So they are back, well most of them… the room is not so empty… I am happy to see especially certain faces…

Ohh yeah, this week had its dramas and incidents…. The last couple of days… yes in that room early morning. Yesterday one of my students fell on her nose while struggling with Buja Pindasana. I felt very responsible. I thought she could lift by herself, so I did not help her. I could have lifted her from the hips, instead, I told her what to do… I thought she was stronger than she is actually, I could have realized that she was not. Nothing serious happened, ice on the nose and then she wanted to continue. At the end of her practice, during shavasana, I did reiki to her. She left happy. I learned a good lesson: it is better to be on the cautious side. I guess this was all coming from thinking that I am not encouraging them to do more. All this other stuff is interfering… what stuff? don’t ask…

Then this morning… another thing. This is more about attitudes. One of them does not totally get the silence, and going within aspect of this practice…. She sometimes stops and begins engaging with what is going on with another who is next to her, or whom I am helping at the moment… so, I suddenly snapped today, I told her to mind her own business. Yes, I can sometimes be abruptly stern, not a great trade, I am aware. Well, later when I tried to help her with something she told me off. I really got red probably at that moment. Then, I had to just go on doing my job and then I sat and listened to myself. What do I feel, what do I want to do with this situation, what do I think? My first thoughts were to tell her that I cannot have her talking in the class, and when she is warned, her telling me off, so if we are going to have ego clashes here, better you do not come to my classes… yes, this was the first reaction of the mind. I kept sitting… and then I got out of the room when everyone finished. She was in shavasana and couple of more people also. When the others left, I went into the room; she was not in shavasana anymore but laying on her side. So, I sat beside her and touched her shoulder, then she said that she got hurt. I told her that she needs to practice to be concentrated in her own practice not to get all airy and get mixed up with others’ practices or whatever is going on around… I told her that she has a good practice, she works really hard to get the asanas she cannot manage and in short time, she manages them… this is all good, but besides the asana, we also need to go within, to not get distracted with everything so easily. I apologized from her for being so hard, and I needed to. Sometimes words come out without thinking and that is what happened, they just came out and of course I am a human too, so I do wrong as well… so I apologized and admitted that I could have told the same thing in much better way.

Being a teacher is the hardest and the most major trainings of all I guess. I realize that I am learning more than I could imagine. I am learning about relations, I am learning about myself, I am learning what happens when I compromise from myself, I am learning how to manage myself and others…

What else? Well I have been to a nutritionist with my mom’s insistence. That is another story. Briefly, I have to eat more protein. And I am doing a big effort now, it helps that she gave me some guidelines. Like Kathy the acupuncturist, she also told me that I need to eat legumes with rice like Indian people, then it is a complete protein source…

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Need Backing maybe...

Quiet… Going and then coming back always requires a bit of settling down time for me. Realization of what it could have been like with a good teacher all the time… then coming back and finding half of the students are gone… gone where? Vacation… and then some of them just don’t practice I guess since their TT has finished… well again “?” for me… practice for just TT mentality?
Don’t know, don’t know.

I am trying to read Sutras slowly. I have this book on Yoga Sutras of Patanjali I got for Tias’s training, it is translated and commented by Chip Hartranft. Back then, I was too intimidated to read it other than looking for the references Tias did during the training. Well, actually we really did not read much else than the booklet they gave then. However, to my surprise, this book is not intimidating, it is nicely written, not confusing, not over my head (is this a correct expression?) so I read and then try to implement, and yes not so successful yet ☺ trying to see the distinction between the self and the awareness, trying nonreaction, trying to observe, and still I get swept away… ohh well…

So again the thoughts of India, thoughts of maybe visiting Rolf and Marci in August since it will be even more empty here in that time. no need to struggle with that, and instead doing something that will benefit me... just a thought

Friday, June 05, 2009

A week of London!

I am back from London after a week! It was great to visit this place where my journey of ashtanga practice began! It was great to practice with one of my first ashtanga teachers who had a great influence on my practice, on my commitment to the practice… It was great to drink lots of Monmouth coffee again. And it was great to stay and hang out with a friend with whom I met in Mysore.

I have lots of things to write about… lots of. But probably I will forget some of it with time; therefore, here is a quick one or two words…

Last weekend, we attended Matthew Sweeney workshop for jump troughs. I think I picked up one thing that will help me with strengthening the Moola Bandha. Sunday was self-practice elsewhere in Islington with a very nice lady and then brunch at Food for Thought; it couldn’t be any better! It was so fun to spend time with two ashtangis! all the yoga talk you can do and all the related stuff...

Then came my first day of practicing with Cary again after 2 years…She is so vibrant and so lovely! While It was great to so her again and, I was also so nervous! Kind of feeling responsible to do well since she hadn’t seen me for so long and I wanted her to notice that I have been working on my practice… I felt a bit like I am not as good as I could be; if I kept on with her all this time, I could be much better… and of course my knee injury did not make me feel any better, not doing anything or able to do many things properly… I guess it was a big humbling experience. Maybe it was more valuable than if I could do everything great; it was -yes you are back to the point where you begin and actually you are back to the physical place where you begin too! At least, now, she has seen me dropping back and coming up! Back then, for so many months she helped me with this, but I was too scared and could not do it. On the other hand, she knew I could do it and right after we parted, I did it! Because she worked with me so much on drop backs, I wanted her to see this. At last she has seen… and she is like Sharat, it is great to grab ankles with her… Then, she gave me some great tips for bakasana. I say great tips because obviously what I have been doing did not work since I still did not make much improvement in such a long time of endeavoring. Something has not been working, and I know mostly it is the fear factor. Cary showed me the way to go forward low, instead of jumping high and going down to the knees, which is much more difficult, especially if you are trying going high before you win over your fear of going forward… And now, I am determined! I have to do this, I have to do it and there is no other way; I will try many many times every day with pillows in front of me and I will do this before my birthday! Yes, here I say it, and so it has to be done, no excuses and no frustrations any more, just working on it with a determined and positive mind! See, how Cary is a motivating , encouraging teacher and with great ways to approach things without discouraging… not only a “just do it” approach, but actually giving really helpful tips. That is what is needed from a teacher. To show a way, which is workable for the student, a way where there can be improvements done. Also, she is such a good example of believing in the practice and believing in the power of will... Our mind tries to trick us to a lot of things that are not true; here comes my “maya”, illusion, of not being good enough, not being strong enough, not being this and that enough… Well, of course I need to get stronger, and I need to get better in what I do, but it does not help to think in a discouraging way. I think the way is doing it and realizing the patterns which set us back; therefore, we can change them. I guess this is true in most things not in only trying to achieve a posture…

Then I also I got to meet Oscar! He is a lovely baby. So calm and smiley and responsive to people. He really recognizes the people… For example, as I eneered the door, Cary said “look this is Ahu, an old friend” and he looked at me and then smiled! I found this incredible for a 5 month old! It was also wonderful to see Cary other than practice, and talk with her! Afterwards, I realized that I have grown up in some ways; maybe I was just more comfortable expressing myself…

I know London has been so much about yoga… But it has always been that way. Ohh also I got the third tattoo fixed so now it is really the third tattoo instead of that draft of a tattoo… I got it at the last moment at A Ture Love. In to You was booked of course, I asked them through email way before arriving to London… Anyways, the tattoo is sorted out and much more like what I had in mind in the first place.