I call myself excessively intuitive. I went to my second led ashtanga class in Istanbul. I guess I was in a bad mood to begin with and then I even felt more hopeless when I began feeling that all is show off here… I just cannot bare pretentious people… I am weak, yes absolutely weak because I am giving into this b….s.… In the middle of practice tears began rolling down my cheeks. Then I continued my practice… But the real blow off came during backdrops. Eric was helping few of us with backdrops. At one point he said that if we feel like it we can give a little push to our neighbor at Paschimottanasana , and since I had helped with adjustments to Cary in London and I really like to do it and also I think that it is quite nice when someone gives you a little more push at Paschimottanasana after backdrops, I gave a little help to the woman in front of me. But then that teacher wanna be woman lift her head and gave me a look full off disdain and ridicule, which made feel really bad. I know I am being too sensitive. I should feel more confident, instead of insecure and under critical eyes of people. I knew what I was doing and on top of everything I did it because our teacher suggested it. But at the moment I felt horrible and until the end of the practice I could not stop my tears… While on my way home I kept thinking what I am going to do. I felt that one thing that made me get up in the morning, gave me a reason to go on and not be depressed is being taken away from me. But then I am being too excessively sensitive. I will have to learn how to face these kind of situations and people because they are inevitable. I will come across to these kind of people from time to time like everyone does. I have to toughen up.
The good news is I reserved my ticket for October 24th to Bombay and from Bombay to Bangalore. Tomorrow morning I am going to Indian consulate to apply for a Visa. I should be excited not in tears… uhhh I am so silly sometimes. It is all in my head, I can let people destroy me or I can choose to continue in my happy pace… I will try to work on the latter…
It was nice to have two days of with the full moon. Tomorrow morning will be tough after tonight’s class but it is ok, it is my self practice....
3 comments:
I know this sounds a bit strange, but maybe try and dedicate your next practice to those people? You didn't have a very nice time, maybe you can turn it around.
Sounds like our paths might cross in mysore.
I hope the visa people are much more welcoming :)
Go back and practice again with a smile - all the changes can't be easy for you, and remember you are a new face to some of the people in that class too.
Good luck with the visa - in London you have to queue for about half a day - I have that to look forward to again soon...
Thank you all. I have to try and be receptive.
It will be alright...
I think I will get my visa today. I gave my passport and all that was required with it and they told me to come back to pick it up today after 5pm! I have never seen such a thing, same day visa!
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