From Pune back to Goa and then Istanbul...

I have not written for ages, yes literally for ages… After I left Goa for Pune, for three months I did not have much of a breather… I did the 3 month long Work as meditation residential program at the Osho Commune in Pune. I thought I would not last longer than a month but I survived through out the whole 3 months… First I was working at the Welcome Center which was quite stressful… the only advantage was seeing the cute guys before anyone else since they had to go through us to enter to the commune ☺ While working at the welcome center, I did not feel like talking at all after work or during my breaks. I had the silent patch handy for the most of the time… But after 3 weeks, they moved me to Basho, the pool area where I spent the rest of my training working at the kiosk. That was much better; the nature, the pool, having music… I also began teaching yoga three mornings a week. Teaching went really well, people were very happy with my teaching. Sometimes there would be 20 or more students; I have never seen yoga being that popular in the commune besides me never having taught that many people before… First, I was teaching in a more Tias way but then I decided to teach ashtanga. Sometimes I had to modify according to the needs of the students, then it would be teaching led class based on ashtanga.
On the other hand, while working at Basho… all the issues I had to face, actually exploded on my face… I was really exposed meaning that I had to interact with people all the time (in a different way than Welcome Center), sometimes that would be very overwhelming; the boys who would hang out by the kiosk forever, while I was stuck there… I had to learn to be more assertive; still I am not sure if I have really learned it… I faced a lot of stuff about myself. It was very challenging sometimes and then it was very easy going some other times… Mainly, this time it was my issues regarding men… At the end, I left the commune by the end of March feeling a bit hurt, a bit frustrated. I thought that most people were vain and there was hardly any love in the whole place… everyone was after one think… I gave away all my robes declaring that I will never come back to this place. However, nothing changed regarding my devotion to Osho if not it is growing bigger…
I was supposed to go to Rishikes after Pune according to my plans but I ended up going back to Goa to study with Rolf for another month. I promised myself to learn how to ride the scooter and hopped into the sleeper bus on March 27th from in front of the German Bakery. My friend Divya fare welled me and then I was on my way to south. When I arrived to Goa I felt so good, it was green around and the air was breathable. And then meeting my friends… some were the ones that I met back in December. They went to Mysore and then came back to Goa to study with Rolf again. Going back to practice with Rolf was great after lonely practices in my room at the commune… Then, Goa began getting really hot and also empty. By the end of April, there were so few foreigners and all the shacks and shops began to be taken apart. I stayed until Rolf stopped teaching at the very last day of April. At the end, we were 5-6 people practicing with him and that was such a great opportunity, having so much help and attention from Rolf! He moved my practice quite a bit; the last day, he gave me Eka Pada Sirsasana of course with going in and going out to the pose.
The funny think is I had to continue dealing with similar issues iwhen I got back to Goa as I did in Pune… what to do… this was what India chose this time for me to work on, so I gave in…
Now, I look back and think that it was like everywhere in the Osho commune but a bit clearer, a bit less hidden. This place is where you see everything very clearly with all its beauty and ugliness. Yes, people can be vain everywhere and this is just much more obvious in the commune, even one’s own vainness… And no matter what, it is still a buddha field… But I guess I will give it a break for a while, and not visit Pune when I go to India next season.
So, I got back to Istanbul in the beginning of May after not knowing what I was going to do next. I was debating between going out to renew my visa to go to Mysore and going back home, so I could come back for Rolf next season. Then, my friends who own the coolest shala in Istanbul asked me to teach Mysore classes in their school. Therefore, it was decided for me to go back. I stayed in Bombay for a couple of days before heading back. After reading Shantaram, it was fun to be in Bombay. I was looking everything with the idea I got from the book. Of course I stayed at Coloba district! I actually liked the city, I can imagine living there.
Now it is Istanbul… I will begin teaching next Monday. I am very excited and at the same time I am very nervous… cross your fingers for me!

Last days in Goa

I have not been writing because it is just not as fun to write in internet cafes … So without much notes from me, time to leave Goa almost arrived… I will be leaving Goa on Friday night. This will be my first bus journey in India. I guess it was time for it. I will leave at 8pm and hopefully will be in Pune 7 am in the morning. Then I have 3 days until I begin working in the Osho meditation resort. But of course I will already begin the Osho life since I will not be able to attend the meditations between 9am and 4 pm while I work.
About Goa and practice with Rolf and Marci… It is just wonderful to study with them! I found my teacher at last! I knew something terrific would happen in Goa before coming here, I kept telling my mom that there will be something very special in Goa and yes there is something very special in Goa, my teacher. The practice has been very intense with them and I just feel the difference that begin taking place in my practice so it is kind of heart breaking to leave at this point; however, I plan to come back definitely after Pune. I might even stay less than 3 months in Pune and be back in Goa in March or the alternative is that finding Rolf and Marci wherever they are in April, for sure they will be teaching somewhere in India according to what they have said….Yes, this one month is definitely not enough… I have been craving this kind of practice so much, it has been very nurturing for me. Rolf is a great person and teacher. He pays attention to each student equally… I have so many positive things to say about him! And his presence is very easing, peaceful…
With my practice, I have been working on Laghu Vajrasana quite hard and it began paying off. When I arrived here, I was doing nothing similar to it and now it is coming on well with hands on ankles, arms staight… Then, Bakasana A is added to my practice last week. Also I work on jumping up to hand stands with two feet together, which still seems hopeless, Mau class them my bunny hopes  but with patience and time they will come along as well…
On the other hand, I am also excited about going to Pune. I am sure it will be very nice there as well… it will be a heart opening experience again… I am so lucky that I am equally excited about the place I am going to as I am sorry about leaving Goa!

Time in Goa

I have been very lazy with the computer since I came to Goa… so here goes my first entry which I have actually written the week I arrived…
November 26th… It has been almost a week since I arrived to Goa. Rolf makes everyone practice primary series in their first practice. The first couple of days, they were teaching in Purple valley, and then they went back to their own shala at Arpora. We have self practice Monday through Friday, Friday being self practice primary series for everyone. In the beginning of the new week, Rolf told me to go ahead and practice until where Nancy took me in second series which is up till Supta Vajrasana. Then he told me to do hand stands after my back drops… After I did it against the wall, he helped me go up to hand stand in the middle of the room and then drop to back bend which felt nice. After practice I had a massage from Subuddha, an Osho devotee to whom other ashtangis had been going to. It was a very strong massage, maybe too strong for my liking… The next day, the practice was strong, hard… I practiced laghu vajrasana so many times, Marci helped me… Then with hand stands, Marci made me work against the wall, but trying to come up with both feet and knees together, hopping… It was difficult (still is)… but I feel that it will help me get stronger…
Goa is nice; I stopped worrying what to do rest of the day since the practice is tyring enough for the whole day. The Indian girls in the beach can be overwhelming, trying to sell you sarong, shirt, jewelry, etc… Then there is the juice bar in Chapora to which we usually go to after practice. There we see a lot of lost Western souls, they look like they have been there for ages and they look like they have been stoned for ages….
I tried to use a scooter in the weekend twice but I seem to be no good at it and so my friends take me at the back of their scooter to the shala…. Most of us stay in Vagator; shala is 15 minutes fast drive away, in Arpora….


December 8----Now it has been two weeks, I feel the practice kicking in. Marci and Rolf do not allow any cheating… Laghu vajrasana, straight arms, hands on the ankles, go down to top of your head. I practice this many times in my practice, but 5 breaths is not possible yet, two is possible. This week Rolf said, next week you will be able to do it. Then, Friday’s primary series felt like a piece of cake, so light and short… Today my flat mate Gibran is leaving, ohh also Steve and Sachi are leaving... I will miss them so much, it has been great fun! Most of us live in Sea View; it almost became a dormitory for us… Raj is the owner, a nice man...

Born Twice

I have been quiet for while… because for some part, I was really in silence and no connection to external world… I went to Osho Miasto, the Osho commune in Tuscany for the Osho group “Primal, twice born deconditioning from childhood.” It was an eight-day long group. The first 4 days were extremely difficult for me; I was counting days. The funny part is the difficulty was mostly on physical level. My head began aching as if it was going to explode on the 3rd day and then I was aching all over my body… and I practice everyday, so I am not one of those people when I dance and be active a bit that I should be aching this much… but my legs, the sides of my legs were aching terribly and all I wanted to do was to hide under the sheets and sleep all day long. I guess part of the headache was detoxing from coffeee!!! But all these aches, on the fifth day- the climax day, disappeared magically. Such a detox from emotional, mental and physical rubbish! And the night of that day, when I woke up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I realized that I was smiling! The Dynamic meditation combined with the group, just made me see clearer, and really physically I felt like I was seeing clearer and then, I was seeing myself more clearly, even with my practice; why I love this practice so many people are critical of and how I will stand by it proudly now on because it is the first one that woke me up and still keeps me awake!!!
After the 5th day, it was much easier and fun and also being literally born twice was the greatest experience! So, it was all worth it. I am happy that I have done this group and I thank my sister for insisting me to do this group. I was a bit frustrated with her when she pressured me so much, but now, I thank her.
Therefore, with all this, my travel plans changed a bit. I am going to Goa on the 20th of November, already purchased my ticket. I will study with Rolf and Marci there. Then, I applied for the residential program in Pune Osho meditation resort because I want to be with people and work with people and be in a place where there is meditation being done everyday so I will not fall back from meditating… And I just learned this morning that I got accepted! I will work and stay in the resort for 90 days! I am so happy!!! From deep inside, I felt that this would be very good for me when I was out of Miasto and so I hope it will be….
After all this, I would love to go to Mysore but I am not sure if the shala will be open. I see that they have a US tour coming up which is between March 15-28 2008. I wonder of they will open the shala after it. If anyone has an idea, please let me know.

Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung

Now on, I stop going back and blaming myself and others for the past, for my shortcomings, for my fears…
What we get is what we give… I have to move with that awareness. I shall take every step, say every word, have every intention, every thought with that awareness. I should approach my practice with that awareness; I also should approach my teaching with that awareness. Then all will heal, grow and flourish… with love, passion and compassion in my life.

Pain, anybody got ideas???

I have been very much under the weather last week. I think it was Tuesday, after a very good practice, I began having this ache on my left chest. Yes, I had a pain in my chest before going to Berlin, which began on my lower left ribs and then moved up and middle of my sternum. While in Berlin, it was there but was not an inhibition to my practice. After coming back, I was all right but then this week, it made an acute come back. Tuesday, I just felt something. Wednesday practice sucked but not because of the chest pain but because I was damn too sleepy at 6am in the morning probably because one morning before (when I had that marvelous practice) I was up at 4am and the next day my body wanted to stay in bed longer… But then after practice, when I checked my mail, I got an email which was response to my earlier email from the owner of the studio which made me almost choke, choke with tears… I feel like I should not elaborate here… but he was absurd, hostile and accusative in the email conversations we had which was few back and forth mails… and when I said “okay I will loose my money [yes it was money issue] do as it is appropriate for you”, then he turned around and told me that he did not mean that I should loose my money but I was wanting to be treated with privilege and not admitting and if I only did, then it would be okey… ohh it is like I will do a favor (which was no favor really) but first I have to make you miserable…. Anyways… but then my pain start getting worse, on Friday I was crawling on my mat instead of practice… it got that bad. Saturday, I did not practice the first thing in the morning but at noon, which was better. Then I decided to go my friends’ studio for a gentle class, which I thought might help me relax. It kind of did but I also had to listen some sort of criticism of ashtanga and that it was the reason for my pain…
Today, pain moved to my shoulder blade. I don’t know what to make out of this anymore. If anyone had similar experience, please let me know, let me know what was it and how you dealt with it….

Some notes on Berlin Workshop..

So, being back is always tough after such a good study… It was lovely to be studying with someone like Nancy who believes in the practice. Of course, me being the queen of highs and lows, I went into lows after being back… After I returned to Istanbul, I took the first three days off (including the moon day) for ladies holiday. Yes, this workshop also has been very healing for me! Practicing in the way Nancy taught, in the way Guruji taught Nancy, actually did the trick for me and got my hormones working after they have been in a halt for a while… On the other hand, Surya was claiming that ashtanga practice can mess up women's hormones… I guess part of it is all in our heads… we get what we project. For me, doing things in the way it was originally taught had been very good, very soothing and so the results are here, but maybe if I did not enjoy, and embraced Nancy’s teaching, I would not get the same results… this is all maya…
During the 9 days of practice with Nancy, she got me through Supta Vajrasana in my practice. When I began, I was doing up till Bhekasana. Yes, she moves one fast and then let you work on the set of asanas she gives. The only scary one among all these new asanas is getting out of Laghu Vajrasana… One is suppose to keeo the hands on the ankles contrary to what they have in asana vinyasa guide here…. It is difficult but I guess it teaches one to really use the legs in back bends…
Here I want to share what Nancy said about Surya Namaskaras, and few other pointers about dristi and vinyasa…
This is a bit from my notes from the first day of the adjustment clinic:
Surya Namaskara-
When inhaling up hands forward a bit, not directly above the head, tail bone is tucked in, no back bend. When we inhale down, palms on the floor, with “inhale look up” only head is up, palms still on the floor. If needed, knees can be bend.
With down dog, shorter stance so tail bone is tucked in and you can use your bandhas.
During down dog, inside of elbows face one another.
Rolling toes during transition from chaturanga to up dog is important, no lifting the feet and taking toes under.
Breath is the most important. Moving with the breath, then corrections on the asanas come. Also breathe with sound and move the ribs as if your life depends on it. This is how breath moves your energy, and try to inhale and exhale the same length.
Surya Namaskaras are like a prayer that is why Jois family do not adjust during Surya Namaskara. We can only adjust during down dog…
During Surya Namaskara B, no touching the floor when getting into Utkatasana, that is John Scott version. No need to bend the knees too much in Utkatasana.
During down dog, might want to try heels in, you might use Mula Bandha better. Sharat has heels in; Guruji has heels in during Invocation…
Dhristi for Surya namaskara at breath 3,5, and 7 is changed to the nose! Why this change? When we look up, the attention goes out, when we look on our nose, the attention is more inwards.
Dristi when down dog is navel, we might not see the navel but we look towards it. During seated forward bends, first forehead to the knee, here the dristi is the nose, after this, if you can move shin to the knee, move it and here the dristi is towards the big toe…
During Vinyasa, we begin with inhale from down dog to jump, then we switch to exhale and in that exhale we get into the posture, and then inhale again.

Back from Berlin

I got back from Berlin last night. It was such a blessing to meet Nancy and study with her even if it was just for 9 days. This was just what I needed, I cannot believe that I have considered not going because of hassle of getting a Visa, etc… This workshop was the best thing I have done this year. It provided me the support I needed so much and made me feel good about my practice instead of apologetic. Nancy’s traditional approach is very nice and suits me just right. Her explanation of the way we do things and why we do them in ashtanga is very informative, and also her stories of studying with Guruji are great! This was such a learning from the source kind of experience. The best thing about Nancy is that she does not hold back information or people from moving forward with their practice. She teaches in the way Guruji taught them when they were learning in 1970s, so she is not conservative with introducing more advainced series to students. On the other hand, Nancy is very humble; she does not have that aura of unreachable teachers. She asks other people’s opinion when answering a question, but ultimately she is very clear. Therefore, I am relieved from confusions, which drew me nuts this past few months…
I don’t know, I don’t remember how I found out about this workshop but it was one of the things that was sent on my way to encourage me, to recharge me… The first few days, I kept repeating how happy I am that I came to this workshop. Also, practicing with other devoted people every morning was so good, and inspiring. I have been missing the company of such a group of people. Of course, now I am back to lonely practice one more time, but I should be charged a bit to go on by myself for a while. I will write more about what we have discussed during the workshop…

Decisions...

I kept having some dreams about my coming up journey… So, tomorrow I will be off to Berlin! I am trying to stay calm and not expecting too much so no disappointments…
On Thursday, I woke up with no chest pain. My friend from London dedicated her practice to me on Wednesday, so I guess it really worked! At least, reading her mail which told me that she would do this, warmed my heart so much it probably melted down some stickiness, whatever I had in my chest… Well, it mildly came back after the practice but I now know that it is part of the change that I have made with my chaturangas….
Ohh with my chest x-ray I saw the reality about my spine! Well, actually, first my doctor pointed out (with a bit of scorn) look at your spine, doesn’t yoga fix that? And there it was my curved spine… Therefore, Tias was correct about my scoliosis. He actually spotted it the first instance he saw my headstand. I bow in front of such eyes. But does that mean that I will never able to reach enlightment since I will not be able sit with a straight spine in meditation :)))
Well, I also decided to go ahead and do Eric’s TT, since it is here and I am (hopefully will be here) here and it will hopefully add more to my skills. The first part, we have already done last March, the second part is 3 months long (on Saturdays plus 3 led classes during the week) and for the third part, Eric’s teacher Suddha will come from Chicago for a week. However, I still am not so sure about my decision… One reason is Tias coming in May for few days including the weekend and I really want to attend his workshops when he is here. I mean the man comes all the way from Santa Fe! Such an opportunity! So, I do not know if it is okey to I skip one weekend of the training… the other is the led classes… I wish he would make some of it self-practice classes instead of the led classes all the time. I mean if these people in the TT want to become teachers, they will need to develop a self-practice, rite? But Eric says people do not like it… but this is a bit weird… then maybe this should not be called TT… and why it is all about pleasing people? and he can add self-practice to regular schedule, not taking away from the led classes, but lazy maybe, huh? okey I know I am going of the edge. But this is how I feel. Maybe this training is not for me… ahhh…

Dreaming of Berlin workshop

I had a dream about the coming Nancy G. workshop last night. It was the first night, there were people whom I do not know and mostly male contrary to workshops in Istanbul. I guess I was practicing and Nancy began eating her dinner but after few bites she set it aside and began practicing third series next to me and then stopped kind of abruptly. I was of course amazed but then curious why she stopped, I figured maybe it was enough for that day with traveling and all. I guess those third series asanas, such as Koundinyasana were stuck in my head from last night when I was cruising through the pictures and thinking ohh my god I will never get there and if I do one day, yes that should be extremely humbling! But then when I finished primary series and was doing Pasasana, Nancy asked how far I go in second series and I explained to her that I haven’t been to traditional Mysore class since I moved back to Istanbul and there is non to go to… but I said I am able to do Kapatonasana and previous ones but not sure if I do everything properly. And there was someone else, a man there, and he was saying that after kapotasana, there are very difficult asanas that I would not be able to do… Well, it was a weird dream, the setting, the people, the practice… hopefully I will check out to be healthy today after my Dr. appointment and can continue getting excited…
Okey, I have been to the doctor and nothing is wrong with me. So I am excited!
Today is the solar eclipse in Virgo, which is my sun sign, and I read somewhere that it will be good for us Virgos to right

Take a deep breath in

My chest had been still bothering me yesterday. I taught my gentle class and I was not sure whether to go into the led class or not, but I also wanted to see what would happen when I do practice. Eventually, I went in. It was most painful with chaturangas, with everything else I was all right. Actually, the windows were closed in the room because of me (the sicko) and therefore the room got really warm and my back was really open at the end for back drops… After class, I felt like my pain was much less. This morning, I woke up with the pain again but I did my practice. Again, it was chaturangas where I felt it the most. I guess my body still might be adjusting to new way of doing chaturangas. It has been almost a month since I switched to the new way but who knows… After shoulder blades maybe it is the chest what is suppose to ache. But I will still see a doctor because I am going away for about 10 days and I do want to make sure that I am okey before I leave. The doctor asked for a picture of my lungs, and today I went to the hospital to get them and the lady who was taking it asked me to take a deep breath in and hold it. It was a bit strange since I do not remember being asked this outside of a yoga class for the longest time. So, I took my deep breath. Hopefully it is nothing important… I cross my fingers.

Chest pain

Friday, the practice was difficult for me because the minor chest pain I had for few days, began to really bother me. I had this pain on my left side initially but yesterday, it began moving towards the middle and became more acute. Last night, it was really painfull. I have no clue what might be the reason for it. First, I thought it was a minor muscle ache from my endeavors of in the middle of the room pincha mayurasana, but I do not think so anymore. Maybe it is because of sweating and then opening all the windows at home and sitting in between the air current, or it is my gastritis again… I am a bit anxious since I will be leaving next Sunday for the workshop, so I am heading to a doctor this Monday… Does anyone have a clue what might be this moving around chest pain???

The first night, the first practice in the new place

Last night, I spent my first night in my new apartment. Well, I actually do not see this as my “new home” since it is a temporary agreement between my friend and I. I have subletted my friends place for at least 6 months; this is the agreement. She took away her personal stuff and I have brought my personal stuff, and that was it. Of course, the first night sleep was a bit patchy because I am now in a more busy area (but much more fun!) and for that reason, I cannot keep the window open given that I have one of the lightest sleeps, but then we still have August heat here… Therefore, I also need to bring my fan…
After the patchy sleep, I woke up with a bit difficulty at 6 A.M. but I did. The practice in a new place was a bit off balance… I guess I was pretty used to the practice in the middle of busy furniture living room of my parents ☺ Well, I was also a bit nervous about bothering the people downstairs with my jump backs. This is an old building and the floors are wooden… hopefully I am not bothering anyone. I am assuming that there is no bedroom below my living room!?
One development with my practice is after flipping smoothly during my in the middle of the room pincha mayurasana try out on my birthday, I did try it again two mornings later and then I did not flip but had the sense of a balance spot, I actually balanced for a second… so after that I have been trying it every morning, how else it will come through, rite?
I want to comment to one of the posts by V since I cannot comment directly because of Wordpress ban in this country. I actually admire your seriousness about the practice very much. While working in another job full time, still coming to practice every morning, that is indication of great dedication! That is giving majority of your free time to your practice… and then going into real life and dealing with people who might be so far from what lies in your heart…

Flirting with Gravity and Grace

Yesterday I went to my friend Defne’s Gravity and Grace workshop. Before hand, I told her to not expect me to convert ☺… Well, I wanted to attend the workshop because I love and respect her and appreciate her for being one of the few with whom I can relate with. And of course, I also wanted to support her…
Gravity and Grace… It was different. Very deep stretches in the beginning. In Gravity and Grace, contrary to old Ashtanga, the dynamic part comes after the deep stretches in the beginning part. However, I am a warm up and then stretch kind of girl. Other wise, especially my quadriceps during Pigeon like leg stretches scream pain, while, after warm up they maybe slightly give pain to me but stretch much much more… Shoulders give me easier time since they are the most open part of my body but still more pain than would be with a warm up. On the other hand, at the end of the workshop, during shavasana, I thought I would not be able to get up, I almost fall asleep. I guess after all those deep shoulder stretches, my body relaxed immensely. Afterwards, I felt like I was hangover or jet lagged.
When my friend asked whether I was a convert now I said “sorry”… maybe just because I have not done enough of it yet and I have already found a practice which I love very much and want to go deeper and deeper into it in spite of all pain it might bring forth… Who remembers how difficult and inconvenient ashtanga practice was, the first time I have tried it? ☺

P.S. Yogamum I do not have your email since I cannot see your blog from RSS as it appears...

Thanks...

Thank you all for your Birthday wishes. Yogamum and Clare, I can read you through RSS but I do not think I can comment on your posts anymore, but know that I keep reading your blogs and I enjoy them very much.
Yesterday I cooked all day long, all vegetarian food and mostly vegan. My and my sister’s friends came over. Not so many people since it was a week night and I still know few people here. We were eight people and it was a great night. My vegan birthday cake turned out to be heavenly! This morning I woke up at nine and did my practice. It was a good practice except the backbends, too much food at dinner do not agree with backdrops in the morning ☺ but it was birthday, so it is okey.
I am moving into my friends apartment on Sunday! Then I will begin meeting with my friend at Cihangir Yoga in the mornings to do self practice. She practices Gravity and Grace. It will be motivating to be practicing with a friend. I always feel more energetic, motivated, focused…

The 30s, here they are...

Well, here it is, I turn 30 today… I am hoping this decade will bring more clarity to my life.
I woke up at 5:45 am and did my practice. There were a lot of emotions boiling up, I burst into tears twice!? Hoping, hoping, wishing that I will be more confident now on, so that I will shed no more tears of frustration for those who can not except me as I am…
The other day, I discovered Ganesh at the FaceBook and last night I received a warm message from him. I miss Anu and Ganesh very much, ohh Anu’s food was so good.. I am already envies of all those people who are in Mysore… what to do , where to go…
Well, Happy birhtday to me! I am cooking for my own mini party... I already screwed up the Vegan ice cream :) well, hopefully other things will turn out okay...

UnDemocracy or what else?

Heyyyy! I cannot read Wordpress blogs!! I just wanted to read few Ashtangi blogs but what I came across to was this message in Turkish and English “Access to this site has been suspended in accordance with decision no: 2007/195 of T.C. Fatih 2.Civil Court of First Instance” What the f…? Now I cannot read Mindbending , Driste , Graciously , all those Word press blogs I used to read! I hate this undemocratic mentality in this country! Welcome to my world ☹ I have no clue why the hell they would block Wordpress in Turkey. One more reason why I cannot feel at home here…
Well, I was in a better mood before trying to see what is up with other bloggers I like to read…
My practice was okay this week in spite of the extreme heat. I wake up at 5:45 am before it gets hotter, but I still sweat a lot. I subbed a gentle class today, and tomorrow after teaching my gentle class, I will sub Eric’s Ashtanga Led class. I am a bit nervous about the Ashtanga class, hopefully I will not do something funny such as getting nervous during the chant and freezing or something…
Well, I feel bad that I cannot read your blogs anymore…

Second series, Schengen and Juicing...

During yesterday’s class, Eric did second series led until Pincha Payurasana, well he also had us play around with Mayurasana, and Nakrasana … Nakrasana was the scariest for me. But I realized that going up to Pincha Payurasana, was not painful as it had been for me, especially during the TT. I guess my efforts of elbows slightly open Chaturanga began paying off and so I am getting stronger ☺
After the class, I was talking to Eric and he told me that I can actually practice up to Pincha Payurasana at the moment. I, of course, protested because my heels do not come down exactly during Pasasana; however, he said that he knows many ashtanga teachers who would let me move on… Anyways, least week I practiced until Salabasana B, including it… I wonder what Nancy Gilgoff will let me do. I am still waiting for my passport to see if I go the Visa. They UPS it back to you which is kind of a pain… and just as I was writing these lines my passport came!!!! And they gave me Visa to cover my both trips, to Berlin and Italy! Yuppieee!!! Yes I am happy!!!
Okey, what else, as I was speaking of practice, I am very sore today. I don’t know if it is yesterday’s practice or the fact that it was so hot last night that I put the fan on and opened the window and probably all that on top of my sweating body was not the best. Also, I am doing a juice fast today; for this reason, I stopped my practice after Navasana . I know this is lazy of me but in this heat I get too dizzy, so I thought since also I am very sore, I can give myself a little break… uhh I feel really weak now... but it will all be good for my body, rite?

Yoga Matrix

Hey! This afternoon I got my yoga goodies that I have ordered from Amazon! I was afraid they would not make it to their destination since that has been the pattern for my orders from the US Amazon, but this time I worked hard on them, kept sending the determined energy for them making it home and it worked! And I was so excited, I don’t remember squeaking like that for a long time when I opened the already opened package (I guess Turkish customs opens the packages… or some curious postman who did not like what I gotten)! I have gotten Yoga Matrix: The Body As a Gateway to Freedom CD collection by Richard Freeman and Moola Bandha: The Master Key by Swami Buddhananda. I have already listened to the first CD of the Yoga Matrix, it consists of 6 CDs, and I loved it. I cannot wait to listen to the others! Richard Freeman's perception is very immense. I actually felt a great relief when I heard him say that when one comes across a paradox between this and that style, then the yoga begins working, so do not give up!... this had been my situation lately...

Ups and downs, and a lazy blogger...

I am being very lazy about blogging. I don’t know why? I have so much to write about actually… I have been going through ups and downs… I learned that my house will not be ready by the end of the year, so I began panicking and making many travel plans to avoid being cramped in my parent’s house longer… Then I decided to sublet a friend’s house who has a nice place in a nice area, but still keeping the travel plans, maybe not staying for 6 months in India but couple of months or so :)
How is practice? I feel like my practice kind of sucks. I am not getting any stronger, so I asked about this to Eric and he told me that I need to separate my elbows from my torso a bit during chaturangas... I was kind of taking strength by resting on my arms, I had no idea I was cheating... so I began practicing by separating my elbow, but it is so difficult, as if I am just a beginner... My shoulders, my arms, they are all sore… Now, my initial opinion of Mysore classes became a reality! I guess I mentioned this before, in the beginning I had no idea what Mysore classes meant, and I thought those classes in the schedule at Yoga Place were for people who were sore or injured… silly me… anyway… Therefore, my practice is given me hard time. Ohhh, I guess it is trying to tell me something, such as I need to do much more hard work to get where I want to...
Teaching is not going bad. There are few people who enjoy my teaching quite a lot. Actually, they are those three people whom I thought they were a bit awkward… See, you never know who will embrace you, or I never know... But the thing is they cannot believe I practice ashtanga, because I teach them a gentle class, I guess more of a Tias way. Does this mean that I am not being true to my own practice? I always go over what I am teaching that day… but what I question is, is it treachery to teach something else while owning another practice??? Well, maybe the adjustment clinic workshop with Nancy Gilgoff, which I will hopefully go to in September will help me. Yes, I applied for my visa to Germany yesterday and I feel that they will give me the Visa. God, they are though on us Turks… I got really frustrated and stressed about this Schengen Visa. They ask for so many things from one for a Visa while my sister, who was born in the US, does not need to do anything, she can just pick up and go wherever she wants to in Europe. Such discrimination… I actually had two missing documents, for one they made me go and get inhabitants document for my whole family from a Government office which was thankfully not so far. But why do they need such a thing about my whole family for a Visa I have no idea… The other thing was that the invitation letter from the yoga studio in Berlin was not valid; they were suppose to get a document from a Police Station in Germany… but the lady who was looking at my documents were nice enough to accept the letter that they have faxed from the studio… So, now I am waiting for my passport and then I can get my ticket for the flight to Berlin! If I do not get a visa, I will be only pissed for the 60 Euros, which they have taken for Visa fee, otherwise it means I was not meant to go to this workshop. But if I go, I hope to get as much as I can from Nancy. I hope it will set me straight at least regarding my own practice, especially after the TT, which confused me. I seem to be getting over that confusion though…
I am also planning to go to Italy at the end of October to do an Osho therapy group, Primal , so my sister will stop telling me that I should do that group every other day! I hope it will benefit me more than just getting my sister off my back because soon enough, she will be telling me to do something else like a mantra, it will not be a long term relief, thus I better get something more from doing this. ☺ .
Actually, beside all this sarcasm, I am sure this group will be very helpful for me. I decided that I should do it last January, when I was in Pune after doing Alchemy of Breath group. Ohh I cannot wait to go back to Pune! Hopefully after all these, around end of November, I will get myself to India!!!