Ida Mountain

Last Monday, my sister, me and some friends, we all went to Ida mountain by Canakkale. I went up to mountain with few friends, my sister and others stayed down by the camping area. Initially, I was going to stay down as well but Defne, who is another yoga chick, convinced me to go up. The first night we stayed at the peak of the mountain, which was extremely windy. I hardly slept; still, with the sunrise, we woke up for practice! It was windy but it was not as cold as the night, so we could practice. I did my ashtanga practice, while Defne and Yasemin did another style which is called Gravity and Grace. Then we packed our tents and went for a long hike. It took longer than 3 hours probably and my Converses killed my feet, so I recommend not hiking with them! Where our hike ended, there was a small creek where we had our lunch and then we went into the extremely cold water! It was so great! I don’t think I could go into such cold water some years ago but I guess I am stronger now, so it was not so difficult to dip in and of course there was the fact that I did not have any other shower option ☺ . Afterwards, we went to our next camping area in the woods, which was not windy; therefore, the tent was not sticking to my head at night and I had a nice sleep. The next day after practice and breakfast, I took the lazy way and stayed in the camping area, reading and laying around. That was a great choice! In the afternoon, I did two small walks and then me and Yasemin took a shower with our bikinis by this spring which was 100 meters away from our camping area. The water was even colder since it was originating right there. We used a water bottle and my Mysore sandalwood soap to have our shower. The last day, I did a shorter practice, and after breakfast we packed and got back down. It was very nice to practice in the nature. Of course, having a bumpy, rocky ground is not optimal, however, energetically, it is really something else, especially compare to practicing at home amongst furniture. Also, it is so nice to sit before and after practice and listen to the nature. This mini vacation was really nice. All that cold water which we could also drink…
Now I am back to the city… It is hot and sticky. I taught a class yesterday which was a bit strange. Three people showed up, a daughter and a mother and their acquaintance. Before the class, the young girl interrogated me by asking my history of training, whether I was trained here, in Turkey or abroad, etc… Anyway, then I wanted to chant Om at the beginning of the class, this wthen the mother began laughing, which did not really bother me. I don’t expect everyone to enjoy it. But I guess she felt bad, so she apologized after class. Then the other lady had a back injury, which kind of made me anxious. But over all, at the end, they all seemed pleased with the class. That is what matters the most. My only concern is I get different people in every class, I wish same people would show up so I could help them move on with their practice. Hopefully it will happen slowly.

Saturn...

I had my astro reading on Thursday and it was like a blow. Yes, he told me lots of good stuff as well but the main theme was the confusion which I am born into and that I am exactly in that same spot now due to my Saturn return, which actually does not end this month but ends in July 2008!!! He said the toughest part is over but the whole effect will end next year ☹ He told me that I need to make decision about what I want to do, where I want to live, all that… I panic now. I panic because I do not feel comfortable or confident with any of the decisions or I do not know how to make it a reality if I do make a certain decision… I know it all sounds confusing and heavy…well, this is the state of my being now, which I have to get out. He said that there is a lot of magic in my chart that is not activated and that I am acting like a pisces (moon in pisces) going with the flow instead of focusing. So, now I am panicking. I am panicking because if I do not get going it will get more difficult, I am panicking because I am afraid that I will make the wrong decision, etc…
Is there anyone else who panics after having an astrological reading and who gets depressed after a TT? Why am I unique in weirdest ways? I have to change my thinking patterns… Seriously… they certainly do not serve me.
By the way, practice is fine but I guess, the practice that I have to work on is in some other area than the one that I do at 6 am... It is to figure out how to prove myself to Saturn, to focus, to figure out who I am...

Looking better, feeling better...

This week has been treating my moods better than last week. Actually I guess it got all better by Friday last week. I thought my first class and I could see the tremendous difference in my teaching! It was very mood lifting, yeah! And then I thought Sunday’s gentle class and yes it went all good again! Hah, showed me that all TT was something more than confusing me in other ways such as what to practice, how to practice, all the noise in my head... Then during the led class with Eric, towards the end he divided the class in to two and had others go to finishing postures after Mari B while he had us continue until the end, and had me and this other girl practice until Parsva Dhanurasana and then he tried help me getting into back bends from hand stands again. This time was not as bad as the first time, I was not as disoriented, there was a bit more coordination on my part, but still did not get it ☺.
This week has been okey This morning I could n ot get up at 6am, I don’t know because I was lazy?! I got up at 7am and so I could only practice until Bhuja Pindasana because I had to be at the ghetto shala before 11 am to teach my non existing students over there. Yes, unfortunately, no one seems to come there at the moment. But then my other teacher friend, Demet, came and we did a Tias practice together. It was fun, I really enjoyed sharing what I learned. Then she took me to this only vegan place in Istanbul.
I will have my astro reading on Friday by this famous astologist, Gahl. I can hardly wait!

All sorts of crises...

I realize it seems like I am always in some sort of crises but the reality is that I seem to be forgetting to write when I am in a good mood.
So, I came back from mountaintop of Santa Fe. Couple of days after I got back, I went to the south of Turkey, to the beach for 5 days with my sister. We were at this quiet, no frills, very simple place where they have wooden huts and tents that you can rent out. I woke up every morning at 6am to practice with another friend who did her own practice. The sun would just rise as we began our practice. Except biting ants, it was lovely! Also, I met very nice people…
Still, this little holiday did not make the transition to real life much easier, or maybe it did and I am not realizing, maybe it would be even worse. My friend from the training, Stephanie, was telling me that she was having trouble settling back and I was wondering what she was meaning… Yes, I was really curious and now I see for myself… But the thing is that my Saturn return just finished today! Yesterday was the last day of it according to astro.com and ain’t it suppose to get better? I was suppose to be depressed during Saturn return, not after! But I began crying last night and then today I could not even wake up for my practice and then after waking up I cried more and more. I just realize there are not much people here that I connect with. Even the few who seems to have something in common with me, now seems to have nothing in common. I just cannot have a true, heart to heart conversation with someone. For instance, when I try to share something from my practice such as having hard time with something, the response is “ohh I do it in every practice” while when the same person tells me about some asana she/he has trouble with, I try to encourage and try to give examples from my own experience… I try to be encouraging while they make me feel like crap. Then I just don’t understand how people get excited about just anyone, anything, they have no focus! I say I will go to Nancy Gilgoff workshop and they say “ohh I will come too, I should” when, just a minute ago, they were telling me that they think ashtanga is probably not a practice for them!?!? I just have to turn my switch off. I seem to be taking things too seriously...
I am having crises of faith as my astrology reading would say. I am having crises of style of practice, crises of not having enough energy, but most importantly crises of not having my teacher! I feel so much need for my teacherat the moment, and I mean Cary when I say my teacher. Sincerely, she still is the only teacher I can call as “my teacher”. And today I did not wake up to practice, and then I felt guilty of not practicing but then I resisted the urge to practice in midday and I insist to go on this day without practice, I had to suffer this day through, leaving my lonely mat laying on the floor. In the afternoon, I suddenly decided to call Cary. And I was lucky to reach her and we talked for the first time after I left Mysore, we talked more than 50 minutes. It was sooo good talking to her! I felt aligned. At last, I felt that someone can relate to me, someone knows where I am coming from and someone can tell me how to make sense out of all this. And this day, I decided that my practice was, is and will be ashtanga practice. This is the practice that makes sense to me, it is the practice where I truly learn what I am doing, where I observe myself, my heart, my mind, my body. People find it difficult, people say you injure yourself in ashtanga but I find it otherwise. One moves on as their time comes, you go step by step, when you are ready. Now, with all these other things, I find myself worrying, sweating about Pincha-Mayurasana but why? I am not there yet… I do not want to worry about Pincha-Mayurasana before I reach to it! I just got to second series, and there are so many other asanas before that or this and I have no teacher to lead me through it but I will lead myself as much as I can, this is the circumstance I am in and I have to handle it! I was lucky to go to a good teacher training, now I can lead my own practice and also work on my teaching… I will not be teaching ashtanga most of the time but my practice will be ashtanga even if that means practicing twice a day so I can prepare for my class in the second one… This is it, so I reveal!
One good thing is that I met this wonderful person two days ago. I used to know her just a little from years back, she was my sister’s friend, and then she left for Thailand and there she got into yoga... She had been working on her practice for some years now… So, we met the other day. It was as if I met a new person and I did not realize how the time passed, it was very peaceful. I experienced someone who understands what is yoga about, someone who has some kind of depth, and truth. Now, she has gone to Europe until the end of the month… But this proves that there are some people out there! Some hope. I truly need to find my community here. I know there should be some people somewhere in this city where no one criticizes each other’s practice and respect and support each other’s path!

Explosion of the ashtangi

Here I am in Sante Fe at teacher training. We began the second level yesterday. I kind of knew this second week would be challenging, at least astrologically for me, but I was not expecting the explosion I had this morning. In the mornings, we have meditation with this lady. So I went to the temple at 5am to practice and some other people also came in afterward to do their own practice before the day begins... then, the meditation session began. we did some exercises, then she was talking with her overly sympathetic style and she said "If you are an ashtangi girl and you are doing the same practice
everyday, you are not honoring your body. you do not have a good practice" I was first "okey don't take it personally..." then this other person who came from Washington State to assist T also said something, which I could not listen fully anymore but it was something like: if you are practicing ashtanga primary series just for the sake of practicing without modifying and he went on blablablabla... so after all this I started tearing up, still I tried to contain myself and then we had a silent breakfast... but at the end, I could not hold myself and went to the lady who is manager of the training and told her that I need to talk to someone about the meditation session, I just had to tell someone that I cannot stand it if these criticism will pop up all the time! but then I began crying hysterically. I guess I was really hurt... The manager was surprised that meditation lady would say something like this especially since she does not practice any yoga and both T and S have backgrounds in ashtanga. I was upset because I came here with an open heart and mind, and in spite of ashtanga being my love... I am open minded enough but I think, at this stage, I am not ready to take any shallow criticism about our practice, especially in this form. Then, later on, the meditation lady came to me and tearing up, she apologized from me. She said “I am sorry I did not know you were a strong ashtanga practicioner and I honor you practice and Pattabhi Jois”!!!. Later, S told me to take what others say as a grain of rice and listen to my own heart. She understands me because she used to be so in love with her ashtanga practice too... and T never talks badly about ashtanga, he has his own way now but he is sensitive about how he talks about what he believes, what he prefers...
I never criticize anyone’s yoga, it is all beautiful to me… It is a very personal practice and for me, there is no place for judgments…
So I guess I stirred up some stuff here and some stuff was stirred up in me… and the theme of this week was stirring the ocean, water, fire, transformation… is it all related I wonder, what happened and all… I guess one reason for my sensitivity is also because we are in second week of our training and it is getting deeper and I am getting more sensitive…

NYC and my 8 random facts...

Here I am in NY before my TT. I arrived on Thursday, at noon. I love this city so much!!!! I missed it a lot. Now I stay at an unfamiliar part of the city, at 60s east side. So, I make daily trips to lower east side, eastvillage…. Ohh, I know someday I will again live here, maybe than forever. I went to Yogasutra on Friday for practice…. But I think my next time will be at Guy’s shala … the reason is that I think I will like it much better. I know Guy from Mysore, and I guess it will be better to practice where there is a familiar face… and to be honest, I had some weird first impression at Yogasutra … beginning with the reception lady who first told me that the first class is free, (which I was not expecting, I was already handing her money) and then she told me that I get some percent of from the first package I will buy… after this last bit, I told her I am in town for a week, so I will not be buying any packages and she suddenly changed and snapped at me saying “but you have written down a New York address at your [new student] form” so, I said I am staying with a friend (yeah what is the big deal? would I say I am staying for a week if I were trying to pull a trick???) and then she said “sorry, then you have to pay!”, so I sheepishly paid. I understand that they may not offer first class free if you are not potential permanent student but then is there any way of ensuring that in any case? However, the think that turned me off was not having a free class or not, but it was the the way she began talking to me in the middle of the conversation, she was suddenly very rude. So, I thought uhh what a great way to being my practice. I guess it was premature of me to think after finally finding the shala, “ohh I can relax and start over the day with a better start, here I am in a yoga studio” I thought that it can be a cure to my hectic beginning of the day which commenced with me figuring out at 6 am that I have lost my weekly metro card after using it only one day, so taking a cab to the shala (since nowhere is open at that time to sell metrocards and I was not close to a metro station) and after getting of the cab, wondering around 5th Avenue for 15 minutes, trying to find the shala, asking street venders if they know yoga sutra, a yoga studio around there… anyways… I think I am always better off at lower east side of this city anyhow…
Yesterday, I practiced at home. My friend’s apartment has a beautiful view of the river, so it was very nice until after I took my shower and figured that my friend’s cat, Negrito, peed in my suitcase!!! That was a bit upsetting, so I washed my stuff but the litter odor is still in my bag after spraying it with so much of Lysol… do you think I can get a suitcase dried cleaned? what else I can do to get it smell free?
By the way, I am not finding any Manduka mats or any other mat I like, here in NY. According to Manduka’s website , there are many retailers which carry it, but I called most of those yoga studios and they don’t have it. Everyone seems to have harmony mats, which I don’t particularly like…


So, finally here is my 8 random facts but I am not tagging anyone… enjoy them...


My mom kept telling me to do yoga when I was doing my first MA degree in NY, but I kept telling her back that it wasn’t for me!!! By the way, she was not doing yoga but she just felt that it was the thing for me! Moms know some stuff….

My favorite food is ice cream, well, now it is tofutti but I like to have it at home so I can add things on it like cookie, chocolate, nut pieces…

When I was young, I once locked my sneakers into the safe they had in a hotel room but then I forgot the password. For some reason, my parents did not bother to inform the hotel service and get it opened, maybe to punish me? So, my shoes got stuck in there.

My friends cat peed in my suitcase, and I still have a month to go with the same suitcase! (it will probably a whole different story after it is all hopefully worked out in some way)

When I began living in NYC, the first time I hated it, it was too much, too much of everything… now it is my favorite city. Where else you can walk out at 4am in the morning and find people walking around and the Koreans at the corner open so you can get a medicine for your headache?

I used to be a tall and fat kid.

I love coffee very much; it is the only addiction I don’t really want to give up as long as my stomach doesn’t give up from the acid.

When I saw Mysore classes in the schedule of Yoga Place the first time, I thought it was a class for people who were sore or something!!!! ☺ silly me.

need help with my next yoga mat!

Ok, I have been practicing with my cheap, old, falling apart sticky mat for a long time. But I am not planning to take that poor thing with me to my teacher training… so I will need to get a new, good quality mat as soon as I arrive to New York City. However, I don’t really know which mats are the better ones and where I can fin them in NYC. Any suggestions will be appreciated very much!

Afterthoughts, subjective, objective...

I think it is time to look back to the past few workshops I have been and to be more honest, instead of trying to be uncritical, about what I think about these rather famous yoga teachers… The first ones were Jivamukti creaters, David Life and Sharon Gannon. Maybe it is because I don’t get them, but I don’t thing I would do another workshop by them. I don’t really enjoy these other vinyasa styles which are made up later on by modifying the core… I have my vinyasa practice which is ashtanga vinyasa… and any other feels incomplete, or sometimes like an aerobics class…” I don’t want to be overly critical, and I believe that with good intention, these teachers also try to bring awareness to people about the spiritual side of practicing yoga, but maybe it is better to leave discovering those things to people themselves… I was not a vegetarian when I began getting so serious about my practice, and I was drinking heavily sometimes and I was even smoking here and there… but suddenly I stopped eating meat and slowly I wanted to drink less and with that, of course I slowly stopped smoking. They all came to me without my teacher imposing anything on me. It was just time to stop eating meat especially since I did not enjoy it so much and ate it to not upset my family. Then I realized it was not worth drinking so much when I feel that I don’t want to live next day because of the horrible hangover I get and also I wanted to be able to get up at 6am and go to my practice rather than feeling physically horrible. The smoking, I already knew how bad it was for me, I just had to stop. So, I believe that you can show the door to someone but you cannot force them through it. I assume those people, who were in the Jivamukti workshop, either discovered yoga by themselves, or maybe a friend introduced them to a yoga class and from there, they picked it up themselves with their own free will and continued. So just like that, the other parts will fall in or maybe they will not but I find it pushy when teachers began arguing with students about vegetarianism or the right path, etc… let them live their journey and have a respect for their journey. Yes, during the workshop, from time to time, there were discussions, which turned out to be uncomfortable at one point due to these issues…
With Manju… I really enjoyed him as a person. But I think the next time when he is here for a week, I will only join his workshop for couple of days because I already do the practice and I don’t enjoy to have led classes everyday… I believe that, as in Mysore, it is enough to have two led classes per week, then it should be my self practice where I will have a bit more time to struggle with some asanas or go further with others… during the workshop, we did no backdrops except the last two practices which were self practice… things like that sometimes frustrates me because some days I feel so open but I miss that because of such a led class… and when it is only led class, it is Manju counting… not much learning in that for me… maybe there is for others who don’t know the count, where to breath etc… Okey, am I being horrible? Well before that I have to reflect on one another…
With Tias Little… I have to admit that was real learning experience for me! That is what I expect from a “workshop”. He really contributed something to my practice, and I don’t mean that others did not but I picked some kind of understanding, more awareness from him which I cannot tell about others. For the first time, I experienced the asanas so deeply, as if they have penetrated my soul… Therefore, I realized there is so much more to discover for me yet…

Training preview...

Last weekend, beginning from Friday, was totally amazing for me. Yes, it was Tias Little workshop! One cannot imagine how I feel. I made this decision about a month ago, going to Tias Little’s Teacher Training without really knowing him… but from what I gathered through reading about him, combined with what I heard about him from other people and my gut feeling, I decided that this would be the appropriate training for me. And thanks all, for the first time, I listened to my instincts and made the right decision! I enjoy his teaching very much. Yes, Tias’ approach absolutely leans more toward Iyengar, and to my surprise, I really liked practicing in such deep level. It was the first time I felt asanas so deeply and I am still hangover from the experience… I believe this is what I need to become a good teacher, to really feel the asanas in such deep, intense level and learn the mechanics of them. Also, Tias adds a Buddhist essence to the whole practice, which agrees with me really well. So, I am very enthusiastic about next month; I can hardly wait…
The other thing that I have been occupied since the beginning of this week is the “new policy” of our shala. We, the teachers, were able to join each other’s classes for free but now they changed this. They require us to buy class packages! Now, we, the ones who are dissapointed with this new policy, are raising our voice. For me, forget accepting $ from another teacher who works at the same shala with me; it is an honor for me if a teacher would like to join my classes… I hope we will solve this problem peacefully…
Namaste.

Practice and teachers...

I practiced with Manju for a week while he was here. In the beginning, I was a bit bumped because all we were doing were led classes and I do not enjoy them as much as self practice naturally… But then I began feeling the intensity of practicing with him in my body… and later, the last two days of the workshop, we did Mysore classes, which were good… Manju is very relaxed and easy going person. I enjoyed his presence, his aura of contentment… He seems to like Istanbul a lot and he will be back in September. I am happy to meet him and for having the opportunity to practice with him. It was funny to see how Eric was next to his teacher, like a little, very excited kid. I guess most of us get like that when we are with our favorite teacher. I am still very fond of my first teacher, Cary, and I regard her to be my primary teacher although I am not in touch with her anymore. She helped my practice to advance so much and initiated me to teach, that I cannot thank her enough…
Today is the big day for me! I will meet Tias Little whose teacher training I am planning to do… He is giving a three-day workshop in Istanbul at Cihangir yoga. I hope it will be all well.
I feel lucky for having the opportunity to meet with all these teachers but I feel the lack of Mysore classes in Istanbul. I miss going to a shala every morning and practicing with other people before the day begins... and having the guidance of the same teacher every morning for the progress of my practice... but maybe universe is pushing me to be my own teacher, pushing me to realize that I am eligible to be my own teacher hereafter… or I am just unlucky for not having any place which offers Mysore classes… whichever I choose to believe in I guess..
I am also trying to figure out where I should practice during the 6 days I will stay in NYC. If anyone has any suggestions, I will appreciate!

be present...

Ohh I am so anxious, so excited, so and so and so… about this summer. I cannot wait for the end of May, then I will be going for my teaching training and then to Afroz Osho center!! But what is wrong with me, why cannot I be in the present, why is this need for jumping forward, what is wrong with present day? I am in no good mood today and I know it is all in my head. I am constantly hungry, sleepy, and headachy. Manju Jois coming next week. It will be a tiring week, not that the practice will be any different for me, probably would be much better but it will be always in the evening. That is what puts me in this mood actually. I need my practice in the morning like I need my coffee in the morning. I know they are not perfectly similar but that is what it is. Today I am going to Eric’s led class which begins at 7:30 pm so this is the reason why I am not aligned… I keep nagging Eric about Mysore classes and he says he would like but Can would not (the owner of the shala) because of financial reasons. Maybe he just says this to shut me up because Eric is no early riser for a fact, so that might be another reason for lack of Mysore classes…
Today the new shala began operation, its name is YogaIst, (I call it the ghetto yoga shala) it is still part of yoga shala but also it is separate somehow… Well, more old school shala meaning square room, no shower, no receptionist, teacher handles everything. I teach on Sundays at 11 over there. It is located in Galata, which is nice old part of Istanbul…
This is it from me for today since I am no fun… still need to learn to be present and accept things as they are. Everything is as it should be in the universe, right?

Issues or practice?

This week, in addition to my own classes, I also taught Eric’s two basic ashtanga classes. I like teaching but it is also like practice, not the same every time. So, some days it goes really well, I feel like the class is in harmony, but some days it feels like something is off… On Tuesday morning, it was the first time I was teaching Eric’s class so I was a bit nervous even tough it is much easier to teach ashtanga since most people already know what asana comes next… I was nervous because people who came to that class met me for the first time and they were kind of “himmm, who is this?” Then, one of them thought I was a foreigner, and spoke to me in English until I replied to her in Turkish. Sometimes, I think that a lot of people here trust foreigners to be expertise in whatever they do more than our own nationals, which is kind of sad. This is the same in everything not just in yoga, which is just flowering in Turkey. My sister would come across the same problem in photography, someone would get all the jobs just because he was an American… but you know what, I really want to be a good teacher, and I will become one. no need to consider my nationality, especially since I do not give a damn about having one… I believe in being a world citizen! Where this all came from now? Sometimes I wander off a bit too much…
On Thursday evening, a guy who usually comes for the gentle class joined my class. He had such hard time during down dogs I felt really anxious. I kept saying “please go to child pose if you are getting too tired”… I donnu what else I could have suggested. I guess I have to learn not to feel so bad when someone is having hard time. It is a process, right? I used to have hard times with some of the asanas which are no problem for me now, and I have hard time with some others now i.e. Bakasana , which will eventually be no problem at one point…
Yesterday, I was telling mom that Sharon Gannon told us during the workshop that if one has problems with Vrksasana (tree pose) or Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana or any standing balance asanas, that indicates that they have unresolved issues with their parents. Of course, mom went on to say “ I don’t understand you (meaning me and my sister), you always have a problem with us, other people’s kids, bla bla bla…” I really cannot stand sentences with OTHER PEOPLE’S KIDS. It is just ridiculous and uckily, I never remember saying “other people’s parents…” But Sharon was talking to the whole class which consisted from 30 people not only me. Anyways, the curious thing for me is I have no problem with Utthita Hsstga Pdangusthasana anymore (yes, I used to have before) since I do it everyday but when I am asked to do another kind of standing balance then I have a problem… so what does this tell? Is it really issues with parents or just practicing the same asana regularly?

Happenings in Istanbul

So I have been away from writing for a while and it is time to share a bit… I began teaching and it is getting better. The first two classes, I was nervous… but then I began relaxing with the third and it began getting better. I even have regular students, so I enjoy it… By the way, I use my sanyas name which I have taken while in Osho ashram, it is Maya, well Deva Maya is my full sanyas name…
On the other hand, Eric had his ashtanga foundation course. We (me and some toher teacher’s from Yoga Sala ) all participated and it was fun and I think I became more aware of bandhas. There were also two of Eric’s friends from the US, Josh and Jeane, who came for the workshop. They were very nice people and I think Jeane will come back as a visiting teacher! Right after Eric’s course, David Life and Sharon Gannon came for a workhop at Cihangir Yoga .. It was really great to have them. This was my first time doing Jivamukti Yoga and I enjoyed it; though, I still like ashtanga practice better. What I enjoyed was the freedom to explore asanas that I have not reached yet and the preps that David and Sharon made us do before hand. I also liked their emphasis on the spiritual side of the practice; actually, probably that was the best thing I received from 4 days I spent with them. I guess one tends to forget why we do what we do with our bodies and I was very happy to be reminded of that. This used to be a big part of my practice in the beginning, while I was in London, but I somehow wandered away from it… I think it happened in Mysore (strangely enough!). So, I am grateful to David and Sharon for reminding me why initially I got into yoga so deeply! I have to mention the strangest moment for me during their workhop. Sharon came to me during Virabatrasana A , pulled my hands and told me that I loose the connection between my hands and my heart and that is why I keep saying things over and over but no one hears me, that I do not have my heart in what I say… She said Virabatrasana A helps with this. I wonder if that is the case, I mean with me, not with Virabatrasana A helping with it.
The other thing is I am planning to do a teacher training. It seems like I will do a training with Tias Little . I also considered Donna Farhi ; however, her training was already full. I got into their wait list but then Tias Little’s (my second choice) training had only 2-3 spaces left, so not to miss all my opportunities, I signed up for his training. Now, I got an email from Donna Farhi training, saying that they have an opening! What to do? I guess I will stick with Tias Little. If anyone have any suggestions…
Eric is gone to NY for ten days, so I will also take over two of his ashtanga basic classes while he is away. This is all for now.

some good news

Actually I am not that fierce usually. But I can be some of the times… and then, my trust to this space, sharing my feelings, experiences all that is somehow diminished but I will try to keep it up for a bit more (I do not know if it matters for anyone)...
Anyways… what about practice? It is going okey. Besides practicing by myself at home, I am going to Eric’s classes and I also tried out another class by another teacher which was not ashtanga… but I really fee like I need to move onto second series but Eric does led classes and it is usually primary series because most of the people are at that level… so how to move on, I d o not know. Can I do it by myself? Is that legit?
okey, here is the news, well big news. Eric asked me to teach! They are opening a new shala, which will be more old school, less luxurious (meaning no showers, towels…) but at the same time some of the teachers are leaving… so he needs more teachers… and when he mentioned the new shala, I blurted out jokingly if he needed a teacher and he said “yes, do you want to teach?” I was shocked and yes I was really shocked because a minute ago I was thinking that there is no way they would take me as a teacher here, even if I do Eric’s teacher training… So I will begin in mid march and now I am practicing on mom at home! She is amazing me lately because she’s going to yoga classes, what, 4 times a week? Last week she did so! For a 59 year old lady I find this pretty amazing! Okay, she is not doing ashtanga but she is moving up from gentle to intermediate classes. Yesterday, I give her my first class and it was good because I do not really know how to describe some of the things in Turkish given that I learned yoga in English, so she is helping me out with the speaking since she attends both Turkish speaking and English speaking teachers classes…
Coming Saturday, Eric’s Ashtanga Foundation course will begin. He told me that I do not need to take it at first but then he said that it might be helpful for me since I will begin teaching… wish me good luck if anything…

Not Interested!

Don't try to post long comments on my Blog, Zee! You once wrote me you would not bother me again but I see you cannot resist. I am not interested in your long quotes, I am not interested in what you think! because you are annoying me and I find you unrespectful. You cannot, becasue I will not allow, invade my space. Get yourself a blog!

Back home

So I made it home back to Istanbul. I was excited to be back. The air feels fresher, and the streets are not hectic… It was time to get back. I considered staying in Pune longer with my sister but then I knew it was time for me to head back and I was correct. Yes, I should listen to my gut feeling more often.
I went to Yoga Sala on Thursday. Eric was having an open class. He was happy to see me. I told him about my journey, what I experienced in Mysore then in Pune, the swollen right ankle from being too dynamic, how I fell out of love with my practice and then got back to it… He is doing a workshop in March which I will participate to and then in April Manju Jois is coming! So much began happening here in Istanbul regarding yoga; I am very excited. Also, it seems like I am having better bonding with Eric and he is becoming my teacher.
With practice… coming up from backdrops is getting more and more comfortable. Today we had an ashtanga class and Eric made us do some of the second series. I enjoyed trying something unfamiliar. I began needing some challenge, so today fed me well.

What about practice?

I forgot to talk about practice while writing about all these other new experiences I am having. I actually had fallen out of love with practice for a while and then it began coming back again. I discovered that the yoga teacher here has begun teaching ashtanga so I started to participate in her morning classes after dynamic meditation. Okay, it was slower and gentler than what we are all used to but it suited well with me at the moment, I was really bored of practicing alone, was craving the group energy. But then she left, so no more yoga classes. However, this helped me to regain the habit of going to Buddha Grove after meditation and do my practice. The weather became warm again, no more frozen toes so it is perfect. Also, I love practicing while they are doing Gurdjief movements because I love the music they play, it is the piano playing this very simple tune, very lovely, reminding me of childhood… Another thing which came along with the yoga teacher quitting is people began coming to me and telling me that I should teach. Actually, just this morning a woman came and asked me what is it that I do in the mornings. Then she told me that it looks beautiful and asked me if I could teach her!

From Alchemy of Breath to Death Celebration

I have been very neglecting my blog… but not because of having nothing interesting to write… In the middle of the month, I did a breath group called “Alchemy of Breath”. It was quite unexpected, surprising, beautiful, painful…. With breath one goes from the physical body to emotional body and then all these informations, feelings, experiences we had in our lives come up. Some of them we do not remember but our body stores them all, amazing... Yes, there is definitely alchemy to breath… It was a five day group. We did all sorts of fun exercises before the breath sessions to prepare our body, to open our body to breath such as bio-energy exercises, dancing etc… I had so much energy during those 5 days. In spite of waking up at 5:30 am to go to dynamic meditation and then doing all these vigorous exercises and breath sessions and then Kundalini meditation, I would be dancing like mad during evening meetings. It was explosive energy! After the group I had a great sense of opening but of course it does not last as it is initially… but great to experience it.
Then ,last week we had Death Celebration! I had no clue what it was and my sister hold me from my hand and took me to the auditorium. There was live music and people were dancing, more people than I have seen in many meditations! Then I realized they were dancing in a circle and so I realized that the dead person was in the middle! I was shocked, frozen and my sister was holding my hand to make me feel that it is all right. After a while I began dancing as well. Then the body is taken outside, drums being played, people clapping, dancing, celebrating and we took the body by the river. The whole street was full of sanyasins in maroon robes. By the river the drums were mad playing and people were dancing. An old
Indian man came, wanting to pass by the crowd, he turned to me and said with a smile “ She is my wife” and then he went by the body. They covered the body with woods and light the fire. So we all danced to the burning of the body. It was a beautiful way of sending someone away… After the celebration, one has to take a shower and also wash all the close they were wearing during the burning, so we did accordingly. This morning there was another dead celebration as well for another old Indian lady who passed away last night. I only went to the dancing in the auditorium part because I had an appointment. These experiences all feel tranformative… I think I will extend my stay here, instead of leaving on February 10….

New Year in Pune...

So we entered the New Year in Pune. Actually, it was lovely. I was in the Osho resort, dancing in the New Year’s party all night long. I really enjoyed myself; I was very relaxed… Few days later, I and my sister went to Goa for five days. We stayed in Kandolim. It was all right but too mellow for us. Yes, the beach and the ocean can be very relaxing but also we are kind of spoiled by the beaches in Turkey so it was not as special for us as for other people… I guess if stayed in Arombole instead, it could be more fun, ohh well... The good thing was that we met my sister’s mentors there and they are lovely people. We had the privilege to spend quality time with them! Once they arrive to the Osho resort, there will not be such many opportunities since many people will be trying to hang out with them, so that was good… Also missing Pune, I mean not the pollution but the resort was good, I came back with a high spirit.
As for the practice, I could not practice while in Goa because our room was small, not really much space for practice and I did not enjoy practicing in the beach, facing dog shit etc. on the sand while at Chaturanga… but yesterday I began practice by the pool, here in the resort. I miss practicing so it feels good but I also miss practicing with other people… ohh well there is more time until that… On the other hand, I am thinking of doing a breath group called “Alchemy of breath”, it might be interesting…

All is going well

I am not writing much here becasue I don't have much time. It is good to have not much time to write when there is nothing "serious" that I am doing... without obligations I have not much time.
Painting is going well. This is not your regular painting class. WE all sorts of things, such as dancing, painting on each others paintings and sharing how it felt to have your painting to be ruined (or not)what blocks our creativity, more importantly what is creativity. sometimes it can be too much but it is good for me to explore these issues.
Funny ha! coming to India to practice yoga and ending up painting. But I guess this is the way universe is responding to my wish that I made last summer. I wished to have/create a job which I will enjoy and be creative with and which will allow me to have the life style that suits me (not banking). so now maybe I am building the foundations for that!