be present...

Ohh I am so anxious, so excited, so and so and so… about this summer. I cannot wait for the end of May, then I will be going for my teaching training and then to Afroz Osho center!! But what is wrong with me, why cannot I be in the present, why is this need for jumping forward, what is wrong with present day? I am in no good mood today and I know it is all in my head. I am constantly hungry, sleepy, and headachy. Manju Jois coming next week. It will be a tiring week, not that the practice will be any different for me, probably would be much better but it will be always in the evening. That is what puts me in this mood actually. I need my practice in the morning like I need my coffee in the morning. I know they are not perfectly similar but that is what it is. Today I am going to Eric’s led class which begins at 7:30 pm so this is the reason why I am not aligned… I keep nagging Eric about Mysore classes and he says he would like but Can would not (the owner of the shala) because of financial reasons. Maybe he just says this to shut me up because Eric is no early riser for a fact, so that might be another reason for lack of Mysore classes…
Today the new shala began operation, its name is YogaIst, (I call it the ghetto yoga shala) it is still part of yoga shala but also it is separate somehow… Well, more old school shala meaning square room, no shower, no receptionist, teacher handles everything. I teach on Sundays at 11 over there. It is located in Galata, which is nice old part of Istanbul…
This is it from me for today since I am no fun… still need to learn to be present and accept things as they are. Everything is as it should be in the universe, right?

Issues or practice?

This week, in addition to my own classes, I also taught Eric’s two basic ashtanga classes. I like teaching but it is also like practice, not the same every time. So, some days it goes really well, I feel like the class is in harmony, but some days it feels like something is off… On Tuesday morning, it was the first time I was teaching Eric’s class so I was a bit nervous even tough it is much easier to teach ashtanga since most people already know what asana comes next… I was nervous because people who came to that class met me for the first time and they were kind of “himmm, who is this?” Then, one of them thought I was a foreigner, and spoke to me in English until I replied to her in Turkish. Sometimes, I think that a lot of people here trust foreigners to be expertise in whatever they do more than our own nationals, which is kind of sad. This is the same in everything not just in yoga, which is just flowering in Turkey. My sister would come across the same problem in photography, someone would get all the jobs just because he was an American… but you know what, I really want to be a good teacher, and I will become one. no need to consider my nationality, especially since I do not give a damn about having one… I believe in being a world citizen! Where this all came from now? Sometimes I wander off a bit too much…
On Thursday evening, a guy who usually comes for the gentle class joined my class. He had such hard time during down dogs I felt really anxious. I kept saying “please go to child pose if you are getting too tired”… I donnu what else I could have suggested. I guess I have to learn not to feel so bad when someone is having hard time. It is a process, right? I used to have hard times with some of the asanas which are no problem for me now, and I have hard time with some others now i.e. Bakasana , which will eventually be no problem at one point…
Yesterday, I was telling mom that Sharon Gannon told us during the workshop that if one has problems with Vrksasana (tree pose) or Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana or any standing balance asanas, that indicates that they have unresolved issues with their parents. Of course, mom went on to say “ I don’t understand you (meaning me and my sister), you always have a problem with us, other people’s kids, bla bla bla…” I really cannot stand sentences with OTHER PEOPLE’S KIDS. It is just ridiculous and uckily, I never remember saying “other people’s parents…” But Sharon was talking to the whole class which consisted from 30 people not only me. Anyways, the curious thing for me is I have no problem with Utthita Hsstga Pdangusthasana anymore (yes, I used to have before) since I do it everyday but when I am asked to do another kind of standing balance then I have a problem… so what does this tell? Is it really issues with parents or just practicing the same asana regularly?

Happenings in Istanbul

So I have been away from writing for a while and it is time to share a bit… I began teaching and it is getting better. The first two classes, I was nervous… but then I began relaxing with the third and it began getting better. I even have regular students, so I enjoy it… By the way, I use my sanyas name which I have taken while in Osho ashram, it is Maya, well Deva Maya is my full sanyas name…
On the other hand, Eric had his ashtanga foundation course. We (me and some toher teacher’s from Yoga Sala ) all participated and it was fun and I think I became more aware of bandhas. There were also two of Eric’s friends from the US, Josh and Jeane, who came for the workshop. They were very nice people and I think Jeane will come back as a visiting teacher! Right after Eric’s course, David Life and Sharon Gannon came for a workhop at Cihangir Yoga .. It was really great to have them. This was my first time doing Jivamukti Yoga and I enjoyed it; though, I still like ashtanga practice better. What I enjoyed was the freedom to explore asanas that I have not reached yet and the preps that David and Sharon made us do before hand. I also liked their emphasis on the spiritual side of the practice; actually, probably that was the best thing I received from 4 days I spent with them. I guess one tends to forget why we do what we do with our bodies and I was very happy to be reminded of that. This used to be a big part of my practice in the beginning, while I was in London, but I somehow wandered away from it… I think it happened in Mysore (strangely enough!). So, I am grateful to David and Sharon for reminding me why initially I got into yoga so deeply! I have to mention the strangest moment for me during their workhop. Sharon came to me during Virabatrasana A , pulled my hands and told me that I loose the connection between my hands and my heart and that is why I keep saying things over and over but no one hears me, that I do not have my heart in what I say… She said Virabatrasana A helps with this. I wonder if that is the case, I mean with me, not with Virabatrasana A helping with it.
The other thing is I am planning to do a teacher training. It seems like I will do a training with Tias Little . I also considered Donna Farhi ; however, her training was already full. I got into their wait list but then Tias Little’s (my second choice) training had only 2-3 spaces left, so not to miss all my opportunities, I signed up for his training. Now, I got an email from Donna Farhi training, saying that they have an opening! What to do? I guess I will stick with Tias Little. If anyone have any suggestions…
Eric is gone to NY for ten days, so I will also take over two of his ashtanga basic classes while he is away. This is all for now.

some good news

Actually I am not that fierce usually. But I can be some of the times… and then, my trust to this space, sharing my feelings, experiences all that is somehow diminished but I will try to keep it up for a bit more (I do not know if it matters for anyone)...
Anyways… what about practice? It is going okey. Besides practicing by myself at home, I am going to Eric’s classes and I also tried out another class by another teacher which was not ashtanga… but I really fee like I need to move onto second series but Eric does led classes and it is usually primary series because most of the people are at that level… so how to move on, I d o not know. Can I do it by myself? Is that legit?
okey, here is the news, well big news. Eric asked me to teach! They are opening a new shala, which will be more old school, less luxurious (meaning no showers, towels…) but at the same time some of the teachers are leaving… so he needs more teachers… and when he mentioned the new shala, I blurted out jokingly if he needed a teacher and he said “yes, do you want to teach?” I was shocked and yes I was really shocked because a minute ago I was thinking that there is no way they would take me as a teacher here, even if I do Eric’s teacher training… So I will begin in mid march and now I am practicing on mom at home! She is amazing me lately because she’s going to yoga classes, what, 4 times a week? Last week she did so! For a 59 year old lady I find this pretty amazing! Okay, she is not doing ashtanga but she is moving up from gentle to intermediate classes. Yesterday, I give her my first class and it was good because I do not really know how to describe some of the things in Turkish given that I learned yoga in English, so she is helping me out with the speaking since she attends both Turkish speaking and English speaking teachers classes…
Coming Saturday, Eric’s Ashtanga Foundation course will begin. He told me that I do not need to take it at first but then he said that it might be helpful for me since I will begin teaching… wish me good luck if anything…

Not Interested!

Don't try to post long comments on my Blog, Zee! You once wrote me you would not bother me again but I see you cannot resist. I am not interested in your long quotes, I am not interested in what you think! because you are annoying me and I find you unrespectful. You cannot, becasue I will not allow, invade my space. Get yourself a blog!

Back home

So I made it home back to Istanbul. I was excited to be back. The air feels fresher, and the streets are not hectic… It was time to get back. I considered staying in Pune longer with my sister but then I knew it was time for me to head back and I was correct. Yes, I should listen to my gut feeling more often.
I went to Yoga Sala on Thursday. Eric was having an open class. He was happy to see me. I told him about my journey, what I experienced in Mysore then in Pune, the swollen right ankle from being too dynamic, how I fell out of love with my practice and then got back to it… He is doing a workshop in March which I will participate to and then in April Manju Jois is coming! So much began happening here in Istanbul regarding yoga; I am very excited. Also, it seems like I am having better bonding with Eric and he is becoming my teacher.
With practice… coming up from backdrops is getting more and more comfortable. Today we had an ashtanga class and Eric made us do some of the second series. I enjoyed trying something unfamiliar. I began needing some challenge, so today fed me well.

What about practice?

I forgot to talk about practice while writing about all these other new experiences I am having. I actually had fallen out of love with practice for a while and then it began coming back again. I discovered that the yoga teacher here has begun teaching ashtanga so I started to participate in her morning classes after dynamic meditation. Okay, it was slower and gentler than what we are all used to but it suited well with me at the moment, I was really bored of practicing alone, was craving the group energy. But then she left, so no more yoga classes. However, this helped me to regain the habit of going to Buddha Grove after meditation and do my practice. The weather became warm again, no more frozen toes so it is perfect. Also, I love practicing while they are doing Gurdjief movements because I love the music they play, it is the piano playing this very simple tune, very lovely, reminding me of childhood… Another thing which came along with the yoga teacher quitting is people began coming to me and telling me that I should teach. Actually, just this morning a woman came and asked me what is it that I do in the mornings. Then she told me that it looks beautiful and asked me if I could teach her!

From Alchemy of Breath to Death Celebration

I have been very neglecting my blog… but not because of having nothing interesting to write… In the middle of the month, I did a breath group called “Alchemy of Breath”. It was quite unexpected, surprising, beautiful, painful…. With breath one goes from the physical body to emotional body and then all these informations, feelings, experiences we had in our lives come up. Some of them we do not remember but our body stores them all, amazing... Yes, there is definitely alchemy to breath… It was a five day group. We did all sorts of fun exercises before the breath sessions to prepare our body, to open our body to breath such as bio-energy exercises, dancing etc… I had so much energy during those 5 days. In spite of waking up at 5:30 am to go to dynamic meditation and then doing all these vigorous exercises and breath sessions and then Kundalini meditation, I would be dancing like mad during evening meetings. It was explosive energy! After the group I had a great sense of opening but of course it does not last as it is initially… but great to experience it.
Then ,last week we had Death Celebration! I had no clue what it was and my sister hold me from my hand and took me to the auditorium. There was live music and people were dancing, more people than I have seen in many meditations! Then I realized they were dancing in a circle and so I realized that the dead person was in the middle! I was shocked, frozen and my sister was holding my hand to make me feel that it is all right. After a while I began dancing as well. Then the body is taken outside, drums being played, people clapping, dancing, celebrating and we took the body by the river. The whole street was full of sanyasins in maroon robes. By the river the drums were mad playing and people were dancing. An old
Indian man came, wanting to pass by the crowd, he turned to me and said with a smile “ She is my wife” and then he went by the body. They covered the body with woods and light the fire. So we all danced to the burning of the body. It was a beautiful way of sending someone away… After the celebration, one has to take a shower and also wash all the close they were wearing during the burning, so we did accordingly. This morning there was another dead celebration as well for another old Indian lady who passed away last night. I only went to the dancing in the auditorium part because I had an appointment. These experiences all feel tranformative… I think I will extend my stay here, instead of leaving on February 10….

New Year in Pune...

So we entered the New Year in Pune. Actually, it was lovely. I was in the Osho resort, dancing in the New Year’s party all night long. I really enjoyed myself; I was very relaxed… Few days later, I and my sister went to Goa for five days. We stayed in Kandolim. It was all right but too mellow for us. Yes, the beach and the ocean can be very relaxing but also we are kind of spoiled by the beaches in Turkey so it was not as special for us as for other people… I guess if stayed in Arombole instead, it could be more fun, ohh well... The good thing was that we met my sister’s mentors there and they are lovely people. We had the privilege to spend quality time with them! Once they arrive to the Osho resort, there will not be such many opportunities since many people will be trying to hang out with them, so that was good… Also missing Pune, I mean not the pollution but the resort was good, I came back with a high spirit.
As for the practice, I could not practice while in Goa because our room was small, not really much space for practice and I did not enjoy practicing in the beach, facing dog shit etc. on the sand while at Chaturanga… but yesterday I began practice by the pool, here in the resort. I miss practicing so it feels good but I also miss practicing with other people… ohh well there is more time until that… On the other hand, I am thinking of doing a breath group called “Alchemy of breath”, it might be interesting…

All is going well

I am not writing much here becasue I don't have much time. It is good to have not much time to write when there is nothing "serious" that I am doing... without obligations I have not much time.
Painting is going well. This is not your regular painting class. WE all sorts of things, such as dancing, painting on each others paintings and sharing how it felt to have your painting to be ruined (or not)what blocks our creativity, more importantly what is creativity. sometimes it can be too much but it is good for me to explore these issues.
Funny ha! coming to India to practice yoga and ending up painting. But I guess this is the way universe is responding to my wish that I made last summer. I wished to have/create a job which I will enjoy and be creative with and which will allow me to have the life style that suits me (not banking). so now maybe I am building the foundations for that!

to make things clear

I do not think that there is anything wrong with Mysore. I met lovely local people there, Anu and her husband Ganesh, Tina, Gita and Lokesh! I appreciated their service for us, the great food, tailoring and big hearts and all.. I also met with very nice yoga students with whom I will probably keep in touch. When it comes to me having difficulties. I am aware that those were because of the conditioning's I had with myself, because of my attitudes! I do not blame Mysore or anyone... I do not pity myself, I do not feel sorry for myself. I am who I am but I am trying to change the way I perceive life, how I take it. I am not running away from difficulties. I have been through lots of difficulties in fact "the Anonymous" writer. I did not leave Mysore because of difficulties. Actually in my last week I was beginning to feel pretty much at home and feeling bad that I had to leave. but I left because they close the shala on 18th and I wanted to be with my sister in Pune and I really need to began meditating! I believe that it is time for me to relax! I pushed myself too much in the past, enduring situations which did not work very well for me and now I want to enjoy life, I do not want to take it so seriously. ohh if I do not pass this test of Mysore I am doomed ha! no I have been there, I enjoyed some of it and did not enjoy some of it and I am perfectly allowed to explore different things. I could stay there but I choose to not and I made a good decision. I am not running away from anything... I have already been there for 5 weeks and I am grateful for having that opportunity. so the Anonymous commenter, please do not harass me. this blog is my space where I open my heart but not to be stabbed.

Pune!

I have been in Pune for almost 6 days. The Osho meditation resort is like a paradise and sorry to disappoint but no orgies or pushy men... Lots of meditation most of them including dancing! I find it very enjoyable, dancing three times a day, what more you can ask for. It is much more expensive than rest of India but not unreasonable when you consider what you get. Food is good, mixture of healthy steamed veggies, and other Indian and western food. I am happy here. I do not have to think umm what to do rest of the day. In fact I have no time to come home except to sleep. I usually do three meditations during the day. I also did a two day painting course which was amazing. I might do another one which will be 10 day long... Practice has not been neglected but I might consider a bit since it became so rigid. Maybe I need to give some space to that and do other things which will be also very beneficial for me. I practiced at 3:30 am during the two day course since I had to attend to dynamic meditation at 6 am. The course began at 9:45 in the morning until 4 pm. After dynamic meditation not enough time to practice and go to breakfast before it closes at 9am and then after the course I have to attend to Kundalini meditation which is at 4:15pm and then at 6:40 pm the evening meeting... so I woke up at 3:30 am to practice... but I do not thing I should do that if I do the 10 day course. I might just reduce my practice to 1 hour and do it before I have my breakfast...
need to flexible ha! yes, I need to learn that!
Do I miss Mysore? I miss the practice in the shala for sure but not much else!

Last few days...

Tuesday I and my three other massage course drop out friends went to the Tibetan colony and visited the Golden temple. It was a long drive, about two and half hours and the road was a bit too bumpy, lots of joint release (something we learned from the massage course) but it was worth. The temple is beautiful but it is also kind of sad, the situation of Tibetan people… We took some pictures while also feeling a bit invasive. Yesterday I did some shopping and then had lunch with few people at Patricia’s. Patricia cooks Western food which can be heavenly after spending a month here. I did not realize how much I would get home sick by having a nice dessert with espresso!
When it comes to practice, it is okay. Tuesday I kept falling on my butt when trying to come up from my backdrops. I was a bit excited too with Swarsvati waiting for me. But yesterday was better; I managed to come up four times out of six trials. Today, Swarsvati came and then with the first one I fall on my butt again and she said “I will go, you do it”, so she figured what kind of nervous one I am… After she left, I managed to come up about four times again. However, today when I was at Tina’s for breakfast, this lady was telling how she lost her ability to come up from her backdrops in her last visit here. I thought ‘this is not good for you to hear Ahu’. Yeah it is all in my head, anyways, no going back, sorry Ahu, you waited too long to loose it.
Today I had a great conversation with Lokesh, the tailor, while having my coffee at Stand up café. He is very nice, we talked about how Indian people different than Westerners, etc… Then, I had lunch at Stand up Café at last. I have been wanting to that for a while but did not have the courage. Well, I did not know how to order, what to order… But I asked Lokesh in the morning and he gave me some tips, therefore, I handled it well and managed to have some idlys before leaving!
Tomorrow is my last practice at the shala. Then I am going to Green Hotel for my last night in Mysore. I wanted to have a pleasant stay in my last night, so I am giving myself this treat.

Yesterday, with my two other massage course drop out friends, we went to Lalitha Mahal Palace hotel for the pool. The hotel had a beautiful, quiet garden and the pool was very nice as well. We spent most of the day in there and got sun burned! It was nice to be away from Gokulam for few hours. It felt like a mini vacation.
But the real news is the fact that I did it at last! This morning I came up from my backdrops! There had to be a reason for me to stay one more week in Mysore, right? And this was the reason I guess because I don’t think it will be this soon for me to come up while I would be practicing by myself. It is the shala energy which gave me more confidence and also the tips that I have gotten from various friends here. I think the thing what arises with coming up is more of an opening of the heart. I have been feeling more open but also more exposed in a way that can be frightening… Anyways, I feel glad. In fact, I was so glad that I was almost going to hug Swarsvati. She is relieved I think because she had been giving me looks of “you again? Come up already!” So, she smiled at me and after doing back&forths and one deep backdrop, she said "tomorrow you hold your ankles."
Today I will join my land lady for lunch. She has been cooking since 4:30 am for her special puja lunch. That should be some kind of an experience for me…

Neglected Blog...

Yes, I have neglected my blog for a while. This is because I have been doing the massage course. One week of it is already finished and today is our off day. Tomorrow begins the second week. It has been quite an eventful one. We began as a group of thirteen people and now only seven of us left! Anyways, I guess I can say I am learning something. I can do two sessions now; one on the back, one on the front. What is surpirising for me is that I really enjoy giving massages. I thought I would like receiving massages more but I like both receiving and giving massages and actually, sometimes giving more…
Other than that, practice has been good. I get really tired with the massage course but still, practice is the best time of the day when I feel non of the tiredness. And gladly, I see difference in my practice for the better. I was not really expecting that in only a month but yes there are improvements. I began to half bend during head stands and then, I began to lift myself properly during in between navasanas. Lastly, this morning I realized that I might have a better lift and drag to vinyasas than before; still, not properly in any way but much better than earlier. Before it was so bad that I was not bothering and I was just putting my hands in front and jumping back… now I might begin practicing the lift and drag…
So, I dedicated my off day to shopping since it would be my last chance to do that before I leave next Saturday for Pune. The course will finish on Friday and then I am leaving next day with an evening flight. Today, with one of my friends from the massage course, I went to Rashinkars and actually orders a skirt to be made and then we went to another shop to look for shawls. I got one for mom and one for my aunt’s mom and my friend got four shawls for herself and as gifts. We were also going to look at the sandalwood shop but they were closed for lunch. I might go there when I go Wednesday to pick up my skirt. I actually had no intention to get anything done since I am leaving so soon but I saw this beautiful color cotton fabric, which is kind of pink but more like dried rose color… By the way, Lokesh made me the shirt I ordered at last and it turned out pretty nice so I ordered another one in another color but the maroon fisherman pants are still not done because he did not have the fabric… I hope he will get them done soon!
What else? I will go and see Guruji in half an hour. My one month is up tomorrow and I learned that I can pay him for a week! This is great! I did not know that I could pay him only for a week, so I was bumped thinking that I will be here in Mysore, and will be doing home practice!

Morning cap

This morning practice was good. I woke up with the determination that the practice was going to be good beside a sore throat. However, I forgot to do Baddha Konasana and realized that after Supta-Parsvasahita . I had to do it though, so I squeezed it between Supta-Parsvasahita and UbhayaPadangusthasana . I don’t know how lawful it is to do that but I did it anyways… just off the sequence… At the end, Guruji came to help me with the backdrops. At first, he kept telling me to come up but then he realized that I was not able to come up, and therefore, he helped me to come up. He has such a positive input whether he is standing beside you while you are practicing or helping you with an asana or just chuckling by the door when he sees Anna’s daughter… I enjoy his presence very much!
Today I have a sore, bitter throat and I am not sure if it is because I am getting cold or it is because of the pollution of burning garbage all over town.
One question: For whom Mysore is for? Is it really for anyone to criticize other people’s experience here? Is someone is shallow or avoiding their problems if they are having great time here and in the same way, is it such distasteful if someone is having hard time and is recognizing that? Can anyone decide that Mysore is not for some people? I don’t even thing that one can even answer for themselves until they go back and digest their experience…

A new week in Mysore...

Yesterday practice was good after couple of days of sluggish practice. I even feel like my backdrops are getting stronger and possibility to come up from them is getting a bit closer… However, today I was struggling with my new yoga rug… I never used one before and when I got here I got myself a rug. Charlie suggested that Mysore has the best yoga rugs when we bumped into him in the Yoga Show just before I left London. So, I bought a nice one in my first week of my journey, but the first time I tried to use it, I was sliding from it during downward dogs… I thought maybe if I wash it will not be slippery anymore. I washed it but this morning I was still sliding from it. To tell the truth, I am not fan of having lots of nick knacks while I am practicing but sometimes I feel like it might help to have a rug especially since my back sticks out so much and I get bruises from Gaba-Pindasana and also sometimes I sweat too much and I begin to slip from my rubber mat (but now I could not manage to not slip from cotton rug even without tons of sweat…)
Anyways, other than mat issues and practice, things are fine. Yesterday I took a walk to Café world but apparently Café World of Mysore do not follow yoga students’ time schedule. They were still closed when it was pass 9 am. I learned that they open at 10 am. So, I had to walk around until then. I went to Loyal World, got some nuts and walked back. When I was back there were two more yoga students waiting for the coffee, and then one more showed up. I asked for an americano but when I wanted a bit of milk in it, this turned out to be a problem. The girl who was serving the coffee was absolutely against of giving me milk to put into the black coffee. She was saying that it is cappuccino, this is black coffee, cannot be with milk. I was telling her that I will pay for the extra milk but no, she was very upset with me but then one of the other students came to my help and he said “can you give milk on the side?”, she again said something about cappuccino, he said “okay” and then she consented somehow. I thing she was saying that she will punch it as a cappuccino, meaning she will charge me for a cappuccino because of the extra milk. But, at the end, when I was paying the bill, they only charged me for an americano… I don’t know if I will ever go back there again. I somehow enjoy the male dominated stand up café where I can get that coffee mixed with chicory, over which they pour hot milk. I can also go to Shakti house for breakfast and have their French pressed good coffee anytime I am craving coffee…
I also visited Lokesh, the tailor, again. I wanted to see if he could do anything to the top of my dress which he made for me but not possible, it is done. Then I ordered a blouse, which I have seen on another yoga student but different color of it, and a maroon Thai fisherman pants for Pune, so I can practice in them while I am in the ashram. I thing Lokesh is a very nice man. Every time, I ask him "a bit of discount?" and he never turns me down! He gives me bits of discounts like 20 rupees, 25 rupees… I guess he will remember me as the bargain girl. Well, I cannot help it, I like to ask to see if anything happens, but I am not persistent…
One last thing: Kumar began Kundalini meditations this week. So, it will run from Monday to Wednesday. I like it so far...

Daily life and some more in Mysore

Yesterday we took a cooking class from Tina. I am sure all read CJ so I do not need to elaborate on it. But few words about Tina: she is very informative, she knows her cooking, she is a very good teacher (authoritative as well!) and her English is extremely good, better than mine. The food was great; we got to eat it at the end. I ate so much I could not eat anything after that late lunch (she makes us starve before tasting the food so we will like it :)) At night, there was Kirtan at the Shakti House. It was my first Kirtan experience and I really enjoyed it. It was for a charity helping poor people in India.
Today, me , Violetta and CJ went to Southern Star for breakfast. Krista was suppose to come as well but she had to attend a post funeral ceremony. I don’t think I will go to Southern Star for breakfast again. It is expensive food which you can food anywhere in Mysore for much cheaper and the atmosphere was not so appealing for me. Yes, it is a fancy hotel and they seem to have a beautiful garden but the breakfast is indoors. I would rather be outdoors than to be in air-conditioned place. Anyways, after that we ventured into the city for some shopping. I got Iyengar’s book “Light on Life”. It is suppose to be very good. Currently, I am reading one of Osho’s book on Yoga which I enjoy…
Then we returned to Gokulam after a weird record shopping experience which we got into because of CJ! After coming to Gokulam, I stopped by Suddha’s to buy myself one of those fancy bags she makes. There I bumped into Matthew and had a great conversation with him. I was telling him how I began loosing all my opinions, even enthusiasm about yoga since I have been to Mysore. And he told me something which sounds very correct: “The real practice begins when you don’t want to practice”. I could tell million of things about yoga before coming to Mysore, how good it is, how much I enjoy and why I enjoy yoga, and how it contributes to my life, etc… Now I feel like I cannot say a thing. But I believe this is not bad at all, I need all my perceptions to be shattered before I build truer ones.

Mysore mess dissolving!

Things are getting better. I sorted out some of the mess, so I feel more relaxed. My land lady is a bit of pushy though, which can be annoying but I have to learn how to deal with those sorts of things. She keeps pressuring me about taking cooking classes from her or making my friends take cooking classes from her, asking for their cell numbers etc… She also questioned me about where I had breakfast yesterday morning… I do not understand it really, I support her by staying there and paying rent but I also want to support other people here who are offering their services and I also want to have the opportunity socialize and meet with new people by going out. I have to learn to have things my way without getting frustrated and overreacting and when it is necessary I have to make myself clear enough. This trip had been mostly about anything but practice so far, but I guess it showed that there is so much yoga in life that I need work on.
This morning was led primary. I am feeling a bit heavy these days, I guess getting close to that period of month, so I had my first sluggish practice in the shala.
My latest plans are taking the core integration ayurvedic and yoga massage course which will run for 14 days (given by Kumar and Rassal) and then leave Mysore on the 2nd of December for Pune. I will see how it will go in Pune. My sister will join me there so I might feel better…
Yesterday CJ was suggesting that I might want to change my blog name to Mysore mess! It is actually not a bad idea :) it would make me laugh at myself every time I write my blog! But overall I have been lucky to meet with some great people here...
Hey I will get a massage from Kumar this Sunday, thanks to Carry!!!

Not so fabulous

So I am not having fabulous time in Mysore. I apologize from all those who would so much would like to be here… It seems like my three month stay will not be even two months but only one month. My one month will end around 26th of November. On the other hand, I want to take the massage workshop Kumar will be giving together with Rassal, but that begins on the 17th of this month and ends on the 1st of December. This means that I will have 6 days in Mysore where I will not be going to the shala, since I will not pay for a whole new month for 6 more days. I am not sure if this will be easy, if I will manage self practice here while knowing that the shala is boiling with breaths of many, alive and so powerful…
Well, no decisions yet, I will wait and see how I feel in a week. Then I will decide whether not to take the workshop and leave as soon as my month is up or take the workshop and stay longer and do self practices before the workshop.
I am not embarrassed or anything about having such difficulty adjusting because I have heard of many who had such problems on their first trip… You live and learn, and I think I will leave Mysore with some kind of knowledge. After leaving Mysore I will go to Pune as my sister insists. She loves it there and I usually love what she loves, I mean I have faith in her. Yeah, well she warned me about Mysore but then I did not listen… Anyway, it is my time to explore and every exploration does not have to be fabulous…