Thursday, August 31, 2006

Suppose to pull not push

I am overwhelmed with this dissertation at the moment. My shoulders incredibly achy and my eyes are tired and I get a headache every night… Yes, I am complaining, I want it to be over already!
Practice is good at least. So, yesterday with the backdrop, C had to push me because still I am my scared self and I was just hanging there bend backwards, in the air. She end up giving me a little push, so I would actually drop back and then when I got up she said in a amused way “I am suppose to pull not push people from backdrops” Yes, things tend to work other way around with me. And today it was even funnier. With the first one, which usually tends to be more difficult than following ones, she was pushing I was fighting back to come up! I don’t know how I am doing it, I guess it means soon I will achieve to come up as well. So then she gave me a harder push and I landed on my forehead, but not so hard, my hands were there as well. But the last one was my own, no holding or pushing. Well, my legs were shaking at the end of all this. I am scared and I am also scared that I will not be able to pass beyond this fear. I guess it is also about letting go. At the end of that last bit I cannot let go, I am so close, all I have to do is let go and I will be on my hands…
Anyways, I kind of promised myself to do more work on dissertation (at this point it feels like I am talking about a creature…) Even though my eyes are already itching, for the sake of keeping my promise…

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