I am starting to get discouraged about this whole trying to teach here, in this city, at CY. Maybe I am not suppose to say this so openly but this is how I feel in this very moment. I feel like I don’t fit in… there are too many opinions against ashtanga and I donnu what to say about it all…
Yesterday, I was feeling quiet down anyways… I felt that I am missing India a lot, and I began thinking to go back before October. To be honest, my goal is not being a popular yoga teacher or something. I am only looking for yoga and the teaching is by product of it… otherwise, it is presumptuous maybe. I do not like attitudes of I know it all anyways… I am a student in the very first place… and I love what I do, I love what I am studying and then I try to share it with all the love I have. But it seems like maybe it is not working… maybe love is not the way to approach yoga here…
Well, self doubt is knocking on the door just like my astrology prediction described… maybe I have to keep going, not give up so quickly, just believe in what I do, just watch it all and not get involved so emotionally…
let me be strong universe! then maybe I get B.B. as well...
3 comments:
Hi Maya,
I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing a lot of self doubt right now, but I'm sure it will pass and as you know it is part of the natural fluctuations in life...Whatever you decide about teaching, I think it is very clear minded of you to be true to you're loyalties as a student and to only teach if it feels right in the moment.
Anyway, its good to learn about you through your blog. I hope you are well and I'm happy to hear that you plan to return to India soon. I'm still at school, but in a year or so I hope to return to India as well.
Sending you lots of love and light...
Eva
When a pharaoh was born a pyramid would begin to be constructed for him. It would take years and years to build.
I now think of what would make a great teacher... Are great teachers made over night ? Or do they pass through many hardships and toil for years... ?
I quoted a famous British saying "A calm sea never made a great captain".. Surely there would be times of challenge. All great ideas or new concepts has to be challenged. That is what makes them great.. So remember this always "Practice all is coming."
Namaste
There is so much crap in the Ashtanga world. Just practice and let the rest go. You will know if you want to teach or not. But the Ashtanga BS will never go away unfortunately. Still, in time, you will be able to let it roll on down the road...Good luck!
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