So, I practice with Peter and his group of students for a week. Nice group of people, very peaceful energy, and Peter’s presence as a teacher is also very good. It was good for me to begin practicing with others again. I see that I get nervous practicing with others after such long time of alone practice; I realize this mostly during standing postures, it takes me much longer to get grounded… specially utthita hasta padangusthasana becomes difficult.. The mind, wandering mind gets you out of balance ☺ Over all, it was very motivating as usual to practice with other students. Being in my friend’s class was very nice as well. I also feel good if any of my students decides to continue Mysore classes with Peter because I know that he will be a good teacher to them. I actually feel lucky for his presence, dedicated students will find their way to him and he is a good friend, what more I can ask for? Maybe this is not very sound in business perspective but I guess I will never make sense in business terms in yoga... what to do...
What else…. Himmm a week is left for me to take off to Boulder. But more than excitement, I have a bit of anxiety…. a bit of resentment… which I do not want to carry around. I will see what I do… I met with my beloved body this noon, it was really good to be with her, talk to her…
Friday, October 16, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
nice surprises...
So, the last class was very nice. There were people who were not showing up for a while also. At the end of the class, some of my students gave me gifts! A group of them made a very cute Ashtangi genie post card and attached a nice silver needle on it; another one gave me silver earrings; and another brought me a book by Walt Whitman, “Laws of Creations”. I was not expecting this much… Actually I was not even expecting more then few people showing up for the class, so this was a nice surprise. Afterwards, I had coffee with few of them and chatted for a while. That was also lovely.
The rest of Sunday was pretty much about organizing stuff in my apartment: Storing the clothes I will be leaving and at the same time, already trying to figure out what to bring with me to such journey. All the places I am going requires different type of clothing; Colorado will be cold, next is Goa which is not real India, mostly beach clothing, then Mysore, it is hot but a real Indian city, therefore requires more conservative clothing, then who knows what is next ☺. So, I was going round and round in my apartment…
Then, in the evening, when I was checking my emails I saw that I got another nice surprise. P. emailed to congratulate for earning a vacation/travel time and to invite me to practice in his Mysore class this week. This is such a nice, thoughtful gift. I was so happy, so of course, this morning I already showed up! And it was great! I had a good, warm practice, sweated much more than I usually do alone. P.’s presence was very nice as a teacher and all the students were focused on their practice. Very nice group. I enjoyed practicing with them very much. Practicing with other people is always much better for me. Also, I realized that I was in the same room where I began yoga and then Ashtanga yoga after a long while….
Today I also had to go to my dentist. What happened in Mysore last year happened again but luckily, this time it happened not right after I left but right before I left. The crown of one of my root canals broke. My dentist made the diagnosis that I should be squeezing my chaw for this to be happening all the time. Therefore, he is also making me a thing to wear at nights on my teeth to prevent me squeezing the chaw : S
The rest of Sunday was pretty much about organizing stuff in my apartment: Storing the clothes I will be leaving and at the same time, already trying to figure out what to bring with me to such journey. All the places I am going requires different type of clothing; Colorado will be cold, next is Goa which is not real India, mostly beach clothing, then Mysore, it is hot but a real Indian city, therefore requires more conservative clothing, then who knows what is next ☺. So, I was going round and round in my apartment…
Then, in the evening, when I was checking my emails I saw that I got another nice surprise. P. emailed to congratulate for earning a vacation/travel time and to invite me to practice in his Mysore class this week. This is such a nice, thoughtful gift. I was so happy, so of course, this morning I already showed up! And it was great! I had a good, warm practice, sweated much more than I usually do alone. P.’s presence was very nice as a teacher and all the students were focused on their practice. Very nice group. I enjoyed practicing with them very much. Practicing with other people is always much better for me. Also, I realized that I was in the same room where I began yoga and then Ashtanga yoga after a long while….
Today I also had to go to my dentist. What happened in Mysore last year happened again but luckily, this time it happened not right after I left but right before I left. The crown of one of my root canals broke. My dentist made the diagnosis that I should be squeezing my chaw for this to be happening all the time. Therefore, he is also making me a thing to wear at nights on my teeth to prevent me squeezing the chaw : S
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Last class of the year...
Last night two of my high school friends came for dinner. It was really nice to have the girls. I don’t why I don’t get together with them more often, it really felt home. Of course we know each other from very young and we were boarding students together, so we have this bond which is very deep. We had nice chat, some food I have prepared and two of us had a bottle of white. As most of the time, while drinking, it is good, tasty etc. but the next morning, I feel so dehydrated and bloated and hungry every half hour (!?) Thank God I don’t drink as I used to anymore! Now, it is only maybe a glass every other week and more than one glass like last night is pretty rare…
Of course, I woke up at 6AM this morning, even though I was in bed after 12AM. The alcohol does not let me sleep much… so what I did at 6AM on this Saturday morning was reading children’s version of Ramayana ☺. I just finished reading Ka finally. It was a very good book but not an easy read… so it took me a while. There are so many books to read… now I am reading one of the versions of the Bhagavad Gita Richard listed in the reading list. They will be giving us another version during the training…
What else… ? Tomorrow is my last class of the year. I hope it will be a nice one like one of those Sundays where the energy in the room is really harmonies and fluid. I hope I was some help to the students who came to the classes. I tried to share whatever I know… I am aware that I am at the very beginning of all… I tired to be open and giving and also I tried to learn from them as much as they were learning from me… I am not sure what will happen when I come back. I have a feeling things will go differently… where to teach and all… Here is not much space/acceptance for Ashtanga. Things are becoming more and more concentrated in Anusara at the studio. So be it; I have no problem with this, I just don’t have any training or interest in that style. I just might need to find a place for myself to teach and that might be the best thing that ever happened! Well, there is so much till then, so much will happen within me and out there, I will change with all the things ahead me and who knows where I will end up, how I will end up... no need to spend much energy on all this. I just want to get things done that I need to get done before I leave...
I also met with K. the Rolfer in the afternoon. We went on talking about alllllll sorts of things since I had much to tell and he always has much to say… It was nice, and hopefully I will see him before I leave or I will see him in Goa.
Of course, I woke up at 6AM this morning, even though I was in bed after 12AM. The alcohol does not let me sleep much… so what I did at 6AM on this Saturday morning was reading children’s version of Ramayana ☺. I just finished reading Ka finally. It was a very good book but not an easy read… so it took me a while. There are so many books to read… now I am reading one of the versions of the Bhagavad Gita Richard listed in the reading list. They will be giving us another version during the training…
What else… ? Tomorrow is my last class of the year. I hope it will be a nice one like one of those Sundays where the energy in the room is really harmonies and fluid. I hope I was some help to the students who came to the classes. I tried to share whatever I know… I am aware that I am at the very beginning of all… I tired to be open and giving and also I tried to learn from them as much as they were learning from me… I am not sure what will happen when I come back. I have a feeling things will go differently… where to teach and all… Here is not much space/acceptance for Ashtanga. Things are becoming more and more concentrated in Anusara at the studio. So be it; I have no problem with this, I just don’t have any training or interest in that style. I just might need to find a place for myself to teach and that might be the best thing that ever happened! Well, there is so much till then, so much will happen within me and out there, I will change with all the things ahead me and who knows where I will end up, how I will end up... no need to spend much energy on all this. I just want to get things done that I need to get done before I leave...
I also met with K. the Rolfer in the afternoon. We went on talking about alllllll sorts of things since I had much to tell and he always has much to say… It was nice, and hopefully I will see him before I leave or I will see him in Goa.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
moment
Last night I woke up just before 12AM with the feeling of as if I have slept the whole night… it was not convenient… I tried to go back to sleep but it took a while and of course, in the morning, it took me a while to get up. I passed out for extra half an hour before I realized this and had an “OMG I should get up and practice” moment… One thing that kept me up and kept me dwelling on was this experience I had yesterday during meditating. In the middle of my meditation (I guess) I got to the point where I was just in the moment, feeling very neutral and total, just really being in the moment, witnessing… I have experienced this before in previous times, but I tend to crowd it with thoughts rapidly. This time, I let the thoughts pass by from over my head, not letting them touch… and then I realized the fear. It was such a moment that there was no time, just the moment and I could stay there forever and not knowing how long I was there, eternity... and then of course, I would disappear ( I guess?)… Consequently, there was the fear of disappearing because of course I wanted to go to Boulder for the TT and then to India and on and on; I did not want to vanish. I don’t know if I make any sense… but next time, if I can get to this state again, I hope to relax in it even more… maybe this experience I had was the reason why I was up so early feeling like if I have slept the whole night, maybe it provided me a good rest…
About the practice? After Richard, the practice feels different, more fluid and also strong… Even 2 days with him made a difference in my practice and teaching, I cannot imagine what will happen in four weeks with him!!! Tomorrow and Sunday are my last classes to teach for this year… Then I will be getting ready; I will be getting my house together for the person who is renting it, I will be applying for Indian Visa, which I need before I go to the States… and I will be spending time with some friends and my family… I had breakfast with my POL body this morning, we are so similar no wonder we were bodies! I love her!
About the practice? After Richard, the practice feels different, more fluid and also strong… Even 2 days with him made a difference in my practice and teaching, I cannot imagine what will happen in four weeks with him!!! Tomorrow and Sunday are my last classes to teach for this year… Then I will be getting ready; I will be getting my house together for the person who is renting it, I will be applying for Indian Visa, which I need before I go to the States… and I will be spending time with some friends and my family… I had breakfast with my POL body this morning, we are so similar no wonder we were bodies! I love her!
Saturday, October 03, 2009
R. Freeman!
At the end, I decided to attend Richard Freeman’s workshop which is happening since this Friday evening. I am very happy that I have this opportunity of meeting him and studying him before I arrive to Boulder. And what was I thinking when I said I will not go to this workshop? I am so weird sometimes… I am in despair here about not having a teacher and then the teacher whose TT I will do in a month comes here and I hesitate about going to the workshop? It just does not make sense! Last night, after the first session I was so high with excitement, with inspiration… Richard is great; he is so humorous and full of information. I was expecting him to be teaching Ashtanga with an Iyengar approach but this is not the case… He is very different… yes, there is alignment of course but the emphasizes on the internals of the practice, drishti, bandhas, ujjai breath, as the key… the central axis, the nectar, and releasing the palate with an ‘Aaaa”… ohh I am so excited… there is so much to learn from him! This workshop has been great for me for getting familiar with his teaching and also as I have told a friend, I realize that every opportunity of studying with him is a blessing!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
At last...
Ohh yeah I did it at last, went through a Chriz Chavez treatment this morning. The funny thing is that I didn’t have to think much. By this I mean the following: I was out last night until after 1AM (with my POL friends )which is something I rarely do and then I woke up at 10 past 10 AM which is something I rarely do and then I just threw myself out of the bed and out of the door to go to Chris Chavez’s Anusara Yoga class which is something I never do…! Well, I just had to experience this to get rid of the curiosity of C.C. about whom so many people has been talking about… Yeah, from the beginning till the end of the class what I feared happened, there was here and there “Maya this Maya that, Maya do this Maya do that" kept coming out of him. First, it was “ Maya, see that tattoo on your left shoulder how bright it is? I want your lips to be as bright as your tattoo, smile!!!!” then again, smile!… then spread the feet hip distance in uttanasana, tadasana (well I got that after two times). Then the first demonstration and who he picks is “MAYA! Come to down dog and throw your hips like a ball over your shoulders”!!! yeah exactly what I have been struggling over for year and a half! How does he picks on that is something to appreciate! And he made me do that for 5-6-7 times as Marci was doing during my last month in Goa. And then coming to hand stand… it was fine and then we worked with partners. Before the class began, I placed myself in a safe spot, next to Yigit who is one of the new graduates of the teacher training; I know him and like him, so it was good to be partners with him. As I practiced with Y jumping up with two legs, I realized that I am going forward enough to coming to handstands, whereas I always thought that I was way far away… At one point, Chris made us also do opening the legs and rotating them around and then lifting left hand first and then the right hand. Then, we went on with other stuff until coming to back bends…! With back bends a different approach with arms, he wants students to open the hands almost as wide as the mat. I go for hands as wide as my shoulders which is the way Marci teaches us. Then again he made me come up and then wanted me to drop back with open arms which I did… he thinks this way is more opening the heart but I do with arms up then reaching up and backwards and I think with arms floating on the sides would be a bit too much for a beginner and they can lend on top of their heads instead of their hands… then he again made me come up with floating arms on the side... that was alright for me. But he was not satisfied he said “she is already too open it was not as dramatic so I will show on someone else...” Therefore, with two other people he demonstrated, and one was this big basketball player and that did not look so great to me, he wants people to come to the toes, lifting the heels to come up which is exact opposite of what Marci wants you to do. She gets so mad when you lift the heels; as a result, I had to learn not throwing myself up and lifting the heels for which now I am grateful to Marci because much more stable way of coming up and stronger legs…
I can say he really makes people high, he knows good anatomy, he knows what he teaches very well, he is a good person… On the other hand, for me, his class was too much exposure and I am just out of ‘Path of Love’ for God’s sake… and then too much talking, pointing people out, too much yeah you can do it… and with the smiling thing… sorry but a bit giirrrr…. He went on most of the time with stuff like Maya is this and that, and I have been feeling just the opposite actually, very weak for the last week and he sees through this and so, he points out what you are struggling with right away but in an opposite light… However, I was uncomfortable with all the cheering because I know my ego would love, would totally love it but what I long for is not satisfying my ego but being me, just pure me with no illusions around it (ha! Wow! My sannyas name had to mean something; for the first time , now I see that this is perhaps why I became to be renamed as Maya...! I guess I should be thankful to Chris for showing me this)
Yet, I am happy that I went to his class, so now I know what it is like. And once in every six months or even once a year of Chriz Chaves seems enough for me ☺. I really love silent practice and this is not because I am super serious but because I need to internalize to get grounded. The main reason I practice is to be grounded to this world. And the most important point for me is being able to do something not when Chris is cheering and helping me but when I am alone, by myself, with my self-knowledge knowing that I can do it or discovering that I can do it and doing it. OF course I am not undermining his help, he shows people that their capacity is beyond what they believe it to be and that is really helpful… but for me, the bottom line is I gotta do it myself. And perhaps that is my weakest and strongest side; don’t like to ask for help, can’t ask for help and also trying to learn standing firm on my own feet…
P.S. I watched an interview with B.K.S Iyengar on Youtube yesterday. At the end, the interviewer asked if his ego was being pumped by being Mr. Iyengar, the person who had the biggest role in having yoga spread to the West, receiving so much recognition, respect, love... His answer was “I am grateful to God in Yoga, that they are punishing me, this way I am happy to get some injuries now and then so I become quiet. I am happy that something comes to me so I can devote my time more and more to my practice and be free from this egoistic cult” . His answer is a great teaching. I understand more and more… (I cannot post the interview here since I can get to youtube from sideways due to it is being banned by Turkish Government… )
I can say he really makes people high, he knows good anatomy, he knows what he teaches very well, he is a good person… On the other hand, for me, his class was too much exposure and I am just out of ‘Path of Love’ for God’s sake… and then too much talking, pointing people out, too much yeah you can do it… and with the smiling thing… sorry but a bit giirrrr…. He went on most of the time with stuff like Maya is this and that, and I have been feeling just the opposite actually, very weak for the last week and he sees through this and so, he points out what you are struggling with right away but in an opposite light… However, I was uncomfortable with all the cheering because I know my ego would love, would totally love it but what I long for is not satisfying my ego but being me, just pure me with no illusions around it (ha! Wow! My sannyas name had to mean something; for the first time , now I see that this is perhaps why I became to be renamed as Maya...! I guess I should be thankful to Chris for showing me this)
Yet, I am happy that I went to his class, so now I know what it is like. And once in every six months or even once a year of Chriz Chaves seems enough for me ☺. I really love silent practice and this is not because I am super serious but because I need to internalize to get grounded. The main reason I practice is to be grounded to this world. And the most important point for me is being able to do something not when Chris is cheering and helping me but when I am alone, by myself, with my self-knowledge knowing that I can do it or discovering that I can do it and doing it. OF course I am not undermining his help, he shows people that their capacity is beyond what they believe it to be and that is really helpful… but for me, the bottom line is I gotta do it myself. And perhaps that is my weakest and strongest side; don’t like to ask for help, can’t ask for help and also trying to learn standing firm on my own feet…
P.S. I watched an interview with B.K.S Iyengar on Youtube yesterday. At the end, the interviewer asked if his ego was being pumped by being Mr. Iyengar, the person who had the biggest role in having yoga spread to the West, receiving so much recognition, respect, love... His answer was “I am grateful to God in Yoga, that they are punishing me, this way I am happy to get some injuries now and then so I become quiet. I am happy that something comes to me so I can devote my time more and more to my practice and be free from this egoistic cult” . His answer is a great teaching. I understand more and more… (I cannot post the interview here since I can get to youtube from sideways due to it is being banned by Turkish Government… )
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Dilemma or not
I have a dilemma…. Okey before my dilemma I have other things to write about…. Right after I came back from Path of Love. it was a religious holiday here so not many people at all. Sunday the usual suspects came to the practice but then Monday and Tuesday they all slacked… A was still here when I came back. Monday he was the only person who came to class and we kept talking for a long time and at the end, he decided not to practice… then he left the next day for India! Very exciting.
I cannot wait to be in India either. My next journey is getting closer, only one month left for me to leave! Ohh my God! Exactly one month later I will be taking off for another one. I am trying to have no expectations… really, trying to have it blank, so I am not disappointed with myself or others or with stuff…. But of course it is not easy… well I am still excited but trying to keep it at that. Well there are things to do before I leave so I will begin focusing on them systematically.
What else…. My practice is okey… a bit less power but then handstand practices feel good… I am not sure what to thing about my practice anymore… and then the dilemma: should I try out this Anusara teacher’s class? I am so not wanting… and so, it will be forcing myself to do something I do not want to do but then a. I am curious b. I am scared, but why? What am I avoiding? Maybe nothing maybe I am just dreading to be forced to do stuff I feel like I cannot do. Then I already have my practice which I am happy with and I am not so interested in trying out everything out there. Does this make me narrow minded or someone who likes to focus? ohh I will see how I feel on the weekend. If I have an intention I will go… if not, it will be just fine because it will be my choice.
Okay… how am I feeling after Path of Love? I am feeling good. Better sleep. Meditation everyday, which I enjoy, and have the urge everyday… Reading KA which is not an easy book to read… also reading some poetry and sometimes writing too… a bit unsocial with other people, who has not done the process. that
I cannot wait to be in India either. My next journey is getting closer, only one month left for me to leave! Ohh my God! Exactly one month later I will be taking off for another one. I am trying to have no expectations… really, trying to have it blank, so I am not disappointed with myself or others or with stuff…. But of course it is not easy… well I am still excited but trying to keep it at that. Well there are things to do before I leave so I will begin focusing on them systematically.
What else…. My practice is okey… a bit less power but then handstand practices feel good… I am not sure what to thing about my practice anymore… and then the dilemma: should I try out this Anusara teacher’s class? I am so not wanting… and so, it will be forcing myself to do something I do not want to do but then a. I am curious b. I am scared, but why? What am I avoiding? Maybe nothing maybe I am just dreading to be forced to do stuff I feel like I cannot do. Then I already have my practice which I am happy with and I am not so interested in trying out everything out there. Does this make me narrow minded or someone who likes to focus? ohh I will see how I feel on the weekend. If I have an intention I will go… if not, it will be just fine because it will be my choice.
Okay… how am I feeling after Path of Love? I am feeling good. Better sleep. Meditation everyday, which I enjoy, and have the urge everyday… Reading KA which is not an easy book to read… also reading some poetry and sometimes writing too… a bit unsocial with other people, who has not done the process. that
Friday, September 18, 2009
Back from Path of Love
Yes! Back from Path of Love and I am amazed! It was a wonderful journey! I am so glad I have done it. This will be a blessing for me in my present and future… I feel funny about all the frustration and excuses I had before doing it, because it was worth everything I have given to it! I feel like words cannot describe… but what I can say is that it is an honest work on yourself! If you truly dare to open your heart, just go for it! It was not easy at all but somehow you commit and go through it and the outcome is you will see…
Well, this morning was my first practice in a week but since I was physically active all week long, it was okay. I was in a nice steady pace. It felt good to be on my mat. I did only primary and it is Friday anyways but uuppps today is a moonday! Well it is new moon and I took it slowly…
This morning I had coffee for the firs time in 3 weeks and I am so shaky now. I am literally shaking, my mind is too overwhelmed. I guess I should have begun with decaf. Uhhh, well tomorrow will be decaf because I still love the taste.
Well, this morning was my first practice in a week but since I was physically active all week long, it was okay. I was in a nice steady pace. It felt good to be on my mat. I did only primary and it is Friday anyways but uuppps today is a moonday! Well it is new moon and I took it slowly…
This morning I had coffee for the firs time in 3 weeks and I am so shaky now. I am literally shaking, my mind is too overwhelmed. I guess I should have begun with decaf. Uhhh, well tomorrow will be decaf because I still love the taste.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Almost POL
Tomorrow afternoon POL begins… I mean Path of Love. I donnu what to expect anymore. I have been frustrated with myself about getting myself into this… I have been thinking “ohh what are they gonna make us do? I don’t believe in this, how can things change in 6 days???… blablabla… Ohh well, I did sign up for it tough, so I better go with it. Dad used to say that one should finish what they begin, not to leave things half way through… Maybe signing up was not really half way through but it was a beginning and I guess it is better to be done with it. Then I will not keep hearing about it and wonder whether I should do it or not…
Well, about this week, about the practice… It was an okay week… the practice was mostly good except on Wednesday morning. Wednesday I was tired, heavy, all the usual excuses for not having a good practice. But I have been good and never skipped practicing handstands… Yes, I need to do them everyday even if it is only once.
The weather has been rainy all week long. It became cooler but the practice got sweater(?) the humidity I believe. With the classes… there is one guy who has been coming since Sunday morning… he has a wonderful practice, great energy… enjoyed his presence and I assume other students also. Then, there is a newbie who showed up on Tuesday, and he is doing great!
Yesterday was big rain all night long, which means as I was practicing ☺ … There is suppose to be a big rain tomorrow as well. I hope that won’t create problem for us to arrive to the venue where the POL will take place. I have to admit that one nice thing about this POl is silence for a week! I think that is what I love the most.
Well one last thing is the new movie by Tarontino, Inglourious Basterds. I went to see it with mom yesterday and it was really good. I recommend it.
Well, about this week, about the practice… It was an okay week… the practice was mostly good except on Wednesday morning. Wednesday I was tired, heavy, all the usual excuses for not having a good practice. But I have been good and never skipped practicing handstands… Yes, I need to do them everyday even if it is only once.
The weather has been rainy all week long. It became cooler but the practice got sweater(?) the humidity I believe. With the classes… there is one guy who has been coming since Sunday morning… he has a wonderful practice, great energy… enjoyed his presence and I assume other students also. Then, there is a newbie who showed up on Tuesday, and he is doing great!
Yesterday was big rain all night long, which means as I was practicing ☺ … There is suppose to be a big rain tomorrow as well. I hope that won’t create problem for us to arrive to the venue where the POL will take place. I have to admit that one nice thing about this POl is silence for a week! I think that is what I love the most.
Well one last thing is the new movie by Tarontino, Inglourious Basterds. I went to see it with mom yesterday and it was really good. I recommend it.
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Coffee Break
I am a bit low in moods. Perhaps it is part of the quitting coffee process. Yes, I am quitting coffee for Path of Love because during the process, we will not be allowed to drink coffee ☹ and I do not want to have the withdrawal when I am in the process! I am a bit rebellious about this because they let smokers have few cigarettes a day but not a cup of coffee to coffee drinkers in the morning!!!! Well, to tell the truth, I am fine with not having coffee for a while. It is perhaps good to detox from caffeine, it is just difficult with my early rising schedule. I stopped last Sunday, so I can have couple of weeks to get back to normal… but I have been drinking a cup of black tea in the mornings; however, this coming week, I will not even have that... Maybe green tea for the first couple of days…
Practice has been okay, maybe a bit heaviness… would that be due to no coffee I wonder? But also a bit weak maybe… I have been lazy with practicing hand stands and then on Wednesday, when I tried to press against the wall I could not do, which was something I had discovered that I could do after my castor oil bath a month ago… well, I got a bit obsessed, so I tried many times and at the end I managed to squeeze out one… but I wonder what was the reason that I could not do it all of a suddenly… not good bandhas that morning maybe… or not doing any handstands while on vacation… and then being lazy about them here…
Thursday afternoon I went to the island to see my parents who got back from their vacation on Lesvos Island! Since it was a moon day on Friday, I stayed over night. This time, I was really good to be in the island, very peaceful, quiet, and it was nice to see my parents after a long time. I also realize swimming is really good for my knee. The doctor also mentioned that when I saw him a month ago; he said that swimming increases the blood circulation, which is quite low over the bone area, and so it helps with the healing.
Well, one good news is I found housing in Boulder! That is very relieving. I was beginning to get nervous because I will be in isolation for a week during POL and what if something come up from the studio regarding housing, I would miss it again as it happened while I was on vacation and did not have internet access…. So that is sorted out and I also have a friend to rent my apartment for at least the last 3 months of my away time…
Now I am thinking of going to Yin Yoga…
Practice has been okay, maybe a bit heaviness… would that be due to no coffee I wonder? But also a bit weak maybe… I have been lazy with practicing hand stands and then on Wednesday, when I tried to press against the wall I could not do, which was something I had discovered that I could do after my castor oil bath a month ago… well, I got a bit obsessed, so I tried many times and at the end I managed to squeeze out one… but I wonder what was the reason that I could not do it all of a suddenly… not good bandhas that morning maybe… or not doing any handstands while on vacation… and then being lazy about them here…
Thursday afternoon I went to the island to see my parents who got back from their vacation on Lesvos Island! Since it was a moon day on Friday, I stayed over night. This time, I was really good to be in the island, very peaceful, quiet, and it was nice to see my parents after a long time. I also realize swimming is really good for my knee. The doctor also mentioned that when I saw him a month ago; he said that swimming increases the blood circulation, which is quite low over the bone area, and so it helps with the healing.
Well, one good news is I found housing in Boulder! That is very relieving. I was beginning to get nervous because I will be in isolation for a week during POL and what if something come up from the studio regarding housing, I would miss it again as it happened while I was on vacation and did not have internet access…. So that is sorted out and I also have a friend to rent my apartment for at least the last 3 months of my away time…
Now I am thinking of going to Yin Yoga…
Monday, August 31, 2009
Post weekend
I am very moody today, I guess it is the Path of Love nervousness or something… I am thinking now that 6 day process cannot do much… maybe will do a slight thing… maybe I will explode during POL, ha and they will all run out. But now I just want to be by myself.
Anyways… Yesterday, I was actually full power surprisingly after all the food I had during birthday. Birthday was okey… but I decided not to do such a party again here, I felt like a little kid. Maybe if I am away somewhere in India, I can be with friends, have a nice lunch… that would be lovely… sigh… I miss India so much. Actually I had enough of being here now, and now I think I don’t even want to come back… Ohh, I am so negative today and it is just the beginning of the week. Well, this morning I was very sleepy when I woke up and during the whole practice I was low energy as oppose to yesterday. The point is everything changes as I see in my practice from one morning to the other... so my thoughts will also change about being here and there, etc....
Then, I am getting all excited as I read Susananda’s blog about Sharath’s workshop in London, but there is still time for me to be in Mysore and who knows if Sharath will be there teaching… nobody.
Okey maybe I should not blog when I feel like this. I should sit back and read something and get my mind off the negativity… or sit with it and see which is more real as Suzuki asks, my problem or myself who is sitting? And what is my problem by the way? Well, complicated but: being here, not being strong with certain individuals, and being apologetic for being myself… uhhh
Anyways… Yesterday, I was actually full power surprisingly after all the food I had during birthday. Birthday was okey… but I decided not to do such a party again here, I felt like a little kid. Maybe if I am away somewhere in India, I can be with friends, have a nice lunch… that would be lovely… sigh… I miss India so much. Actually I had enough of being here now, and now I think I don’t even want to come back… Ohh, I am so negative today and it is just the beginning of the week. Well, this morning I was very sleepy when I woke up and during the whole practice I was low energy as oppose to yesterday. The point is everything changes as I see in my practice from one morning to the other... so my thoughts will also change about being here and there, etc....
Then, I am getting all excited as I read Susananda’s blog about Sharath’s workshop in London, but there is still time for me to be in Mysore and who knows if Sharath will be there teaching… nobody.
Okey maybe I should not blog when I feel like this. I should sit back and read something and get my mind off the negativity… or sit with it and see which is more real as Suzuki asks, my problem or myself who is sitting? And what is my problem by the way? Well, complicated but: being here, not being strong with certain individuals, and being apologetic for being myself… uhhh
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Today is the birthday day... 32!
Today is the birthday day… Yes already 32 and feeling as young as ever. This year I guess it will be different. Last year, I entered my new age only with my sister, a bit depressed and feeling lonely. This year, we are having small garden party in my sister’s beautiful garden. And I see how we contribute in creating our own happiness and unhappiness. Last year, I was stubborn to organize anything because I thought there was no point. Yes, I was in a negative mood, negative about myself, about being in this city, etc… This year, actually my friend suggested that we do this garden party and so I invited few friends… and we will see how it goes. I have a feeling it will go fine…
I am trying to bake my own birthday cake as usual. Actually, I already baked the cake (chocolate beer cake from Delia Smith) but it does not seem to be the way it should and I know why because I used whole wheat flour ☺ and the chocolate sauce is not done yet, it is too bitter, have to adjust it… kind of a mess but I am sure people will be fine no matter how it turns out.
This week was fine. I was a bit sleepy in the mornings… I think it is normal since I was waking up at 6AM while on holiday and then going back to 4AM was a bit tough. Then I had to show something to a student because I could not describe it with words but then that brought up the pain on the side of the knee which was actually getting better and better… I was a bit frustrated but then as the week went along, I began to have more and more soft attitude towards myself, my knee, my pain, my injury… I just realized my practice is not about what I can do and not do… and I have faith that I will heal, I just have to believe. And I guess acupuncture would help tones but have to wait for that since I do not know any good place here in Istanbul. I am also doing hip openers every day to reduce any stress that can go to my knee…
Also Path of Love… The process begins on 11th of September but actually it already began! They send you questionnaires and those really begin the process. After filling the second one, that same night, I began having nightmares about people from my past… people I should have let go long time ago but obviously they are still under the carpet. I hope the process will do the cleaning needed!
Okey, going back to birthday mood! Happy 32 to me! I feel very blessed for having Yoga in my life, having my teachers and my friends in my life, having the opportunity travel, and live in India every year! And yes blessed to have such a great family.
I am trying to bake my own birthday cake as usual. Actually, I already baked the cake (chocolate beer cake from Delia Smith) but it does not seem to be the way it should and I know why because I used whole wheat flour ☺ and the chocolate sauce is not done yet, it is too bitter, have to adjust it… kind of a mess but I am sure people will be fine no matter how it turns out.
This week was fine. I was a bit sleepy in the mornings… I think it is normal since I was waking up at 6AM while on holiday and then going back to 4AM was a bit tough. Then I had to show something to a student because I could not describe it with words but then that brought up the pain on the side of the knee which was actually getting better and better… I was a bit frustrated but then as the week went along, I began to have more and more soft attitude towards myself, my knee, my pain, my injury… I just realized my practice is not about what I can do and not do… and I have faith that I will heal, I just have to believe. And I guess acupuncture would help tones but have to wait for that since I do not know any good place here in Istanbul. I am also doing hip openers every day to reduce any stress that can go to my knee…
Also Path of Love… The process begins on 11th of September but actually it already began! They send you questionnaires and those really begin the process. After filling the second one, that same night, I began having nightmares about people from my past… people I should have let go long time ago but obviously they are still under the carpet. I hope the process will do the cleaning needed!
Okey, going back to birthday mood! Happy 32 to me! I feel very blessed for having Yoga in my life, having my teachers and my friends in my life, having the opportunity travel, and live in India every year! And yes blessed to have such a great family.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Back from Lesvos
I am back from my vacation! It was very nice. Lesvos is a beautiful island and I felt very lucky to be there from the first day. And yes, I was very lucky because the first moment we stepped into the commune (Afroz) we met my sister’s friend and his girlfriend who is also an Ashtangi! It was such a good luck as you can imagine because I had a practice friend while I was there! She has been an ashtanga practioner much longer than me and therefore, she is more advanced; but she is, as most long practiconers, very humble. She usually practiced the same sequence with me and she also gave me very nice adjustments! I could not have been more fortunate! We usually met between 6 and 6:30 AM at the Buddha Grove for practice. And there was a guy, who became a friend later on, who sleeps on Buddha Grove (he likes to be under stars while sleeping), so he would wake up to us practicing and then he would begin his own Thai Chi practice… and then some more people would arrive to do their own stretches and yoga practice…
The 3-day group with P & S was nice. It was called Love, Devotion and Surrender. Personally, I did not like the first day so much, but I enjoyed the second day of Devotion. We did Sufi zickers and Chanted Hindu mantras to live music during the second day… and the second half of third day was also great, we did Stop dance to live music and the musicians went wild with the music coming to some divine peak and so we did with the dancing…
Then the rest of the time, I took it easy… Swimming in the ice cold waters of Lesvos, which was very good for my knee. Then, eating good food, deserts, and all the fresh figs you can imagine ☺. Going to White Robe every night, which is much more relaxed than it is in Pune… We hung out with my new ashtangi friend and his boyfriend a lot. His boyfriend was teaching Cherokee dance, so I joined them every morning after breakfast to do the dance. Then I also met some people I have known from Pune… it was great! People from all over the world getting together. Since Afroz is not so big, the vibe was very much family like, warm…
Being back of course is always a challenge but I feel okay today. Istanbul is not super hot at least and I have somethings to look forward to. First of all, I missed my students, and I am recharged so I feel good to be back to teaching. Then, I decided to join Path of Love which will happen in mid September. Since I have dedicated 10 weeks to love and this group has been popping up on my face with better payment plans etc… so I decided to do it. And then of course Boulder where I will be stuck forever… well this is my feeling but then I am so devoted to Rolf… which will pull me to the east again.
The 3-day group with P & S was nice. It was called Love, Devotion and Surrender. Personally, I did not like the first day so much, but I enjoyed the second day of Devotion. We did Sufi zickers and Chanted Hindu mantras to live music during the second day… and the second half of third day was also great, we did Stop dance to live music and the musicians went wild with the music coming to some divine peak and so we did with the dancing…
Then the rest of the time, I took it easy… Swimming in the ice cold waters of Lesvos, which was very good for my knee. Then, eating good food, deserts, and all the fresh figs you can imagine ☺. Going to White Robe every night, which is much more relaxed than it is in Pune… We hung out with my new ashtangi friend and his boyfriend a lot. His boyfriend was teaching Cherokee dance, so I joined them every morning after breakfast to do the dance. Then I also met some people I have known from Pune… it was great! People from all over the world getting together. Since Afroz is not so big, the vibe was very much family like, warm…
Being back of course is always a challenge but I feel okay today. Istanbul is not super hot at least and I have somethings to look forward to. First of all, I missed my students, and I am recharged so I feel good to be back to teaching. Then, I decided to join Path of Love which will happen in mid September. Since I have dedicated 10 weeks to love and this group has been popping up on my face with better payment plans etc… so I decided to do it. And then of course Boulder where I will be stuck forever… well this is my feeling but then I am so devoted to Rolf… which will pull me to the east again.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Vacation Almost!
I am on the verge of a vacation!!! Yes, my sister and I will go to Lesvos island tomorrow. My sister says it has the most beautiful sea… and of course, we will have lots of fun staying at Afroz, the Osho center in the island. The first three days will be a chanting and mediation group with Premartha, Svarup and Milerepa. Then we will do our own thing; participate in daily meditations, lay at the beach, swim, eat, drink, be merry.
I am also hoping to get a nice rest. Not to wake up so early… and take it easy with practice a bit so the inflammation on my femur can recover fully. It has been doing fine but now the doctor told me to stop using the medicine and see how it goes without it, and he told me to take it easy until it heals to do point that I can do everything without pain… Without the medicine, I feel it more. Therefore, need for more attentiveness still, not to push it at all… and it should be okay, I have to have faith that it will heal… it gets difficult sometimes… my usual all or nothing side starts yapping that I will be stuck with this situation… ohh the mind… but then I say nothing is permanent, all is changing constantly, so have faith and do what you must do! I do what I must do: I take care and practice with care and not loose hope.
Now I need to pack, and pack lightly, which is always a challenge!
I am also hoping to get a nice rest. Not to wake up so early… and take it easy with practice a bit so the inflammation on my femur can recover fully. It has been doing fine but now the doctor told me to stop using the medicine and see how it goes without it, and he told me to take it easy until it heals to do point that I can do everything without pain… Without the medicine, I feel it more. Therefore, need for more attentiveness still, not to push it at all… and it should be okay, I have to have faith that it will heal… it gets difficult sometimes… my usual all or nothing side starts yapping that I will be stuck with this situation… ohh the mind… but then I say nothing is permanent, all is changing constantly, so have faith and do what you must do! I do what I must do: I take care and practice with care and not loose hope.
Now I need to pack, and pack lightly, which is always a challenge!
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Night life in August or ever?
Yesterday I cooked Indian dinner for couple of my friends. I cooked the dishes I have learned at Tina’s cooking class during my first time in Mysore: palak paneer and vegetable kurma and. Moreover, I cooked dal from Sivananda cook book and samosas and plain rice. It was too much food but they are not vegetarian so I was a bit concerned about feeding them… Consequently I ended up with lots of leftovers; so much that I can have another dinner party tonight… well I put some of it in the freezer.
Of course there was lots of drinking on their and on my sister’s part. I barely had a couple of glasses of wine and that was already much… well I used to drink lots also and stay up and party… but now, all that is not so interesting. Not to misunderstand… I enjoy my friends but when I am sober and when it is not after mid night and not in a bar where people are bumping on you constantly. Yeah, later on, we went out to the neighbor hood bar but it was boring: too crowded and not much people we know. So, after a while, we all split. Well, I went out the other week also and it was the same… I love dancing, I enjoy good music but the bar scene, especially during summer time in Istanbul is not my thing… And I cannot do the schmooze thing anymore at least in a crowded loud bar/night club. Am I getting older than I am actually?
Of course there was lots of drinking on their and on my sister’s part. I barely had a couple of glasses of wine and that was already much… well I used to drink lots also and stay up and party… but now, all that is not so interesting. Not to misunderstand… I enjoy my friends but when I am sober and when it is not after mid night and not in a bar where people are bumping on you constantly. Yeah, later on, we went out to the neighbor hood bar but it was boring: too crowded and not much people we know. So, after a while, we all split. Well, I went out the other week also and it was the same… I love dancing, I enjoy good music but the bar scene, especially during summer time in Istanbul is not my thing… And I cannot do the schmooze thing anymore at least in a crowded loud bar/night club. Am I getting older than I am actually?
Friday, July 31, 2009
Vacation month for Istanbul begins
I have been not writing… because I was busy and lazy and a bit down and then up…
After the food poisoning, as I mentioned Jen was here last week … it was very nice to have her. She was an easy going and fun guest to have. We cooked together, so I was fed better last week ☺. Then I took her to do the island to visit my parents; that went really well also. It was very good for my parents to meet another ashtangi; therefore, they see that there are other people like me and they are normal, nice people. After the island trip, we went to Grand Bazaar and the Spice Bazaar. Boy, that day was really hot! It was the peak heat of July! But we managed. Jen and I are very similar when it comes to shopping, we do not like to wander around many hours, going into every store; we both like to go to one or two stores, get what we like and be done with shopping. Otherwise it is too overwhelming… I think she enjoyed Istanbul and I hope she will visit sometime in the future again. Now she is in Barcelona, improving her Spanish…
With me… This week, I was really full power. I don’t know where it all came from, especially after a sickly week. Last week, when I practiced for the first time on Thursday after recovering, I was feeling so weak. I did the half primary on Thursday and Friday; my legs were all shaky during standing postures… how one can loose so much strength in few days! I guess with not proper nutrition, all the sickness and no practice, it is like this. However, after couple of days, the energy picked up incredibly. I was surprised myself. I guess this showed me few things: 1) being healthy makes a big difference in our lives. 2) When one is weak, the practice is hard. 3) Not be afraid of loosing… The second one was good to realize how beginners feel because until now I honestly forgotten how standing postures can be so tough! The third one was good to realize that we can get sick or not able to practice due to circumstances but it is all okay, it all comes back when we are able to get back to our mat again. Learning…
What else? Well, this week was considerably quite, not many students. Yes, that month of the year is already here: the vacation month! I thing I will not be here next year at this time. I should try to move my traveling to do the summer time! Now, I am just trying to stay present and not to get discouraged. It is tough these days for me; maybe the planets are making though alignments or something, or it is just I having hard time just being, stop criticizing myself. Much to let go… THe good news is that I will go to Lesvos island for a week in August with my sister... that will be a good vacation for me!
Now the plan is castor oil bath tomorrow! I got the oil last weekend from the Spice Bazaar. I read the Kimberly Williams article about the bath… I have no soap nut powder nor green powder, so I hope I will be able to was it off with regular shampoo and soap…
After the food poisoning, as I mentioned Jen was here last week … it was very nice to have her. She was an easy going and fun guest to have. We cooked together, so I was fed better last week ☺. Then I took her to do the island to visit my parents; that went really well also. It was very good for my parents to meet another ashtangi; therefore, they see that there are other people like me and they are normal, nice people. After the island trip, we went to Grand Bazaar and the Spice Bazaar. Boy, that day was really hot! It was the peak heat of July! But we managed. Jen and I are very similar when it comes to shopping, we do not like to wander around many hours, going into every store; we both like to go to one or two stores, get what we like and be done with shopping. Otherwise it is too overwhelming… I think she enjoyed Istanbul and I hope she will visit sometime in the future again. Now she is in Barcelona, improving her Spanish…
With me… This week, I was really full power. I don’t know where it all came from, especially after a sickly week. Last week, when I practiced for the first time on Thursday after recovering, I was feeling so weak. I did the half primary on Thursday and Friday; my legs were all shaky during standing postures… how one can loose so much strength in few days! I guess with not proper nutrition, all the sickness and no practice, it is like this. However, after couple of days, the energy picked up incredibly. I was surprised myself. I guess this showed me few things: 1) being healthy makes a big difference in our lives. 2) When one is weak, the practice is hard. 3) Not be afraid of loosing… The second one was good to realize how beginners feel because until now I honestly forgotten how standing postures can be so tough! The third one was good to realize that we can get sick or not able to practice due to circumstances but it is all okay, it all comes back when we are able to get back to our mat again. Learning…
What else? Well, this week was considerably quite, not many students. Yes, that month of the year is already here: the vacation month! I thing I will not be here next year at this time. I should try to move my traveling to do the summer time! Now, I am just trying to stay present and not to get discouraged. It is tough these days for me; maybe the planets are making though alignments or something, or it is just I having hard time just being, stop criticizing myself. Much to let go… THe good news is that I will go to Lesvos island for a week in August with my sister... that will be a good vacation for me!
Now the plan is castor oil bath tomorrow! I got the oil last weekend from the Spice Bazaar. I read the Kimberly Williams article about the bath… I have no soap nut powder nor green powder, so I hope I will be able to was it off with regular shampoo and soap…
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Food Poisoning 2...
I got food poisoning on Sunday, which got me off from my mat and teaching and writing my blog. This is how it happened: I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling nauseas and went “o ohh, is it happening again?” But then weird enough, when I woke up at 5 in the morning, I was feeling well and I did my whole practice with no problem… Then taught my led class all full power; however, during breakfast, I realized I was having difficulty drinking my coffee which I enjoy so much everyday… And after a while, I realized the coffee was sitting up in my stomach with all other stuff and I drank some water but still they were sitting up and then I ended up throwing all up… and began feeling weak, so I carried myself to my bed… After a while, I thought I would get some yogurt and boil some rice and have a simple meal with these. I got the yogurt, boiled the rice, had a bit of that… Yet, they did not stay in the stomach either and at the end, each time I got up from my bed, I was throwing up and I realized that I was having a slight fever… I texted one of my students, who have the key to the shala, that I would not be able to teach in the morning and if she could please open the door for regular students to come and practice and put a note on the door that I am sick… My sleep was very unsettled… I woke up with nausea and headache, and actually could not lift my head from the pillow and then my mom came around noon, she brought some bread and honey so I had simple toasted bread with some honey and tea… but that was also hard to settle in the stomach, I was feeling like something was being squeezed inside all the time… I threw up again and then diarrhea… great combo! Then my mom decided that we should go to the hospital, which is luckily so close by. The doctor at the hospital examined me and made the diagnosis that I had food poisoning. They gave me serum and while that was going in, they ran some blood and stool tests. From the results of these tests, he decided to give me antibiotics. I know many of us do not like taking antibiotics but this time I did not resist at all. The only thing is that, this antibiotic is hard on my stomach also!? I guess it kills whatever is bad and also good inside… I did not go teaching yesterday either, I was still not fully recovered, nauseas and light headed. Today was new moon; therefore, I got a good rest.
Well, I am not sure what got me so sick. But I feel like it was something I ate home more than outside and the suspect is the homemade yogurt. The last one I did, did not settle so well, and also there was power shortage, so figure… Then I guess my too much thinking, worrying mind was a commencer as well… well I am hoping to be learning from all this… This is my second serious food poisoning. The first one was in Pune... then also my mind was confused with what I want to do and what I want not to do...
Now, my friend Jen with whom I met in Goa is here. She arrived last night. It is very nice to have her here, it took my mind form being sick and I am recovering much faster than I would if I were alone. Blessings to the practice and all the wonderful people I meet through the practice.
Well, I am not sure what got me so sick. But I feel like it was something I ate home more than outside and the suspect is the homemade yogurt. The last one I did, did not settle so well, and also there was power shortage, so figure… Then I guess my too much thinking, worrying mind was a commencer as well… well I am hoping to be learning from all this… This is my second serious food poisoning. The first one was in Pune... then also my mind was confused with what I want to do and what I want not to do...
Now, my friend Jen with whom I met in Goa is here. She arrived last night. It is very nice to have her here, it took my mind form being sick and I am recovering much faster than I would if I were alone. Blessings to the practice and all the wonderful people I meet through the practice.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Gypsy music and some more...
Ohh, I meant to write this earlier… about last Friday. I went out with few friends to listen to Gypsy music and dancing. One of my friends is a scriptwriter and she is working on a TV series about Gypsies, so one of the things she had to do was to listen to Gypsy music, meet the musicians and the dance teacher. She asked us to go along with her and we were all for it since this sounded so interesting. I went to the island to see my parents but came back the same day to go out with them, even I, the unsocial one did such an effort to be there! And I think it was worth it. The music was really good and it was fun to dance to it. The dance teacher was dancing really well, and since Gypsies are originally from India, his dance was very similar to Indian people’s dancing, which I really enjoyed!
This week is going well. I was very energetic and happy in the beginning of the week. My energy is a bit lower now, but the mood is still good. Yes, I am pretty satisfied with the Mysore classes. They picked up, eventually my efforts begin to pay off! I am a bit exhausted… luckily, in mid-August, I will have a bit of a break… so, I need to apply for a visa again… being a Turk is not easy, need a visa to almost everywhere. I think I say this a lot…
On the other hand, my own practice is ok, but needs more power. Power! Maybe the holiday will help.
This week is going well. I was very energetic and happy in the beginning of the week. My energy is a bit lower now, but the mood is still good. Yes, I am pretty satisfied with the Mysore classes. They picked up, eventually my efforts begin to pay off! I am a bit exhausted… luckily, in mid-August, I will have a bit of a break… so, I need to apply for a visa again… being a Turk is not easy, need a visa to almost everywhere. I think I say this a lot…
On the other hand, my own practice is ok, but needs more power. Power! Maybe the holiday will help.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Impatience is the...
This week has been really hot… it makes a sticky practice… I do not sweat so much since I practice much earlier and alone, so only the heat of one person in the room but while teaching the sun is in the studio, students get really wet with sweat and even I sweat… can be a bit overwhelming but I guess the heat opens the body more… so it is all good.
Middle of the week, I decided to go back to the doctor I have seen couple of months ago about the injury I have inside the knee. Well, figure this out, I was supposed to take the medicine he prescribed to me for a month while I only took it for a week. Misunderstanding is understandable since it was mercury retrograde when I saw him back then. First of all, he told me that these kinds of injuries take 3 to 6 month to recover fully, which is good to know. He examined me again and the only pain is inside my leg over the femur bone. Then, he went over the MRI pictures with me more thoroughly and showed the place where I have the pain, which is the bone, and over it is the inflammation. I asked him whether I was suppose to not do anything when he told me to rest it because I have done yoga and “tried” (sometimes unsuccessfully because of impatience) to not do things that hurt it… He told me to be free to do anything which does not hurt it. He also told me two other options to heal it which are much more extreme solutions than I would go for and he was not suggesting, just informing. One is this medicine with very strong side effects (he would not even tell me the side effects!!!); they give it to you and you stay in the hospital for 3 to 5 days (due to side effects I guess) and then you go out and do your yoga or whatever as if you have had no problem before. The second one is operation; they suck out the inflammation. Well, of course, I am sticking with just anti-inflammatory medicine and being “patient” since this is my karma yoga for the season!
The funny thing is that I began reading “Ka Stories of the Mind and Gods of India” and few pages into it I found myself reading these lines “…impatience is the only sin.” Well I should get the message already… everything in my life pointing towards this. By the way, I have only read few pages from the book but it seems to be fantastic… very excited, so I better go back to it.
By the way, the decision for August is going with sister to Afroz. I will not do the Satori since swimming is not allowed. I think it would be really good/healing for my body and mind and soul to soak in beautiful salty waters of Lesvos island… I will do the 3-day mediation chanting group which should be fun!
Middle of the week, I decided to go back to the doctor I have seen couple of months ago about the injury I have inside the knee. Well, figure this out, I was supposed to take the medicine he prescribed to me for a month while I only took it for a week. Misunderstanding is understandable since it was mercury retrograde when I saw him back then. First of all, he told me that these kinds of injuries take 3 to 6 month to recover fully, which is good to know. He examined me again and the only pain is inside my leg over the femur bone. Then, he went over the MRI pictures with me more thoroughly and showed the place where I have the pain, which is the bone, and over it is the inflammation. I asked him whether I was suppose to not do anything when he told me to rest it because I have done yoga and “tried” (sometimes unsuccessfully because of impatience) to not do things that hurt it… He told me to be free to do anything which does not hurt it. He also told me two other options to heal it which are much more extreme solutions than I would go for and he was not suggesting, just informing. One is this medicine with very strong side effects (he would not even tell me the side effects!!!); they give it to you and you stay in the hospital for 3 to 5 days (due to side effects I guess) and then you go out and do your yoga or whatever as if you have had no problem before. The second one is operation; they suck out the inflammation. Well, of course, I am sticking with just anti-inflammatory medicine and being “patient” since this is my karma yoga for the season!
The funny thing is that I began reading “Ka Stories of the Mind and Gods of India” and few pages into it I found myself reading these lines “…impatience is the only sin.” Well I should get the message already… everything in my life pointing towards this. By the way, I have only read few pages from the book but it seems to be fantastic… very excited, so I better go back to it.
By the way, the decision for August is going with sister to Afroz. I will not do the Satori since swimming is not allowed. I think it would be really good/healing for my body and mind and soul to soak in beautiful salty waters of Lesvos island… I will do the 3-day mediation chanting group which should be fun!
Sunday, July 05, 2009
I would be...
Rest of the week, my energy was high. Waking up was a bit slowww due to the heat, which do not let one sleep properly… But, after few Surya Namaskars, my energy has expanding and I would be wide-awake. The achy part near the left knee has been better with my own before sleep therapy, which consists of moksha (my sister got them from Dr. Passang while in Pune, they are incense sticks looking like cigars that you hold near where you have aching, swelling, etc.) and maha narayan taila oil on the achy part and massaging each foot with little sesame oil for about 10 minutes. I believe massaging the feet is especially good because they are all connected right? Feet, knees, hips. If one begins to open up, relax, then the others would also benefit from that. This is my strategy. Therefore, with all this, slowly getting better, but then on Friday, I got over excited and attempted to do Marihchyasana B and D properly. With D, after couple of breaths, I decided this was not a good idea yet because the pain was biting. Well, rest of the day it was a bit achy. Patience is the key! I cannot believe myself that I am still not getting this! I would be my worst student! I have to confess I am not as caring with I am with myself as I am with my own students! This is neither good nor smart! I know I know I know! I apologize from myself and I promise to take care! Now, it is good and I am being patient.
With classes, thing are going fine. Consistency is almost there. Still people are going to vacation and coming back but it has been all right.
Then… I am thinking of doing Satori in Afroz. They have one in the beginning of August. My sister and I have been planning to go to Afroz for a week. She will assist her teacher with a 3 day chanting and meditation course and I was thinking I might do that course. However, yesterday I suddenly had the idea that since I want to do a Vipassana course so much, I can do the Satori instead for the time being. I will see what will be the final decision; it all depends on whether we are allowed to swim once in a while during… and of course to the cost.
With classes, thing are going fine. Consistency is almost there. Still people are going to vacation and coming back but it has been all right.
Then… I am thinking of doing Satori in Afroz. They have one in the beginning of August. My sister and I have been planning to go to Afroz for a week. She will assist her teacher with a 3 day chanting and meditation course and I was thinking I might do that course. However, yesterday I suddenly had the idea that since I want to do a Vipassana course so much, I can do the Satori instead for the time being. I will see what will be the final decision; it all depends on whether we are allowed to swim once in a while during… and of course to the cost.
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