As I was meditating (ohh well obviously not really) and feeling fat and bloated all these things began pouring in… As I mentioned previously my humble opinion about shifting from practice to practice, I forgot to mention my thoughts in recent days regarding teachers… Those teachers whom we hope would fix us… of course not all students are like that. Anyway, I was thinking that when one has a problem with a teacher it is probably most of the time not the teacher but the student who creates this problem since our experiences are mostly shaped by our expectations, opinions and thought patterns etc…. of course this is not always the case, there are times when we have no control over what is happening but I am talking about the usual case… so I have been having this problem with one of my teachers. It is mostly in mind, not really out in the open; I have been feeling hurt, neglected, and snapped by her… and therefore, I do not want to go back even tough I love and miss the other one a lot… As I have been going through all these in my mind and sharing it with few friends, I realized that this was also me who could not be strong enough. I felt like I made her get disgusted with me because I was not strong but then at least maybe not physically strong as she expected but if I were mentally strong enough, I could stand up for myself instead of taking it all and then after a month realizing how all that was rubbish… And standing up does not have to be all dramatic, it can be just a strong attitude behind who you are... It is in my hand to make it all a different experience, something to keep in mind so if I want to go see him, I shall not be stopped by anything… There seems to be not much difference between shifting from one style practice to another and from one to teacher to another... and as I reread the Gita, I could not help but earmark the page where I read in the commentary "The function of a teacher is not to teach but to help to put the the learner in possession of himself. The questioner has the true answer in himself." Something to keep in mind...
Other than thinking too much, I had lunch with sweet dad and he was telling me how he could not sleep all night because of Dharma, their tiny schnauzer who got operated on Friday. Dad told me that mom and him talked this over and decided it was not necessary to get her fixed but then, suddenly last week mom decided to do it and took poor Dharma to the veterinary… Dharma stayed there for few nights and today they picked her up. Dad could not sleep all night because he was concerned that Dharma would begin jumping around when she sees them and her stitches would burst… talking about my vata mind, yeah with these parents, no surprises, ha!
Miss Dharma in snow
Regarding fat and bloated… these days I have weird view of myself. I feel that I have legs like fat pillars while my arms and chest are still skinny… what the hell…
Miss Dharma in snow 
2 comments:
PMS???
So are you thinking about returning to Goa? Is that it? :)
I'm not sure what I'll do. I'm reasonably ok practicing with John, but absolutely no teacher will ever love or understand me as much as Chris does. I have a feeling that what remains of his program at Peridance won't last that long, though, and if they cancel it he won't start up another morning Mysore program. He's over the early morning thing. And so I have to make do. I find myself looking at shala comfort more than who's in charge of the room.
not PMS, this is my usual case, imagine if I did not practice... well, I think I am not heading to Goa this time, but if things do not work out here as I hope, then maybe... On the other hand, if missing R becomes unbearable, I might go to India a week earlier and spend one week there with them to get the longing out of my system, for a while at least... :p
From what I read on your blog, it seems like you get along fine with John but I understand how another teacher can be much closer to the heart...
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