A bit of Mysore afterthoughts...

Another trip to India came to an end. Each time the India experience is different and each time what is waiting at home is different. But first of all, I want to reflect on Mysore… Initially it was difficult for me because of the relationship stuff I was going through… It was too much drama; I was too tense, too anxious, to nervous… Even during the practice I was thinking of all this stuff that was going on between me and A… And at one point I got fed up and asked the rhetorical question “ Why am I here?” well, of course to practice at the shala with Sharath. So, then I realized that I have to get myself out of the situation I got myself into… and I did… after that, I begin to breath more freely, with less guilt… Then practice began to get more interesting, more inspiring… Moreover, after so long, I felt that someone was paying attention to my practice! Even though the shala was fully packed and there was a stream of students coming in and out, he was paying attention to me as well as he was to others. Then him moving me to intermediate led class and splitting my epic practice restored my confidence in my practice.. I have been beating up myself for so long, not feeling good enough for my teachers, for them to pay attention to my practice… So, it has been powerful, and transformative in some way, just like it has been with Richard… and actually reaffirming the same thing, that my practice is okay… just work hard but not get gloomy about it. Again realizing that practice should not make us gloomy, it is just a tool, one of the tools, to learn more about ourselves but not a place to begin another fight with ourselves… rite? And when Sharath says “be a student, be patient, you need to be a student many years, 10-15 years, you need to do one asana maybe ten thousand times to perfect it, be patient, be patient… and study yoga but no more physical practice after the morning practice, this is enough or it gets crazy… read yoga texts…“ and then one goes uhhh it is just a practice we do which is part of a whole practice and so don’t neglect the other parts of the whole…