Teachers

Yesterday, at the conference, Sharat talked about the Guru. Finding our guru and surrendering to our guru, to our teacher… He said no one could tell you that they are your Guru, you have to feel it and when you find your Guru you will know it, you will feel it inside. He said that when we talk to our Guru, we feel the knowledge they have about yoga and then we decide that they are our Guru. While I was listening to him, I thought he was describing the way I feel about Rolf. Before I met Rolf, as I was preparing for my trip to Goa last year, I told my mom that I feel something very beautiful will happen in Goa… and yes it happened, there I found my teacher. As Sharat described yesterday, I felt it inside, in my heart that Rolf was my teacher, my Guru. Of course, I feel devotion and respect to Guruji and every time, every morning I remember how grateful I feel that Guruji has brought us this practice. I feel grateful that he shared his knowledge with Westerners who became teachers to us. When it comes to Sharat, he is very perceptive, he is very humble and he is fair and so I regard him as my teacher as well. However, to be honest, that feeling he was talking about, I feel it for Rolf. Rolf touched my heart with the love he has for every single person, with his caring, loving approach to every student. I guess it is a moment that we get it from someone, suddenly we find ourselves in bliss in the presence of this one person and they become our Guru…
On the other hand, I also feel great devotion for Osho. I regard him as the master. I have been to Pune twice and there were moments that I could not hold my tears during the evening meetings when I see him in the big screen, listening to one of his discourses. Sometimes, he would speak directly to me, to my sadness, to my confusion. The last night before I left Pune, he was talking about being close to the master does not mean being physically close. So many are physically close but they do not get it and some get very close but they get scared and step back… From Osho, I had the confirmation of having the right to be in this world… It might sound strange to some people; you might ask “why did you need such a confirmation?” Well, I did need it for some reason… I felt loved, unconditionally loved by Osho even tough he is not in his body, never born, never died… I felt that I am okay as the way I am… and he taught me to express myself. I love Osho meditations, I love reading and listening to his discourses. Some of the Osho therapy groups can take one really deep inside and show the bliss in this world…
Putting all these together… I can say that Rolf is my teacher, my Guru who is alive, who is an example of great dedication to practice and not only that but he is also the person who has that unconditional love for everyone which I felt from Osho the first time… Sometimes, I get confused, I feel thorn… I love my practice, I enjoy it and cherish it very much. But I also love to explore more with different methods Osho used… I know I do not need to be thorn… I can bring more and less as I need. I guess the feeling of being thorn comes because I listen too much of other people when I should know I can do as I feel, I do not need to give u pone for the other, I know what is good for me and I just need to tune in…

Enough of my feelings regarding teachers, Gurus, Masters…
Today’s practice was fine. I guess I could be more vibrant but I was not. However, at the end of my practice, after I did my backbends and backdrops, Sharat came to help with grabbing the ankles and he asked what did you do (meaning what I did last) I said “ Bhekasana .” he said “Only that?” now do Dhanurasana and Parshva Dhanurasana for these two days” so I went down to the floor and did those two. Then I did back bends again and one more backdrop which became super easy after so many… Sharat came again and he said Wednesday you do Ustrasana at home. (Wednesday shala is closed for some reason… so we are all practicing at home… ) I said “Homework” Then he helped me with grabbing the ankles and as I came up he was chuckling again… I do not know why but I guess it cannot be bad.