The Black Cat Incident!

Okay, things got really funny here last night around 1AM. I live in a room in my sister’s house. She has an apartment with a garden and my room is downstairs, well was downstairs- ground level with a little window looking to the garden. I liked this room, it was big enough, private enough… and I made a little corner for myself with photos of my respected masters, and enough space for me to do my practice… But then two weeks ago, while I was practicing I saw this black street cat hanging on the wire mosquito net on my window and then turning around and pissing towards my window! Yaks! So this was the reason for time to time cat piss smell I was having! Not any of my sisters three cats! Well, me being a Virgo, I got really irritated by this. So I stopped opening my window (even though it is August in Istanbul!) I cleaned everything in my little altar to be and we cleaned the window and my sister put vinegar on the window so it would repel the black cat… But I kept smelling the sour piss smell although I kept my window shut and burned incense and sprayed Aurosoma room sprays…

Last night, in the middle of my sleep, I was awaken with a noise, and I saw a black shadow hanging on my window, pulling the wire nets and then the shadow leaving with a nice piss smell behind! Uhh, first I though I could sleep over this, do whatever cleaning up I need to do next day, but I could not sleep. After an hour, I gave up and got up. I looked up by the window to see the marks he left behind and while I was trying to close the blinders furiously, the plastic stick to close them came off … So, I went outside of my room to see if there was a chair I can take in to step on it and fix the blinders. I found a high stool, I brought it in and then I stepped on this high but light stool which did not stay under my feet for long and slid away with me falling off and bringing the big mirror leaning to the wall down as well… First thing I looked was to see if the mirror was okey since it is bad luck to broke a mirror, and then I looked to see if I broke something in my body… We were bought okey with me having a large scratch on my right ribs. But at this point, I was really upset… tears started roll down my cheeks and so, I decided it is time to sit on my mat for a while and then breath for a bit and then go on with my practice… I was still angry but I decided to channel this energy towards my practice. I knew I would be strong unlike my weakness of the past few days because I found out this winter while I was working in Pune at the Osho Commune, that I get angry and that this anger has lots of energy, and it is okay to be angry and it can even give birth to something beautiful if I can use it. Instead of trying to suppress it or pretend that it did not exists, I was recommended to acknowledge it and look at it… Well, I sat and I breathed and then I began my practice… It was around 2:45 A.M. I had energy and clearness of a well rested morning… I did my whole practice including the handstand practices by the wall and then lay on my mat for shavasana. It was a good practice and I wondered whether I should thank this black cat which has been making my room sting and waking me up in the middle of the morning… because it woke me up to do a practice that was solid. I realized that when I was worrying about getting weaker and all that, I was worrying for nothing…. It was my mind making me uneasy… I remembered the time I got poisoned in Pune just when I was suppose to begin working… and how that got me weak… but at that time, I minded this little; as soon as I was up, I began practicing without much worrying about whether I was moving forward or backward. When I went back to Goa to study with Rolf again, it all came back anyways… We are suppose to see that we are not this body, we are not this mind, we are something beyond all that, but this awareness does not come instantaneously or by hearing it. I do not know when I will get it and calm down for good… yet, as Cary used to say yoga is one step ahead two steps back… at the time, I took what she said for only asana practice but now I see it contains more.

I remember after I took 9 days of because of the new tattoo on my shoulder and got weaker with my practice, someone telling me that it was all right, no big deal because there is so much time ahead to practice. I always had that in mind but forgot it recently… and now I also see that there is so much time ahead to build the Mysore classes here… I still need to work on myself… if I try to keep going without paying attention to myself, it would lead to something not so enjoyable. For some, starting something and leaving it behind after few months is not clever but for me it is okey. This was the first trial, I began with very low expectation and it went fine. I think, after I come back, it will be fine again and maybe better. I do not feel guilty or doubtful about leaving next month because I see that if I do not, I will stop enjoying what I am doing. I am not strong enough and that is probably why people wait much longer than me to begin teaching Mysore style… but circumstances here led me to teaching Mysore style which is the best way to teach for me anyway. But I also have to be honest with myself and take care when I need caring…

After the practice last morning, I still had sometime to leave the house to go to the shala. Therefore, I turned on my computer to look for flights to India. I decided to leave a bit earlier than what I have decided before… instead of struggling here and loosing perspective, I go and work on my practice, regroup with my friends and have the opportunity to see few who would be gone by the time I arrive to Mysore.