Rain and the thoughts that come and go with it...

Rainy days… Yesterday was a rainy day. I love summer rain so much and also the thunders! It takes me to my childhood. When I was a kid, for sure every summer there would be summer rains to my remembering. I would be in the island, in my grandmother’s house. We would be at the balcony just before the garden so I would have an open view. I would watch the rain, watch the big streams of brownish water running down the sides of the stairs of the street in front of my grandmother’s house. The rain would wash the dusty streets, and the smell of the air would become fresher, more earthy… So each time it rains in the summer, I go back to these memories and not only to these images and smells but also the way I felt during those times… like a kid.

Well today is no rain, a bit cloudy only… Yesterday the practice was nice, power was on, I woke up before the alarm… and my energy was good. Therefore, I thought today would not be so good, it is already Thursday and I already had a nice practice the day before, so I thought I would be dragging a bit. However, to my surprise it was even better, I was intact and I really enjoyed all of it… how I condition myself to have a weak practice just because the day before was good already… Well the surprise is there!

Other than all this, I went back to Guru stuff yesterday after I had a chat with a friend. I feel a bit thorn inside… regarding someone… I have to look in to see what is there to learn… I was wondering this morning if we can be forced to change our Guru, the one teacher whom one felt closest to their soul. I guess we can be and there, a big let go had to happen. I know there is an Osho group called The Freedom process, which is again to shed the conditionings, and from what I heard from my sister, it is also to get freedom from the Guru… I guess it is like Primal where one gets freedom from the parents, symbolically killing the parents who contributed to conditionings, and so one can see them from a different angle, for the person they are… and so I guess with Freedom process one gets rid of the Guru in order to get rid of the ideal we create in our mind so we are not restricted on our path… and also to realize the ordinariness of the Guru as well… I mean, we tend to put people on a pedestal, but sooner or later they disappoint us because we built all these expectations around them… anyways… So, I wonder, but then I see it is a turning point for me. The seed was planted during Richard’s intensive. I realized how amazing Richard was but also how accessible and humble and ironic… he did not represent himself other than the human being he was and so with this, I understood that our teachers are just people like anybody, and some with amazing knowledge, big heart, great understanding, with so much to share but no need to get all nervous in front of them. One of the most valuable things I got from the TI was that my teachers should be reachable and I should be able to talk and ask question to them when I need to… with one of my teachers I felt very close to my heart, I would feel so nervous in front of him, I would not even be able to talk with him properly… but this time, I was much more relaxed and when I talked to him, I saw he had so much to say back, it was beautiful. I realized how much I was missing because I was making him unreachable in my mind… And now I am thinking that I need to let go of him for the time being because of circumstances, which are built around him by him and by others… I am sure I will see him again when the time is right.

I was thinking what Tias told me once, that he is ever more interested in creating space in the body… I never forgot that. And these days I was thinking what another teacher said, that we do not kill our thoughts but give them space in our mind. I think now what I need the most is to create space in my mind so I can give space to these thoughts that are cluttered a bit ☺