eternity in now

Good question,  how long is now? I guess it is as long as one makes it. August was not long at all but I have known months which were so long…  

Now, back in Istanbul after such a transformative month in Berlin.  First, it was amazing Maty whom I loved instantly!  She was a full power, inspiring, true heart.  I have no words to describe her.  I learned in those two weeks more than I have learned during last couple of years.  I bow to her with respect and love.  It was pretty sad to see her leave after those two weeks. Then, Chuck came and we had a moment until we got on the groove with him and that was mostly because of the course being split up like this.  However, after a while, we got on a very efficient track and he thought us a lot as well.  Chuck is very very good with his adjustments, of course he cheats a bit with his advantage of long limbs that can reach further than we could manage J but seriously he taught us well! and now I am looking forward to studying with them again and again... 

Of course, after a while we all blended pretty well.  I met lovely people in this course. Also there was a Goa group, those of us who have met before in Goa and also in Mysore. Well, one always meets lovely people in these courses I guess, but this time I was emotional…   I got so used to everyone, I felt really sad to apart at the end. This usually does not happen with me because I have been leaving places over and over so when the time would arrive, I would almost disconnect from my feelings… but then the ashtangi world is small, so hopefully I will see them at one point in one of those places we go for practice.

On the other hand, things seem to be shifting. Maybe it is the period I am in or each time I go deeper… I feel like this course affected me deeply, and changed me in some ways, touched my heart in several places.  I felt very emotional at times; very connected to the pain of a friend; got new understanding about practice, how it should and should not be and so on…  Also I have been watching some of those missing links in my life for the past few months and at the end of this month, I am being given a ticket to take a leap.  Now with a bit of tremble in my heart, I am daring to do things differently… As I wrote to a friend, it feels like a new chapter of my life is beginning suddenly and I have to figure out how to place myself in it, and it is so sudden and it feels so much like "uhh can it be real, how did I jump here from there..."  This is how it is with me, usually it is not progressive, I suddenly find myself in a new territory. And now learning to navigate in this new territory… my practice and teaching are changing as well as my priorities.  Well, change in the first two is always expected and welcomed so we grow as practioners, and teachers… but the last one!  With me, the stubborn one who would not look right or left, nor hear any alternative to her plans, compromise from them, now is thinking maybe it is time to bend the rules a bit to make room for other parts of my life… ha! but that is also the part of practice, isn’t it? as one of my first teachers told me…  relating, letting go of the past, learning from past mistakes, learning to look inside, making room for another, daring to take risks for change, to question and many more are all part of the practice… slowly I will see if I can… Dear Silvia told me I can do anything I want, and so I better remember that...