sometimes it is all about softness

There is a lot that I think about these days…  and some of it is related to softness…  I know I lost some of my softness on the way, trying to have it all together while I travel or had to face difficult situations, to not to panic, not to feel desperate, not to be taken advantage of, not to seem lost, not to feel vulnerable… so somethings are calcified.  However, now I think that too of a strong hold could be a barrier to the actual strength we have, and to the experiences that life is offering us…  I guess at times, one has to be vulnerable… Like the time I told my friend how I was hurt with all that happened, when I could accept my vulnerability, to the point of sharing with the other. Then I was so free from it latter on…  I was true to myself and to the others, I could not fake all was alright at a time when all felt bitter…  I had to trust that I could handle it no matter what the reactions could be and at the end of it all, I just felt  soft, open and very human with all the imperfections…  I need to remind myself this experience of last fall.  

Yesterday, I realized I also need this softness in my practice; the strength is not necessarily coming from hardness of my muscles, it is like my sweet friend Claire told me while we were waiting our planes at Bangalore airport, it comes from a soft smile, from a soft space within… to much holding of my muscles is actually stopping me to use the strength I have…  it was very interesting to discover…

time to write!

Time to write for me…  so long it has been.. I keep starting to write and then leave it half way…  I have to write to completion. 

I am home for more than a month now.  I began teaching Mysore classes again and it is such a blessing!  I see how much I missed to share what I am receiving from my teachers.  Every teaching is a teacher for me, every student is a new interaction to learn from.  I am starting to drop expectations and just do what I love to do without interfering with the monkey mind :P  It is not always easy, hoping more people would show up, hoping the already existing ones will take upon the practice with big enthusiasm, etc…  but have to learn to stay with what is here and now and just do the best I can… the rest will follow, whatever is suppose to come will follow… have to stay present with faith.

I was very happy to get back home after more than seven months.  I had a long journey.  Mysore days were wonderful.  It was hard to leave…  Then, some traveling to Thailand, which is beautiful, and Sri Lanka with gorgeous beaches…  After two months of due time, back to India again, to Goa.  Studying with Rolf and Marci one more time, such blessing to be with them.  Goa, is the second home, Mysore is the second home… hard to choose between those two.  But the best part of all was to feel that home is the home, I mean Istanbul is the home for now.  I was happy to miss Istanbul finally and have some enthusiasm to make somethings work here. 

So here I am for a while.  Until August I teach, a little break and then teaching again and maybe a Mysore trip.  Practice in the mornings feel good.  I am feeling that I am getting more skilled each time with working on things that I get from my teachers.  Bringing back homework, coming home with things to work on.  Change does not happen over night or sometimes not even in a month, it can take months, years.  But each study I take with my teachers give me something to work on.  Before, I would have the tendency to expect big changes during each study, and sometimes I would feel disappointed… now I see that it does not work like that… the journey is long, and it requires patience, diligence and dedication.  And I love the journey!

By the way, I am thinking of moving to wordpress... any opinions about that?

some of us in Istanbul...