Experimenting, rearranging...

So, it was good 10 days subbing for P. Until June, he takes over the Mysore classes again. Then, I will be teaching again for a month when he is in Mysore… It is very exciting that he is going for Sharath’s TT, and the second level!!!

Looking back to two weeks ago, I was so nervous the first day of teaching, and now I am much relieved to see that most of his students received me well. It was also nice to see that I did integrate some of the things I learned in Boulder from Richard and Mary. I can now do more studying of course… continue listening to recordings and reading the notes… and then experience, experiment… listen to the breath my body…

My own practice has been fine. Well, uhhh… I have to admit I went back to adding half of the primary to my practice as Richard suggested while I was in Boulder as an alternative to doing the whole primary and half of second. The reason that I do not go on with only second is that I do not want to get weaker since the strength part do not come very easily to me. If I were in Mysore and practicing with Sharath, I would be less concerned because he would move me on slowly, so the practice would be building up… However, now it will be where it is until September … Well, I added Yoga Nidrasana and (which is such a reliever) and Tittibhasana A , B, C, since I was given them by Rolf. Tittibhasanas were the last ones which were given by Rolf before I left Goa. I did them for the first time today since I left Goa. They are killer still, my legs get on fire ☺. I think now that if I did not upset Sharath by doing the right leg first in Dwi Pada Sirsasana when he asked me to show him that one time (I got that from M who kept wanting us to switch sides) (and of course also my head hanging down depressively did not help either) maybe he would have given me Yoga Nidrasana… Anyway, it is not important, I have enough to work on until I see him next time… and I will work on Dwi Pada and Tittibhasana, so when I am with him, it would be less of a challenge; yes Yoga Nidarasana sandwiched between those two is really a nice break, and I also need to work on the exist in Eka Pada… On the other hand, I have to admit that there is a difference between doing only second and combining it with primary! The intensity of doing only second is really strong, and I am not talking only about the physical intensity. One of these mornings as my mind was wandering while I was doing the first half of primary, I realized that when I do only second, also the focus of the mind is much greater! Therefore, I decided to practice twice a week only second, and there is only primary on Fridays and then the other three days are first or second half of primary with the intermediate… that sound ok, no? I asked Peter’s opinion about this and his response was “you are lucky that you can experiment, I did not have this choice…” I guess he had to go along with what he was told at the time…

Well, I am in a good place. I have plans to plan and not alone… and then things to look forward, especially August!!!

Rolling...

So, teaching is fun as always… of course this time will not last so long, Peter is back next week. In June I will be teaching the Mysore classes again, then for a month. I have to say that couple of them are just seeing me as this one who is filling in for Peter (which is the case) and they dismiss my suggestions… that is all right, I know when to make it clear that I am now teaching in that room and when to let go… On the other hand, I really like that some of my old students are there, it is nice to have familiar faces around, so I am not the total stranger and already I am getting to know others… Over all, it is a good environment and it is a nice reminder of how much I enjoy teaching... Though I will need to make some effort to teach some privates or something during the month of May.

Practice is okay. Yesterday I was feeling super tired, weak and stiff! I don’t usually feel stiff so that was surprising… Still I made it through fine. This morning it was better. I had more power, even though waking up part was still difficult. I guess waking up part is never so easy for me unless I am in Mysore and it is so hot that I cannot sleep and I just get antsy and hiper so the best thing to do is to practice… But then this time I am in much better situation because I don’t have a super long practice; therefore, I wake up at the same time I used to last year but I can take my time to actually wake up. I can do some hip openers, I can sit idly and try to open my eyes ☺ Then I am ready to do my practice. I even do some mini salutations as we used to do with Richard. Those are nice because they get you slowly into the movement, and the legs begin waking up…

Then… I am already making plans for August! I know August is far but I am very tempted about this one workshop. I feel similar to the time when I wanted to go for Nancy Gilgoff workshop, which I ended up going to and which had been very healing for me at the time… and now again I am feeling that this teacher will be helpful for me, so I will do it… really excited already!

Also…. I could not help smiling to myself today. I kept saying that I don’t want to travel in India again, that it is too difficult, too tiring, etc, etc… but then I found myself today looking for Gokarna and then I wanted to google “how to get from Mysore to Gokarna” thinking about my next trip already :p… dreaming is nice. I will see how the visa think will work out, what kind of visa they will give, how much time they will give to be in India and if that would leave sometime to explore…

Uhh my sister is stuck in London. She was suppose to be back yesterday from her trip but the ashes, the volcano, you all know… I hope it will not last too long. She left before I could spend sometime with her… and also it might be getting too costly for her.

Being back home...

Been back home since last Thursday. It was a long trip to get home. I took the taxi (well, that was a luxury…) from Mysore to Bangalore, about a 4-hour drive. The new Bangalore airport is really nice so I was happy to get there and I even did a last minute shopping :p… Then I flew to Bombay which felt longer than hour and a half, I donnu if it was longer… Then the flight to London from Bombay. That felt pretty quick and I was in London early morning. I was really happy to be at Terminal 5 in Heathrow. I got good coffee, I got some breakfast food (ok, I don’t think rabbits eat yogurt and granola so no rabbit food) then I went to Kiehl’s booth and got the dry argan oil they have and some more stuff. (dear Linda that was my retail therapy!) Kiehl’s is not cheap but I really like their products; I feel that the money I spent is well worth. After three hours I had to run to my flight to Istanbul, yes I was a bit late, himm I got into the plane 8 minutes before the flight, but then we had to wait around a bit, so I did not have to feel guilty... What torturous was that we had to wait in the air for a while after we arrived to Istanbul, I was very much over being in the plane, flying… After we landed it was pretty quick to get out of the airport, but then there was Istanbul afternoon traffic waiting for me… I thought my head was going to explode as I sat in the traffic. When I arrived home, it was nice though. My friend who subletted my apartment took good care of my place… and it just felt good to be home!

The first morning I practiced the primary series since it was a Friday, I did a very mellow primary and it was good. I was thinking I might practice Saturday since I skipped Thursday due to traveling but then I was just tired… lazy… Instead I slept and then met with my sister and went to see an art exhibition of a friend which was really funny… Sunday I went to Peter’s class and also today and also Tuesday. Sunday felt a bit intense, doing only second here for the first time after travelling… well it is not hot here yet and after coming from Mysore where it was super hot and had been practicing in the shala which was full of 70 people, it feels a bit different… still lucky that I had the chance to practice with others rather than alone my first few days. During the moon day, Wednesday, I practiced the standing sequence to one of the led classes by Richard from the Teacher Intensive, which was recorded by dear Sascha.

And today… I began teaching, covering for P who will be away for 10 days. I was a bit nervous last night because it has been 6 months since I stopped teaching… but it was all right. I guess now it is a natural environment for me… and then there are few more things to share since the intensive with Richard and Mary which makes it exciting... to my chance there were also two ladies who were newbies… that was fun…

A bit of Mysore afterthoughts...

Another trip to India came to an end. Each time the India experience is different and each time what is waiting at home is different. But first of all, I want to reflect on Mysore… Initially it was difficult for me because of the relationship stuff I was going through… It was too much drama; I was too tense, too anxious, to nervous… Even during the practice I was thinking of all this stuff that was going on between me and A… And at one point I got fed up and asked the rhetorical question “ Why am I here?” well, of course to practice at the shala with Sharath. So, then I realized that I have to get myself out of the situation I got myself into… and I did… after that, I begin to breath more freely, with less guilt… Then practice began to get more interesting, more inspiring… Moreover, after so long, I felt that someone was paying attention to my practice! Even though the shala was fully packed and there was a stream of students coming in and out, he was paying attention to me as well as he was to others. Then him moving me to intermediate led class and splitting my epic practice restored my confidence in my practice.. I have been beating up myself for so long, not feeling good enough for my teachers, for them to pay attention to my practice… So, it has been powerful, and transformative in some way, just like it has been with Richard… and actually reaffirming the same thing, that my practice is okay… just work hard but not get gloomy about it. Again realizing that practice should not make us gloomy, it is just a tool, one of the tools, to learn more about ourselves but not a place to begin another fight with ourselves… rite? And when Sharath says “be a student, be patient, you need to be a student many years, 10-15 years, you need to do one asana maybe ten thousand times to perfect it, be patient, be patient… and study yoga but no more physical practice after the morning practice, this is enough or it gets crazy… read yoga texts…“ and then one goes uhhh it is just a practice we do which is part of a whole practice and so don’t neglect the other parts of the whole…

Rabbit like

This week is uber hot in the shala. Yesterday was a very sweaty practice but today it was even more! I could feel the sweat dripping from my shoulders and arms already during Parsvakonasana. And today I did not have much power... and this is because I think my not eating much at all... With this heat, I think my Vata has been rising and rising (yes there is a Vata heat also) and I cannot eat much. Lunch has been very poor for the last few days and since Peter and Selin left, I do not go out to eat once in a while which would compensate for the other days. Therefore, at home it is carrots, cucumber, beetroot, raddish, one does not get more rabitty than this I guess :) Of course, I eat lots of nuts but being a Vata I don't digest them, after a certain amount, they just go out, otherwise I would be a size of an elephant. Well, I eat fruits but it says in The Hatha Yoga Pradipika that eating fruits only is not enough for a yogi... (Not that I claim to be a yogi, I am not sure if it will be possible this life time...) And this morning was an indicator that I actually need to eat some more. The good thing is that I am going home where it is not super hot so I will eat more. But the downside of this is I am already nervous about being home... Need to stay away from any kind of drama when I am there, from family dramas, from yoga scene dramas, from dramas in my mind...

Bakasana B come please....

This week passed to quickly practice wise. It was just not enough because still I cannot do Bakasana B, I jump forward but the top of the feet first touch the floor and then I pull them up. At least Sharath does not punish me about it as I have been punished before... However, in every led intermediate, he comes behind me during Bakasanas (!). Today I attempted two jumps and no good, so he said "Bad". Huhhh, I guess he expects me to do it and I feel that I should be able to do it at this point but something, something, it is not coming... what is it? is it really my mind as Rolf has been telling me? I feel like I have gotten stronger and something in me is restless, telling me THAT i CAN DO IT BUT IT IS NOT COMINNGGGG! yeah kind of obsessed about this but then I think that I should just let it go, yes I should try but not obsess about it, it is just an asana... I don't know, I am funny like that, for a while, I was making joke about myself, whenever something went funny in my daily life, I would say it is because I cannot do Bakasana B... well, maybe at some point it will suddenly happen.. . but any tips would be appreciated even though have read many of them which are out there...

Yeah, the led intermediate classes are really intense, he makes us really work hard, I feel my heart racing as we go through the postures and each time as I come to my last pose (now it is Dwi) I am thankful that I have lasted fine... This morning I really tried hard to keep the head up in Dwi pada and it was better than the previous days but I know he will keep me there because of Bakasana B :P.

Well, Sunday is cleaning day in our house but the cleaning lady did not show up this morning and then we asked the landlord if he knew anyone. He sent a man. I had to guide him a little and he did clean the floors. Just half hour after he left, the lady came and I had to tell her that we called someone else because she did not show up... She told me a reason why she came late but I did not understand, and we are leaving soon I said no more. But also last week we were not at home when she cleaned and I think she skipped some steps like mopping the floors and then she asked me for more money... well, what to do , I gave her the money...

So my last three days in the shala this week. Wednesday I will take off from Mysore... there is lots to say about how it has been practicing in the shala this time but I will wait until the end...

Rain fresh

It has been really really hot, and then the power cuts which meant no fan help, plus mosquitoes, I have been a bit impatient with India for the last week. And today it rained! to cool it all off. I can feel the effect in all, in the air first of all, then in my mind and then in people... This morning we met for breakfast for Gale who is leaving tomorrow. She will be coming to Istanbul in May, so we gotta prepare her for it a little... I don't think much preparation needed for those who has been to India anyways... After the breakfast I drove to Mysore city because I wanted to buy one of those zippered plastic bags. So I went to the Devaraj Market. The ground was wet, muddy, had to be careful while walking to not slip. I walked slowly, and got to my destination where I knew I would find the bag I was looking for. He said 85, I said 50, I got it for 60, probably I could get it for 50 but I did not want any drama... Then, I walked just outside of the market, got the fresh jasmines which were threaded on a string from the same man who sold them to me last time. I wandered a little bit further, looked at the shops which sell coffee but decided I will buy it from Jois Coffee shop which is in Gokulam. I went back into the market, walked through the flower sellers this time. As I walked by, one of them asked where I was from and I said Turkey, and then he said come and, I did not feel there was any ulterior motive, so I stepped back, he wanted something from the man behind him and gave me two small peach coloured roses and told me to put them in my hair, he asked my name, I told him my name and he repeated it and then I went on my way... This was a good moment, this little trip to the market made me see India with fresh eyes again, maybe it was the rain. Since I left Goa, it has been difficult for me sometimes, especially with Indian men. During the trip from Pondhicherry to Bangalore, the bus driver and the attendant getting really mad at Arnaud, the rickshaw drivers pulling us in every direction after we get out of every bus trip, the boy who grabbed my bum in the street, the guys who were driving towards my scooter to touch me, the man who spitted on my foot while I was walking in Mysore city... so I have been feeling more threatened than ever this time... But this morning, it was really calm n the market and the man who gave me those roses really didn't want anything more than knowing where I am from, what my name is and to see those flowers in my hair...

About the practice... The led intermediate classes now feel fine, I am getting the hang of them... On Monday something which was significant for me happened. As I went into back bends, I heard Sharath called my name for the very first time! He was yelling me "Dwi Pada, Dwi Pada, Ahu Dwi Pada". Him calling me with my name rather than just saying "you" was much more important than receiving one more asana. And today, again while I was doing back bends I heard him" Ahu, Ahu." and then when I was a bit slow in looking at him he said "Maya" (Peter says "so he knows both of your names!") and then he asked me "Dwi Pada, you did?" I told him that I did, he said "show me". Of course when he is looking I try to get into it faster and each time I go right foot first even tough I know it is left, ahh! Well, I am not so good at this, and plus getting into it faster, I was not able to raise my head so much while he was saying "head up, head up". The thing is one of the questions in my head is answered now... When P filled his application mentioning our plan and me, I was saying that he probably does not know my name or that I am from Turkey so it is fine... but yes he knows my name and I guess where I am from also... so what is next???

Maya

I guess one of the reasons I got so emotional the other day over my friend's email was that she named her little daughter Maya. Maya is my Osho sannyas name which I have used over the last three years and this was the name I was using when I met my friend. However, in the middle of Richard's intensive course, I decided to go back to my given Turkish name Ahu. The reason was the realization after Richard's talks that naming was a mind game, it was just distraction from the real experience. I told myself that if I wanted to show dedication to mediation and/or I want to make changes in my life, I just do it, I do not need to change my name to do this... Well, it can be a powerful and significant thing, name changing, and I guess it was at the moment when I did but now I can and have to do these things without any symbolism... Also, as I was sitting in the weekend long meditation during the Intensive, I realized who is sitting there was the same person, whom I was kidding? just have to do it, instead of creating distractions, that was it...

On the other hand, of course Maya is a good name. When I get home, I have to write some quotes from Ka where it talks about Maya, really nice... I am happy she named her daughter Maya...

rambling

I just got an email from a friend with whom I met during my last trip to Mysore. We were together only couple of weeks, then she left but during those couple of weeks, we spent good time, and get to know each other pretty well. She was staying with Gita and I also moved to the upstairs room at Gita's house and then when she left I took her room. And after so long she wrote to me today, and attached were the photos. Even before opening the email I knew it, I saw the attachment and thought that those must be photos of her and her baby(!?) I did not know that she gave birth but I always remembered her telling me that "Gita says girls who stay in this room always have daughters" in the room we both stayed.. And yes, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl! As I was looking at her photos, suddenly this though passed in my mind "will I ever hold my own baby in my arms like this, so gently, so lovingly..." and I felt the sadness... I never thought that I wanted to have a baby. I cannot even maintain a healthy relationship, leave that to the side, I cannot even find/choose the right person. So I felt the sadness that it might never be possible for me, but the thing is I never knew I could be longing for this... There were all these selfish things to accomplish before, and those things to accomplish, would they ever be accomplished in this life time? Wanting to be free from relationships so I can float as I wish, no one should be on the way of my missions... then could there be any space, time for a baby? Maybe at the right time with the right one... not much more to say other than my friend looks beautiful with her lovely daughter.

Quiet week...

This was a calm week. Not much happening. The weather has been super hot and I have been feeling more tired and having an understanding of siesta culture... I even had a nap one afternoon! The practice has been okey, feeling more settled with it and today's led intermediate was less tortures... well Sharath's count is not exactly 5 breaths, more like 10 breaths, rite?... But no new postures yet... During led I am thankful that I finish so early but during Mysore classes I can for sure do more... I wonder how those guys pull off all that Karandavasana, Nakrasana, I guess you just put yourself on automatic gear or something...

On the other hand, Flora left this Tuesday for France. She decided to empty the house and I was suppose to move to another place but Mari's friend Sandra showed up and stayed with us couple of nights. She is here for a month, doing Bharath's TT. Just couple of nights before we both were suppose to move, I looked at her and said why don't we make an offer to the landlord for 3 more weeks since the rent was paid for most of March. I am here until April 7 and she is here until April 10, it could work out. So, just like that, the next day we talked to the land lord and he accepted our offer since he would not be able to find anyone at this time... The funny things is that I and my new flat mate are born in the same day, I am just one year older.

Tuesday, I went to this tailor who is a bit further away. The first time I went with Dev; Dev is the one who knows where he is. On Friday afternoon I was going to go back to pick up my stuff (yes that soon!) and on Wednesday I told Dev to pick me up but then he forgot. Therefore, I had to find the place own my own, and I did fine until very close but then got confused, called the tailor, with his little English it was difficult but he understood me somehow and then I told him that I am in front of the school, and he came there to take me to his place. Now, I know where he is exactly! And as I thought that I don't have more things to get done since I am trying to keep the luggage small, this morning I went to town with Sandra and her friends from her TT and got more fabulous fabric! Now I am stuck with them, I am not sure whether to make things here or take them home and get them made into something home... Here it is always a gamble. The dress he made is really okey but about the shirt he made I am still not sure.. so with these new fabrics, I really want everything to work good because I really like them... what to do, gotta a decide...

This week, I also began chanting at home after practice. Well, I am trying to be consistent with what I do after practice... After shavasana, if the changing room is not full, I stay longer to do the pranayama I learned from Rolf or I go home and do it but it is kind of nice to do it right after. Then I come home and I put one of the recordings from Richard's intensive and chant the mantras we were chanting. Kumar told me that chanting Gayatri mantra will help quiet my busy mind so I will add that also. I might as well go to Jayashri these last couple of weeks few times a week. Soon I will chant alone at home all I want, so I should take advantage of being here and get my lazy bum out to chant with other students... it is always more powerful, no?

Now I need to do my sanskrit homework and then it is conference time...

Bits...

Ohh well.. nothing so interesting lately... I have to say that I am a bit homesick these days... which is a healthy thing for me I guess. I have been struggling with being grounded lately. There is a bit of anxiety rising from wanting to go home but not exactly knowing how things will turn out when I am there. Maybe I should leave this to then, I mean I cannot really do anything about this now because it is a bit complicated... Anyways. Also, this journey I did not do much to stay grounded, not much effort to sit still, which is working against me. I used to be much better with making an effort to meditate and this time I have been very very lazy except some mornings sitting for 10 minutes. Actually, Osho Kundalini mediation to shake off my anxiety will work well.

The practice getting more settled, I am getting use to doing only second. The first few days were not easy, I was sore in many places as I mentioned but now soreness is gone but this time I have a bit off not so right sensation on my good knee also, which is worrying me but I am trying to be careful with it and not to over worry (if I can manage). but what is up with the knees!??! There was nothing with this one and then I began doing only second which is much more merciful on the knees but still something happens, I don't know what to make out of it. And something always happens here in Mysore, I wonder if there is some other reason to this beside the physical reality of it. uhh I donnu maybe not to read into it too much. Also maybe walking around too much with not so supportive sandals can be the cause... On the other hand, the intermediate led was still challenging second time and made me a bit nervous especially when Sharath came behind where I was during Bakasana! Ohh well, what to do, I try my best with Bakasana B but still I have to get more courage to jump high enough to not let top of the feet touch down...

By the way, I began Sanskrit Level I again. Lakshmish remembered me of course with his sharp memory... But he is still not giving homework, I want homework, it is so fun to do those things... he told me he will give me extra work since I have done this class before and I want to go beyond a bit more than level I. I also began studying what we have done with Richard in Boulder. I am listening to the recordings Sascha made. Of course sometimes I am lost because it is voice only and then Richard or Mary says you do this or that or the muscle is like this the bone turns this way... and if I do not remember what they are talking about I have no clue what they are saying :)... I should look up online to the photos people put up after the training, they might hold some light to me when I am lost.

Okey there is another thing. I have been going nuts about what to do when home, rite? and maybe I am saved from worrying about the first couple of weeks. After, arriving to Istanbul, few days later I might be covering P's morning Mysore classes for couple of weeks, so that will keep me busy. After that, maybe I can figure out what to do, how to do... there is no hurry really, why am I worrying so much? it is the Vata mind, needing some grounding.

Split from Primary

Well, it is a whole new territory now! Last Sunday's led intermediate was okay despite me being really nervous about it. The first Surya Namaskar and Sharath tells Nick to move his mat to the front and makes us all wait in Chaturanga and begins counting 1,2,3.... and laughs... We were about 40 people and there were as many on the doorway watching us. I found rescue by placing myself next to Jeff. We were at the back, very close to the "office" ( not the new one). I was afraid of the Bakasanas, Bakasana A was alright, with B, I hopped, top of my feet touched the ground, pulled them up and survived 5 breaths on my sweaty arms and jumping back was a bit of a disaster :). Then, as advised by Peter, I stopped and looked at Sharath since this was my last pose he gave me; when he saw me, he moved his hand indicating to continue, so I did. Bharadvajasana and Ardha Matsyendrasana easy as usual, so I continued and Eka Pada Shirshasana was okey and then sweet Dvi Pada Shirsana which was pitiful... of course this time there were not all that primary series to open up the body before these LB postures and then the time pressure to get into them in a led class... Therefore, I heard Sharath yell "you, stop!" and of course it was me. So, we stopped, went back to the finishing postures... My first intermediate led was intense but I did it without any major embarrassment. Of course I tortured Peter about whether I would be split or not after this led and he said "I am not sure about many things but if I am sure about one thing, you get to Eka Pada and he splits you, this is how he has been doing for many years..." I still had to ask Sharath. Luckily, on Monday he was in a good mood and when I looked at him he smiled and I asked "now I do only second?" and he said "yes only second now on..." So, just like this what I have been wishing for became reality before I even expected. And now I have super short practice; it is a bit longer than one hour but it is not easy as much as it is shorter. I guess doing all that primary before the second series postures was really opening the body. After the led class I was sore on my thighs and my shoulders and in front of my ribs... On top of this, Monday I began sweating tones with Surya Namaskars and the sweat never stopped pouring and my power was very low, maybe due to the heat and maybe my body is confused to go onto second right away... But then I was tired the whole Monday and Tuesday as if I was not doing a much shorter practice... Today, I feel more in tune, getting back to normal. In the mean time, my mind was not short of producing all these questions and comments "practice is so short and not much vinyasas, what if get weaker, already I am not strong enough? Rolf does not split before Karandavasana and he still wants me to get stronger... ohh this Japanese girl was in intermediate led class, why is she doing primary series now, is she going to go onto second series after primary, ohh stop watching her concentrate!" Yes, yoga suppose to quiet the mind; I guess this is the quieter version of mine... Still I had to run to the shala on Tuesday morning and wait at the door until Sharath, who was still teaching, looked at me in a "what do you want?" way and I said I have a question, he came and I said "now I only do second but so short practice, I am afraid I will get weaker" and his response was "weaker? no, you won't get weaker, more postures are coming..." He probably thinks that I am a super Vata strange one... Well, I have to add that doing only second has a different effect emotionally and I guess this is expected since it is Nadi Shodhana which works on the nerves system while the primary series, "Yoga Chikitsa", work on the body and very much grounding... So, with only second I have been a bit more anxious but I expect that will also settle....

What else other than all this asana practice notes... Himm , on Monday I began harmonium classes with this lady who is up the street. It was utterly confusing because I know how to play the piano. I think if I did not know anything, it would be much easier but since I knew the notes and scales, what she was telling me did not make any sense. I thought of dropping this desire to learn music here... At night, I searched at the internet to get more clear about what she showed me and I read that the notes in a scale were not fixed in Indian classical music as it is in Western music. The teacher, instead of telling me this, just told me to forget what I know and later on to compare the two systems. I guess she could tell me that the notes in a scale is not fixed, so I would stop trying to make sense, because when she said Sa is Do and Ma is Re but then she hit Sol for Sa I was totally bewildered... oohh well I will try one more time tomorrow this time with my friend who knows nothing about music, lucky her...

Himmm my time moved down to 5:15 AM, I think soon enough it will be 4:30AM! it is really, but really hot here now. When we have power cuts in the evening it is so intense, sweating all over and my bed is so warm as if I have put a electric blanket.

By the way I might do Sanskrit Level I again since I don't remember anything from the last time... It begins this afternoon... still undecided... have to stop the sweet stuff, then confusion might be less as Kuckoo suggested. uhh as for sweets, I am only eating fruits and dried fruits, even that has negative effect I guess...

A. Grabbing !@#?!>

Okay, I know the title is a bit radical... but I am frustrated with this ass grabbing in Mysore... The first incident happened during the first week I arrived to Mysore on the street we live, which is just parallel to the shala, not a doggy place... I was wearing shalwar style pants and a t-shirt, walking up the street. this teenager Indian bay on a scooter came by and asked if I wanted a lift and I said no and kept walking. HE stopped there for a while, and then he began driving from what I was hearing since he was behind me and then suddenly grabbed my bum and said "get a lift!" I was so angry, I wanted to run after him, but of course he was on scooter so he just drew away and I yelled something in Turkish with that anger and feeling of humiliation. Then I had an another incident today. I was out of the dentist and I wanted to go to the city, to the Ashoka bookstore to buy this book which teaches you basic Sanskrit so I would remember what we learned in Level I Sanskrit last year and then I could continue with Level II Sanskrit classes at the shala. Therefore, I was driving my scooty in the traffic and this time I was maybe not prepared well, I forgot my scarf, I was wearing a skirt which was on my knees and a t-shirt maybe a bit wide in the front. Suddenly these three boys on a motorbike appeared by me began pushing me to the side and one of them began trying to grab my but from the side! I was in shock, I yelled and tried drive away and then this Indian lady in a van came by and stopped and they went away when they saw her. This was so dangerous beside being humiliating! Afterwards, the lady with the van came by me at the traffic lights and told me that it is my responsibility to dress up more properly and these guys are low class etc... Well, I guess I have to wear only pants or very long skirts here... I thought knee lenght was okay but apparently not at all. But the shock was they could kill me doing this while I was driving in the traffic! I was trembling a bit when I arrive to the city and felt as if I was naked or something... and Ashoka was out of stock of the book I was looking for. All was for this lesson I guess...

Well, there is some good news as well. I have been keeping this one. On Tuesday, while Sharath came to help me with Chakra Bandhasana, he asked me what posture I did the last. I said "Bakasana" and then added with a smile "Trouble!". However, he said "you come to Intermediate led class this week"! I could not believe my ears, I was so excited and this was so unexpected! After Chakra Bandhasana and a squash, I grabbed my mats and walked to the changing room for finishing postures.... After doing the finishing postures, resting and sitting for a while, I was already doubting myself, "did i hear correctly, did he really say that, did he really mean that I come to Sunday intermediate led?" So, today I had to ask him before leaving the shala "I come to intermediate led this Sunday?" and he nodded and said "yes". well this is a good step forward. At last I see an encouraging sign from a teacher...

Second month

I paid for another month on Friday. I was a bit goofy when I went into Sharath's "new" office to pay. I asked him if he would want to come to Turkey and his answer with a smile was "Do you have 100 students?" , I chuckled and said "maybe 20..." so, for now this is out fo the question...

Friday I was moody, moody, moody. But then I went to kirtan which was held at this place very close to where I stay and that was very nice, healing energy for me. Then, I came home, with the desire of warm milk but the gas was finished :(... I did not have cold milk. Saturday I woke up with a totally different mood. I met with Peter and we went to this dosa place which is near the zoo for breakfast. They only served dosa and idly. We had couple of dosas and then decided to go for a venture and ended up at the zoo :) since I have never been to this one. Peter assured me that it is not a depressing one and indeed it was quite nice. Lots of different kinds of animals... I liked that it is a very green zoo and it is very well kept. Then, the rest of the afternoon, I was at the pool (!) yes this trip I began going to the Southern Star pool... well this weekend was a long weekend due to Sunday fullmoon so the pool was not crowded at all. When I arrived a friend was also just going in so I spend most of the time chatting with him and of course I also swam couple of times. I guess the pool can be a intense place when it is crowded with yoga students but I have not come across to this yet. The funny thing wass that in the enterance they asked us for our passport and visa copy and couple of photos! Well, I do not walk around with my passport, so they said "bring next time" and handed me a form. They said they will be issuing a card for us... I donnu if I want to go through this hassel, but since the weather is uber hot I might need to. I also heard that there is another pool which is also nice but does not have much tree shade...

Sunday, moonday, I thought that I have been stuffing myself a bit too much (if you ask with what it is, mainly dried fruits and nuts... ); therefore, I decided to do a kind of fast. Well, it is not really a fast I guess. I had coconut juice and ginger tea in the morning after walking around the lake with Flora. I actually had to watch her having a cappucino at Barista while I tried to swallow down the "ginger lemon" tea they had there, I had to make a proper ginger lemon tea at home after that. Around 1:30 PM, I had little bit of steamed rice, broccoli and cabbage with lime juice and tiny bit of olive oil. After this humble lunch, I had water with lime juice. I was starving in the afternoon, so I ran to get another coconut juice and ran back home ( almost fainting on the way). I was basically feeling weak most of the day but I still had the expactation that I might feel nice and light in the led class next morning but the reality was a bit different. When I woke up I felt fine and thought "ohh nice I am not hungry at all" but then when I went to the shala to wait for the second shift led class turn, I started feeling really hungry and slightly panicing "ohh how am I gonna make it through?" We went in and began the surya namaskars. The first three were dizzy ones and I was feeling weak even in down dog! Most of the practice I was feeling weak, not light at all. During most of the practice I kept repeating to myself " fasting and practice do not go well together for you!" Of course after making through the practice, I ran home to have my breakfast! Afterwards I stopped by Kumar and told him about my mini fast and he said " this is why I am telling you not to fast, you are a Vata, no good for you. If you want to fast, do a fruit fast but eat through out the day not once..." I said I am afraid I am getting a bit big and he chuckled and said" with this practice, in this heat, you think you will get big?" We talked about many things since I do not know how to shut up when I am with him, and then when I was leaving he said " so, no fasting..." I ate pretty well today. We went to Sandya's for lunch and had her yummy food... It was good food and good company. Now I should be ready for tomorrow's mysore class, at least a bit more power ha!

Here comes Bakasana

Yesterday Sharath said "tomorrow Bakasana". I was happy to hear this but of course little balloons over my head began appearing also with scripts such as "I am almost at my biggest challenge, Bakasana B. Ohh but does Bakasana mean only Bakasana A or both A&B? how will I know, I should ask someone, etc, etc..." So, with these thoughts in my mind, I left the shala. I helped at the cafe in the morning which was fairly busy. In the afternoon, I saw Jeff and asked him whether I do only Bakasana A or both A&B, and his answer was "Of course you do both! Do you do only Shalabasana A when he says Shalabasana, you do both Shalabhasana A & Shalabhasana B or with Kapotasana, you do both Kapotasana A & Kapotasana B ..." Therefore, officially I got to the point where I struggle the most. But then Jeff was telling me not to worry so much, that Sharath is not so strict with it. But I once got traumatised about this posture and so it is making me nervous. Well, I said that I will come with my helmet tomorrow to the practice, lay it next to my mat and see what Sharath does... Okey, I did not come with my helmet to the practice today and when I was at Bakasana B, I just tried to remember all the tips Monika gave me when we were practicing with her in Auroville. She suggested that I go forward, not trying to go up and slowly down like R&M insists on. Monica said this is not a requirement at the shala and also this way is really difficult for women... and indeed it is difficult for most women. So, I did my best, I landed on top of my feet and then pulled them up, I repeated it few times and then moved on to Urdhva Danurasana. Sharath was around and he did not say anything, and then he came and helped me with Chakra Bandasana... I think what Flora told me last night also helped me to be easy with Bakasana B, she said "Just do it like a child as if you are doing it for the first time, don't think too much" :).

What is happening lately...

Beginning of a new week with lots of changes and new things.... This week is my fourth week at the shala, I will already need to pay for the next month on Friday. Yesterday I went to the shala a bit early, suspecting that there will be no one waiting and I was right, I went in before my time. As I went in, I asked Sharath if I should come earlier nowon, and he told me to come at 6:30 AM which is a good time.

Sunday I began to help Flora and Mari at the cafe with serving. I will help Flora 3 times a week, Mari is leaving today for France to renew her visa which means Flora will be super busy.... And then... well at last Sunday A left. He left for Jaipur. I really hope and expect that it will be good for him. He did not enjoy it here, our relationship did not work and therefore there was no point of him staying. He is a traveller. He keeps telling me that he is not a traveller but he cannot just stay in one place more than a couple of months :) and I tell him each time "so you are a traveller..." he insists becuase he is like that, like a child he wants what is in his mind at that momnet without seeing the big picture... Anyways... bon voyage...

On the other hand, I recognized within these last couple of months, I am fine on my own... but maybe this is fooling myself after one more "not the right one, not the right situation"; in a way giving up the idea that there is more balanced, harmonies relatinships... whatever, who knows etc, etc. Yet I am in a good mood, I am happy to be here. As many times I mentioned, I enjoy the practice at the shala, I am excited about many things that are offered to us to study and to get nvolved. I am also going to S.N. Jois again, actually this afternoon; the things he told me last time proved to be very much right to the point eventhough I was a bit offended at the time (ohh such a Virgo I am , no one can criticize me except myself, rite? well that is changing...)

I hope this week to be a good one. Sunday is full moon, I wonder if that is the case in the shala as well...

Slowly getting rooted

It has been almost three weeks since I got to Mysore... Things has been a bit complicated the first couple of weeks here and just now everything seems to be sorting itself out... I am staying with Flora and Mari still and it seems like I will stay with them the most of the time. Mari will leave to renew her visa, so I will have her room for a while and then the living room again... It is a nice home, I got very used to being there, and also living with Flora and Mari feels very good emotionally. On the other hand, things with A got a bit difficult since we have been in Mysore but I had a sense that it might be like this before coming here... I was a bit overwhelmed with 24 hour days together especially since I have been single for a long while. Needing the space and the time for oneself... but more than needing the space for myself, it became more clear once we got here that we have different interests which get in the way... I guess couples can have different interests and they don't have to get in the way, if they do, it is just an excuse for something which is not working... I am just being honest... While travelling, you get into relations which are sometimes only the reflection of that moment and then once you are out of that moment and space, they just go downhill. Of course you can also meet the perfect one for yourself but this time, this is what has happened... Goa is sometimes "non of this is real"... it was beautiful while it was but now it should not go on anymore... Nowadays I question myself a lot regarding relationships. However, more than blaming myself, I should learn from this whole experience... relationships are suppose to teach us about ourselves and yes I see a lot about myself, what has changed, what has remained the same, where I am more aware and where I still need to work on... So, like this we have to carry on with our lives. just a little note to myself...

Well... being in Mysore feels very good in spite of all this. I have been really enjoying the practice in the shala. It is full power and it is really full! First weeks, my beginning time was 8 AM and I got in almost around 8:30AM (shala time of course) then I moved down to 7:15 AM. Some people are leaving, some people are coming. Yesterday, after chakra bandhasana Sharath asked " you did Kapotasana? Monday Supta Vajrasana" so I got my first next asana since I have been back. I hope to get split before I leave because this long long practice is not working anymore, depleting and too long for a daily life... Peter also arrived last weekend. It is very nice to see him here! We had a nice conversation over the breakfast this morning... exchanging notes and ideas for the moment, for the future...

Ohh not to forget, I just finished Kumar's ayurvedic massage course this week. It was great to spent this time with my very good friend Kumar and I learned a lot from him. We were 4 people in the course and this first week was ayurvedic information and massage and the next weeks was how emotionally we get injured and massage. Now I can do a whole body massage but it is quite tiring :P I got to practice it so I get used to it.

Then, yesterday, I went to Jayashri for the first time! I really loved it! I love chanting especially after chanting with Richard. I have not chanted since our training and surprisingly the sanskrit pronunciation all came back as we chanted yesterday. After chanting, Jayashri's brother did the philosophy talk, this time he answered only questions and even though it was not very focused since it was random questions, I found him very good, very knowledgeable... Therefore, I definitely want to sign up for this 11 AM chanting-philosophy talks... I will also be helping the cafe 3 mornings a week so I guess I will be either chanting or serving at the cafe.
More to come as I ground myself more to Mysore life. Never been here in this busy time but it is all right.

Late post from a week before

This is written a week before:

Friday night we left for Mysore... but such a night it ended up being. We came back to our room at 9:00 PM, the taxi was supposed to pick us up at 9:30 PM to take us to the bus station, our bus to Bangalore was at 10:45 PM. As I picked the cover of my bag, I saw something and thought it was a spider but then I saw the curled up tail! It was a scorpion. I called Arnaud but he was at least as scared as I was and even more panicky. We tried few approaches but since we were both too freaked out, at the end we decided to call the guy who was doing the "night guard" duty. He did not speak English much and thought Arnaud was talking about a snake... I tried to describe that it is a small insect with the curled up tail, piousness... At the end, scorpion came out of where it was hiding and began running as they kicked the bag. The guy just killed it with the stick he had in his hand. He was laughing at us that we freaked out about this. I felt bad that we killed it but I had no other idea... what else we could have done since we could not be able to catch it and take it out without it biting us. If it bit us, then it would be another crises... When the scorpion event ended, we realized it was time to go but there was no taxi! I called the travel agency from which we booked it and the guy said he did not have a taxi so he called someone else and they should be on the way and I was like "what are you thinking, we have a bus to catch!" Then I began panicking because I really at this point wanted to leave this place. We went to the owners house because the night guard said they have a car and they could take us but the woman who was in charge was so stp/#@!t.... she was first asking if we paid the rest of the rent which we did to the owner, then she was saying that they will call another company and I was saying that there is no time to wait for another cab and she was saying " yeah sometimes I want to go too but I cannot..." bla bla bla.... but then we heard the taxi coming and we ran to put our stuff but I was out of mind at this point because we still had to take the scooter we rented to the travel agency and for a minute I thought that we just leave it there since they did not care to send the cab on time, they could deal with it themselves with getting their bike back. But we being we, even though we were more than 20 min late took the scooter, but the taxi did not know where the travel agency was and I was trying to explain him and Arnaud was driving behind us, we had to get to the travel agency so he can drop the bike and then he would get on the taxi afterwards. Well, at the end we managed to get there and Arnaud, angry, dropped the keys and yelled at the guy who was at the agency... the guy came out and he was, of course not concerned about us missing our bus, asking if we had paid for the bike which he had done when we went there in the afternoon to remind them that we booked a taxi to go tot the bus station at Pondichery. Anyways, the taxi driver just put his emergency lights on and drew us like crazy to the bus station. At the end, we arrived in time and we paid him almost double of the fare because he did all he can to take us on time.
Of course the story never ends... Then our bus came. We were waiting for our bags to be put under the bus but they were not paying any attention to us, so we waited and waited. At the end, A got a bit restless so he opened one of the side lids of the bus but there were batteries (something like that) of the bus not the baggage space so he closed it but the lid got out of its place slightly! It did not came out because he forced it , kicked or whatever, it was going to come out when someone opened it and that someone happened to be A. But of course the men who worked for the bus agency got all very furious and began yelling at him, and then they were trying to put it back maybe 5-6 of them and quarreling among each other. Then the bus driver came and he really got mad, and almost walk over Arnaud and began yelling that he should pay 1000 rupees. They kept trying to put It back and at this point, Arnaud was really upset... but then they managed to put it back! A apologized to the men who put it back and as we finally entered the bus, Arnaud apologized to the bus driver as well and in return, he yelled back at him that A should pay 500 rupees. Finally we began our journey and we arrived to Bangalore on time around 6-7 AM. As A went to get our bags, first they did not want to give us our bags unless he paid them 500 rupees. I did not realize all this because at this time I was trying to deal with this man who would not let me alone, he was trying to get us in his rickshaw but I just wanted to see where I was and get a bit more clear about what I will do next... I was really irritated since I just woke up and I was in the middle of all this chaotic place where buses, people, rickshaws were all over. A managed to get the bags without paying anything and when he got by me the man jumped on him since he could not manage to get through me but then I just had to yell at him in Turkish so he would leave. Then I found a guy who worked for the buses and asked him where the bus station for Mysore buses were, he told us at the other side and then this other rickshaw driver next to him said he would to take us there for the half price of all others and so we went with him. At the bus station , we were seeking for the Mysore bus, and they told us to go to the very end of the bus stand and as we were walking two men said their bus is Mysore bus and we were a bit confused, we got into the empty bus but then A heard him say Ooty and he asked are you sure this is Mysore bus and he said "yes direct" but I could not sit still so I got out and ran to the end of the bus line and all other men kept saying go to the end for Mysore buses and there was the Mysore bus almost full, ready to leave so I went back and told A to pick up our stuff. The men in that bus were "where are you going? this is Mysore..." and I was " please let us go". for sure that bus would pass by Mysore but it was totally empty and in how many hours it would be full... Well, they were trying to fill it so we were the perfect fish. The other bus, as we got into it, left for Mysore in couple of minutes. It took more than three hours to get to Mysore city and since we sat at the very back with our bags on the wheels, we did quite a lot of jumps, any kidney stones should have been eliminated after this drive. After we got out of the bus, again some men jumping on us... I just kept cool and walked out, then found a rickshaw for 50 rupees to go to Gokulam which is more than the fare but I wanted to end this trip. We stopped by Anokhi garden so I could get the keys from Flora. When she saw me she jumped with excitement, it was great to see her in her dream cafe! Everything looked so nice, they opened the front part of the house as well, and the space looked so clean and really reorganized in a tasty manner! So I got the keys to Flora's house where we were going to camp until we find a place to live...When I got back to the rickhaw, A was saying that the driver now was asking for 70 rupees because we made a stop. When we arrived to the house, I bargained with the driver and then agreed to pay 60 rupee just to get over it which is double price.... of course 10 rupee, 20 rupee is no much at all but one feels taken advantage of so many times that after a while you began this tag of war with them.... Well, maybe it is better to just let it go instead of getting so stressed out. Then I went to the chocolate shop to make sure that we were at the right place and A took the bags out. When I got back I looked at the pile of bags and then realized that A forgot one bag which I placed behind our seats... and the rickshaw was already gone. We were a bit doomed but really we should have felt blessed because in that bag there were stuff we really liked such as his blankets, his long sleeve shirt, my Japanese sweatshirt, my favorite FabIndia cotton scarf, my liquid stevia, his organic honey and jam from Auroville but nothing really crucial such as money, credit/ATM card and passport! so over and over we repeated that we lost nothing that could have hurt us.
So we entered Flora's house which is really nice, spacious, and clean and bright. We took showers and head back to their cafe for a really yummy breakfast! It was really nice, Flora's fruit salad, her homemade yogurt, the musli, the gingery pineapple coriander juice! All perfect, made with love and care!
I could not register the same day because it was Saturday and that is the only day te office is closed so the next morning I practiced at home, I was already up at 3AM with excitement and then the some day I registered. I told Sharat about my knee and he asked what happened and when I said the doctor told me that minuscis is fine but there is inflammation over the femur he said good then it will go away. My practice time is 8AM! so late, and as I got to the waiting room on Monday morning I saw maybe at least 20 other people waiting and I kind of panicked wheter I would be able to practice that morning! After half an hour wait, yes I did practiced and sweated a lot more than I have sweated for the past year...
We still did not find a place to stay,. Gokulam is super packed. But next week some people are leaving because it will be the end of a month since Sharath began teaching... of course more are coming but hopefully we will be able to get something which will become available before the new comers...
On Monday, I also began the massage course with my good friend Kumar who is a very good body worker and also transomatic dialogue therapist. We are only four people doing the course so we get lots of guidance. I enjoy it and hopefully I will learn well and keep up the practice so I can give massages at some point and make some money also as I travel.... and it is also good to learn how to touch in a right way when you are a yoga instructor.
On the other part of things, I have to admit that I have been having a bit of difficult time with being with A for 24 hours. It has been 3 weeks since we have been on 2 4hour hour schedule and it began getting on me. After so many years of alone time, being so used to be on your own, having your own plans and programs, then suddenly someone else enters the picture... not easy for this Vata woman but I wish that is is not impossible... We just have to give each other some freedom in these coming days.

Travel notes...

It has been long while again since the last time I have written. I have been moving a bit and that is why I have not written. We left Goa on January 8th with a sleeper bus to go to Hampi. It was a long, very long journey because we were on a tourist bus where the people who ran it had no respect. They stopped all the time at very bad places. At one point, we stopped at this in the middle of no where kind of restaurant place at 2AM for what reason god knows. Arnaud and I came out to stretch our legs. A was just bending forward and then I saw this car coming towards us and I looked at the parking spot which was next to us and thought they might park there... and I kept watching this car coming full speed towards A and only at the last second, I pulled him back. It stopped right in front of him and there were young (drunk?) Indian men, and the one who was driving got out and yelled at A something which I cannot remember now. I was really scared but more than being scared, I was feeling really stupid and almost passive because I kept watching the car, anticipating it to just pull towards the parking space instead of taking A and moving to the side... I was almost frozen until the last second and it could have been really late! What if as A raised his head when the car came too close and hit him on the head... all these things kept coming to my mind when we were later in the bus for many hours.

Instead of arriving to Hampi in the morning around 6-7 AM, we arrived around 1PM because of stopping for zillion of times. Just before we arrived, maybe 10 minutes before, we stopped again and at this point, Arnaud, with frustration, went to the driver to see why again we were stopping. The reason was they (people who worked for the bus company) wanted to have ice cream at this spot! But when A came to inquire, they all got into argument and the driver pulled off to continue, the bus company's name is "Island", so please avoid it if you can!...

After we arrived to Hampi and crossed the river to the other side, we began looking for a place. Of course, since we came late, it was a hassle to find a place to stay. All the guest houses were full and we did not think of making any reservations (dah!) thinking it would be easy to find something... After we found a room for Jeremy, we began searching for us... and at last, we found a nice bungalow house. It was a nice place and the people who run it were also very nice, the name of the place was Sunny Guest house if I am not wrong. Our bungalow was big enough that both of us could practice in the room in the mornings, outside there were too many mosquitoes to practice... We stayed in Hampi for about 4 and a half days... We did sight seeing, the ruins, temples, beautiful nature, rocks... So many tourists in Hampi while I was thinking that we were going to India from Goa... lots of young Israelis.. Our joke was "it seems like in Hampi it is Israelis and then us only". The amount of time we stayed was just right but then we ventured to eat out instead of the cafe of our our guest house the last couple of nights and the last place we went to did it! I ordered thali and A ordered Laffa. I looked at the thali, tasted the plain rice and then I told him I am not eating this. The rice was very old and the dhal did not look anything like dhal, vegetables were a paste, not able to tell what was in it... A ate some of his Laffa... Then we went back to the guest house to have Thali there which was quite good (we had that almost every night)... The next morning A was sick in his stomach, just the day we were going to leave Hampi.

We still left Hampi that night and before leaving, at last, we went to Mango Tree restaurant which was advised by Dorion. We could not go other nights because the boat men kept saying that the last boat is at 5PM when actually it was at 6:30PM, and the restaurant was at the other side, just by the river, really nice... Of course my poor A could not eat anything other than some bananas and I had a good thali, feeling a bit guilty since my love could not eat; he was laying down, feeling sick. Then we went to the train station to take the train to Bangalore. Katherine was also there to take the same train. A began feeling more and more sick... When we got to the train, he was first a bit agitated when he saw the small beds and realized he could not be with me and then the men who were at our section wanted to eat before opening the middle beds and A was refusing to go to top bed and telling me I should go and rest and I was just trying to control the whole situation by telling him I am totally all right to stay up until they are done and he sould go up and lay down... I guess men are much more difficult then women when they are sick :) ... At last, all was settled. The train got to Bangalore early morning. We went to bus station and took a local bus (!) to Tiruvannamalai ... The bus was totally full, with some people sitting or standing in the middle. We were the only Westerners in it but it went right to the destination with few stops, once to have short toilet break and other times to pick up passengers. It was tight space but it was all right... Of course a bit more difficult for A who was sick. Tiruvannamalai was no fun for me. We stayed in this hotel ( which was advised by someone) in the middle of industrial shops instead of staying where other Westerners stayed. We had to take a rickshaw in one day maybe 3-4 times between our hotel and this place where everything we wanted to see was ; to eat, to rest in the hotel, to see something, to eat again, to go back to hotel... Rickshaw drivers were not nice as usual, A was sick and I was not really into all this spiritual things that were in the town... I could not care less and I thought I was going nuts, I hit the point where I was panicking beyond reason, I had to get out! In my mind,I already began planning that maybe I should go back to Bangalore next morning with the first local bus and then to Mysore if A wanted to stay there. But he is so sensitive, he already felt that I was not willing to stay there more than one night. Also, I was looking to see how much it would take to take a cab to Auroville while he was sleeping but he came to see where I was instead and then asked me what I was asking to the man... So, he said okey we go next morning early, no need to take local bus, we ask for the cab and see how much it costs... At the end, we arranged a cab for 8AM to leave the town. I was very much relieved. Yet, I have to admit that the Krishna Temple in Tiruvannamalai was beautiful and very very big, I think it is the biggest Krishna Temple in the South.

We arrived to Auroville in couple of hours that morning. Our guest house in the middle of jungle, really nice. It was Pongal festival; therefore, everything was closed; the information center, the solar kitchen etc... A was still sick. We got a cab and went to Pundicherry to a nice French restaurant. He could eat at this point. But next day he was sick again and this time, he agreed to go to a doctor. The doctor prescribed him some antibiotics. He was getting better each day but then Sunday night we both got sick from our stomachs and had we both threw up... The next day I could still get up and go for yoga, A would not let me go alone, he wanted to drive me to practice. I wanted him to rest instead but it was actually good that he came because the place we thought Monica was teaching was not correct and we had to search for the place for sometime. I am sure if I were alone, I would not be able to find it. The next day, A also began coming to classes. Monica's place is really nice, beautiful. She is as a teacher very strict ashtangi, for me it is a bit too much since I have been studying with teachers like Rolf&Marci and Richard who incorporate Iyengar approach when needed. We are here until next Friday and then to Mysore. Auroville is beautiful and convenient for Westerners. There is this beautiful meditation center called Matrimandir which is a golden ball. We still could not go in yet because there is a bit of procedure to get in, watching a video, info session and then need to book 2 days a head every time when you want to go for meditation., This is for me a bit bizarre... It is good to have an orientation session before hand but needing to call 2 days in advance each time when one wants meditate makes it a bit unavailable as a mediation center... For me, it is the doll of the Auroville where you see it from outside...

Over all, I have to admit that I see a lot about myself in this journey and I get a good reality check. I say I love India but when I am faced with situations which are totally away from my Western ways, I still have hard time. It is good to be in Pune, Goa, Mysore... all these places where there are basic Western standards available and where I know my way around... but then when I am faced with new places new situations, I can freak out... and also I see myself in a relationship. This time, India trip is totally different. Showing how much I have grown up, matured up and how much more I still need to work...

Goa as it is and some more

It has been more than two weeks since I arrived to Goa. It is again not the same... I am happy to be here in Goa, happy to be with my teachers and my friends... The new shala is much better than last year in my opinion, one room, bigger and more walls to practice on. My practice has been a bit back wards in some ways since in Boulder we were not doing our usual practice and also Marci is much more precise with somethings then Richard was. For instance, downdog with bend elbows, elbows looking to the back of the room... so surya namaskars were killers the first couple of weeks... I guess little by little the strength is coming back, although monday morning Marci put a block in between my elbows during drop backs because she thinks that my arms not strong enough to stay square... sometimes it feels like it is never good enough... well with a block between the elbows I can go down only so far and then I feel like I will drop on my head. It feels like circus... can you go down with a jug on your forehead? Well enough of complaining. Since Tuesday I am beginning at 5 AM, first shift... It is good to finish earlier and sometimes it is a bit intense to be waking up so early :P

I also went to Cuckoo on Monday and also today, the Taiwanese doctor here. I have met him in Istanbul many years ago, he is a good one. I went for my knee. He said that I am confusing, that it is not the knee but my hormones. Holding too many emotions there, he said and the energy line goes through the inside of the leg and so also where I have the knee pain. They did cupping, acupuncture and then I am given a tea for cleansing, then some pills, they are lotus something, and then calcium. Also no sugar! Fruit is okey for God's sake, also good quality honey but I am not keen on honey anyways... Unfortunately no more of those Goan sweets I like which are made with jaggery and coconuts, one is pinnag, the other is dodol...

What else... there are some more happenings and also very nice people this time. Getting together for food and drinks...