Thanks...

Thank you all for your Birthday wishes. Yogamum and Clare, I can read you through RSS but I do not think I can comment on your posts anymore, but know that I keep reading your blogs and I enjoy them very much.
Yesterday I cooked all day long, all vegetarian food and mostly vegan. My and my sister’s friends came over. Not so many people since it was a week night and I still know few people here. We were eight people and it was a great night. My vegan birthday cake turned out to be heavenly! This morning I woke up at nine and did my practice. It was a good practice except the backbends, too much food at dinner do not agree with backdrops in the morning ☺ but it was birthday, so it is okey.
I am moving into my friends apartment on Sunday! Then I will begin meeting with my friend at Cihangir Yoga in the mornings to do self practice. She practices Gravity and Grace. It will be motivating to be practicing with a friend. I always feel more energetic, motivated, focused…

The 30s, here they are...

Well, here it is, I turn 30 today… I am hoping this decade will bring more clarity to my life.
I woke up at 5:45 am and did my practice. There were a lot of emotions boiling up, I burst into tears twice!? Hoping, hoping, wishing that I will be more confident now on, so that I will shed no more tears of frustration for those who can not except me as I am…
The other day, I discovered Ganesh at the FaceBook and last night I received a warm message from him. I miss Anu and Ganesh very much, ohh Anu’s food was so good.. I am already envies of all those people who are in Mysore… what to do , where to go…
Well, Happy birhtday to me! I am cooking for my own mini party... I already screwed up the Vegan ice cream :) well, hopefully other things will turn out okay...

UnDemocracy or what else?

Heyyyy! I cannot read Wordpress blogs!! I just wanted to read few Ashtangi blogs but what I came across to was this message in Turkish and English “Access to this site has been suspended in accordance with decision no: 2007/195 of T.C. Fatih 2.Civil Court of First Instance” What the f…? Now I cannot read Mindbending , Driste , Graciously , all those Word press blogs I used to read! I hate this undemocratic mentality in this country! Welcome to my world ☹ I have no clue why the hell they would block Wordpress in Turkey. One more reason why I cannot feel at home here…
Well, I was in a better mood before trying to see what is up with other bloggers I like to read…
My practice was okay this week in spite of the extreme heat. I wake up at 5:45 am before it gets hotter, but I still sweat a lot. I subbed a gentle class today, and tomorrow after teaching my gentle class, I will sub Eric’s Ashtanga Led class. I am a bit nervous about the Ashtanga class, hopefully I will not do something funny such as getting nervous during the chant and freezing or something…
Well, I feel bad that I cannot read your blogs anymore…

Second series, Schengen and Juicing...

During yesterday’s class, Eric did second series led until Pincha Payurasana, well he also had us play around with Mayurasana, and Nakrasana … Nakrasana was the scariest for me. But I realized that going up to Pincha Payurasana, was not painful as it had been for me, especially during the TT. I guess my efforts of elbows slightly open Chaturanga began paying off and so I am getting stronger ☺
After the class, I was talking to Eric and he told me that I can actually practice up to Pincha Payurasana at the moment. I, of course, protested because my heels do not come down exactly during Pasasana; however, he said that he knows many ashtanga teachers who would let me move on… Anyways, least week I practiced until Salabasana B, including it… I wonder what Nancy Gilgoff will let me do. I am still waiting for my passport to see if I go the Visa. They UPS it back to you which is kind of a pain… and just as I was writing these lines my passport came!!!! And they gave me Visa to cover my both trips, to Berlin and Italy! Yuppieee!!! Yes I am happy!!!
Okey, what else, as I was speaking of practice, I am very sore today. I don’t know if it is yesterday’s practice or the fact that it was so hot last night that I put the fan on and opened the window and probably all that on top of my sweating body was not the best. Also, I am doing a juice fast today; for this reason, I stopped my practice after Navasana . I know this is lazy of me but in this heat I get too dizzy, so I thought since also I am very sore, I can give myself a little break… uhh I feel really weak now... but it will all be good for my body, rite?

Yoga Matrix

Hey! This afternoon I got my yoga goodies that I have ordered from Amazon! I was afraid they would not make it to their destination since that has been the pattern for my orders from the US Amazon, but this time I worked hard on them, kept sending the determined energy for them making it home and it worked! And I was so excited, I don’t remember squeaking like that for a long time when I opened the already opened package (I guess Turkish customs opens the packages… or some curious postman who did not like what I gotten)! I have gotten Yoga Matrix: The Body As a Gateway to Freedom CD collection by Richard Freeman and Moola Bandha: The Master Key by Swami Buddhananda. I have already listened to the first CD of the Yoga Matrix, it consists of 6 CDs, and I loved it. I cannot wait to listen to the others! Richard Freeman's perception is very immense. I actually felt a great relief when I heard him say that when one comes across a paradox between this and that style, then the yoga begins working, so do not give up!... this had been my situation lately...

Ups and downs, and a lazy blogger...

I am being very lazy about blogging. I don’t know why? I have so much to write about actually… I have been going through ups and downs… I learned that my house will not be ready by the end of the year, so I began panicking and making many travel plans to avoid being cramped in my parent’s house longer… Then I decided to sublet a friend’s house who has a nice place in a nice area, but still keeping the travel plans, maybe not staying for 6 months in India but couple of months or so :)
How is practice? I feel like my practice kind of sucks. I am not getting any stronger, so I asked about this to Eric and he told me that I need to separate my elbows from my torso a bit during chaturangas... I was kind of taking strength by resting on my arms, I had no idea I was cheating... so I began practicing by separating my elbow, but it is so difficult, as if I am just a beginner... My shoulders, my arms, they are all sore… Now, my initial opinion of Mysore classes became a reality! I guess I mentioned this before, in the beginning I had no idea what Mysore classes meant, and I thought those classes in the schedule at Yoga Place were for people who were sore or injured… silly me… anyway… Therefore, my practice is given me hard time. Ohhh, I guess it is trying to tell me something, such as I need to do much more hard work to get where I want to...
Teaching is not going bad. There are few people who enjoy my teaching quite a lot. Actually, they are those three people whom I thought they were a bit awkward… See, you never know who will embrace you, or I never know... But the thing is they cannot believe I practice ashtanga, because I teach them a gentle class, I guess more of a Tias way. Does this mean that I am not being true to my own practice? I always go over what I am teaching that day… but what I question is, is it treachery to teach something else while owning another practice??? Well, maybe the adjustment clinic workshop with Nancy Gilgoff, which I will hopefully go to in September will help me. Yes, I applied for my visa to Germany yesterday and I feel that they will give me the Visa. God, they are though on us Turks… I got really frustrated and stressed about this Schengen Visa. They ask for so many things from one for a Visa while my sister, who was born in the US, does not need to do anything, she can just pick up and go wherever she wants to in Europe. Such discrimination… I actually had two missing documents, for one they made me go and get inhabitants document for my whole family from a Government office which was thankfully not so far. But why do they need such a thing about my whole family for a Visa I have no idea… The other thing was that the invitation letter from the yoga studio in Berlin was not valid; they were suppose to get a document from a Police Station in Germany… but the lady who was looking at my documents were nice enough to accept the letter that they have faxed from the studio… So, now I am waiting for my passport and then I can get my ticket for the flight to Berlin! If I do not get a visa, I will be only pissed for the 60 Euros, which they have taken for Visa fee, otherwise it means I was not meant to go to this workshop. But if I go, I hope to get as much as I can from Nancy. I hope it will set me straight at least regarding my own practice, especially after the TT, which confused me. I seem to be getting over that confusion though…
I am also planning to go to Italy at the end of October to do an Osho therapy group, Primal , so my sister will stop telling me that I should do that group every other day! I hope it will benefit me more than just getting my sister off my back because soon enough, she will be telling me to do something else like a mantra, it will not be a long term relief, thus I better get something more from doing this. ☺ .
Actually, beside all this sarcasm, I am sure this group will be very helpful for me. I decided that I should do it last January, when I was in Pune after doing Alchemy of Breath group. Ohh I cannot wait to go back to Pune! Hopefully after all these, around end of November, I will get myself to India!!!

Ida Mountain

Last Monday, my sister, me and some friends, we all went to Ida mountain by Canakkale. I went up to mountain with few friends, my sister and others stayed down by the camping area. Initially, I was going to stay down as well but Defne, who is another yoga chick, convinced me to go up. The first night we stayed at the peak of the mountain, which was extremely windy. I hardly slept; still, with the sunrise, we woke up for practice! It was windy but it was not as cold as the night, so we could practice. I did my ashtanga practice, while Defne and Yasemin did another style which is called Gravity and Grace. Then we packed our tents and went for a long hike. It took longer than 3 hours probably and my Converses killed my feet, so I recommend not hiking with them! Where our hike ended, there was a small creek where we had our lunch and then we went into the extremely cold water! It was so great! I don’t think I could go into such cold water some years ago but I guess I am stronger now, so it was not so difficult to dip in and of course there was the fact that I did not have any other shower option ☺ . Afterwards, we went to our next camping area in the woods, which was not windy; therefore, the tent was not sticking to my head at night and I had a nice sleep. The next day after practice and breakfast, I took the lazy way and stayed in the camping area, reading and laying around. That was a great choice! In the afternoon, I did two small walks and then me and Yasemin took a shower with our bikinis by this spring which was 100 meters away from our camping area. The water was even colder since it was originating right there. We used a water bottle and my Mysore sandalwood soap to have our shower. The last day, I did a shorter practice, and after breakfast we packed and got back down. It was very nice to practice in the nature. Of course, having a bumpy, rocky ground is not optimal, however, energetically, it is really something else, especially compare to practicing at home amongst furniture. Also, it is so nice to sit before and after practice and listen to the nature. This mini vacation was really nice. All that cold water which we could also drink…
Now I am back to the city… It is hot and sticky. I taught a class yesterday which was a bit strange. Three people showed up, a daughter and a mother and their acquaintance. Before the class, the young girl interrogated me by asking my history of training, whether I was trained here, in Turkey or abroad, etc… Anyway, then I wanted to chant Om at the beginning of the class, this wthen the mother began laughing, which did not really bother me. I don’t expect everyone to enjoy it. But I guess she felt bad, so she apologized after class. Then the other lady had a back injury, which kind of made me anxious. But over all, at the end, they all seemed pleased with the class. That is what matters the most. My only concern is I get different people in every class, I wish same people would show up so I could help them move on with their practice. Hopefully it will happen slowly.

Saturn...

I had my astro reading on Thursday and it was like a blow. Yes, he told me lots of good stuff as well but the main theme was the confusion which I am born into and that I am exactly in that same spot now due to my Saturn return, which actually does not end this month but ends in July 2008!!! He said the toughest part is over but the whole effect will end next year ☹ He told me that I need to make decision about what I want to do, where I want to live, all that… I panic now. I panic because I do not feel comfortable or confident with any of the decisions or I do not know how to make it a reality if I do make a certain decision… I know it all sounds confusing and heavy…well, this is the state of my being now, which I have to get out. He said that there is a lot of magic in my chart that is not activated and that I am acting like a pisces (moon in pisces) going with the flow instead of focusing. So, now I am panicking. I am panicking because if I do not get going it will get more difficult, I am panicking because I am afraid that I will make the wrong decision, etc…
Is there anyone else who panics after having an astrological reading and who gets depressed after a TT? Why am I unique in weirdest ways? I have to change my thinking patterns… Seriously… they certainly do not serve me.
By the way, practice is fine but I guess, the practice that I have to work on is in some other area than the one that I do at 6 am... It is to figure out how to prove myself to Saturn, to focus, to figure out who I am...

Looking better, feeling better...

This week has been treating my moods better than last week. Actually I guess it got all better by Friday last week. I thought my first class and I could see the tremendous difference in my teaching! It was very mood lifting, yeah! And then I thought Sunday’s gentle class and yes it went all good again! Hah, showed me that all TT was something more than confusing me in other ways such as what to practice, how to practice, all the noise in my head... Then during the led class with Eric, towards the end he divided the class in to two and had others go to finishing postures after Mari B while he had us continue until the end, and had me and this other girl practice until Parsva Dhanurasana and then he tried help me getting into back bends from hand stands again. This time was not as bad as the first time, I was not as disoriented, there was a bit more coordination on my part, but still did not get it ☺.
This week has been okey This morning I could n ot get up at 6am, I don’t know because I was lazy?! I got up at 7am and so I could only practice until Bhuja Pindasana because I had to be at the ghetto shala before 11 am to teach my non existing students over there. Yes, unfortunately, no one seems to come there at the moment. But then my other teacher friend, Demet, came and we did a Tias practice together. It was fun, I really enjoyed sharing what I learned. Then she took me to this only vegan place in Istanbul.
I will have my astro reading on Friday by this famous astologist, Gahl. I can hardly wait!

All sorts of crises...

I realize it seems like I am always in some sort of crises but the reality is that I seem to be forgetting to write when I am in a good mood.
So, I came back from mountaintop of Santa Fe. Couple of days after I got back, I went to the south of Turkey, to the beach for 5 days with my sister. We were at this quiet, no frills, very simple place where they have wooden huts and tents that you can rent out. I woke up every morning at 6am to practice with another friend who did her own practice. The sun would just rise as we began our practice. Except biting ants, it was lovely! Also, I met very nice people…
Still, this little holiday did not make the transition to real life much easier, or maybe it did and I am not realizing, maybe it would be even worse. My friend from the training, Stephanie, was telling me that she was having trouble settling back and I was wondering what she was meaning… Yes, I was really curious and now I see for myself… But the thing is that my Saturn return just finished today! Yesterday was the last day of it according to astro.com and ain’t it suppose to get better? I was suppose to be depressed during Saturn return, not after! But I began crying last night and then today I could not even wake up for my practice and then after waking up I cried more and more. I just realize there are not much people here that I connect with. Even the few who seems to have something in common with me, now seems to have nothing in common. I just cannot have a true, heart to heart conversation with someone. For instance, when I try to share something from my practice such as having hard time with something, the response is “ohh I do it in every practice” while when the same person tells me about some asana she/he has trouble with, I try to encourage and try to give examples from my own experience… I try to be encouraging while they make me feel like crap. Then I just don’t understand how people get excited about just anyone, anything, they have no focus! I say I will go to Nancy Gilgoff workshop and they say “ohh I will come too, I should” when, just a minute ago, they were telling me that they think ashtanga is probably not a practice for them!?!? I just have to turn my switch off. I seem to be taking things too seriously...
I am having crises of faith as my astrology reading would say. I am having crises of style of practice, crises of not having enough energy, but most importantly crises of not having my teacher! I feel so much need for my teacherat the moment, and I mean Cary when I say my teacher. Sincerely, she still is the only teacher I can call as “my teacher”. And today I did not wake up to practice, and then I felt guilty of not practicing but then I resisted the urge to practice in midday and I insist to go on this day without practice, I had to suffer this day through, leaving my lonely mat laying on the floor. In the afternoon, I suddenly decided to call Cary. And I was lucky to reach her and we talked for the first time after I left Mysore, we talked more than 50 minutes. It was sooo good talking to her! I felt aligned. At last, I felt that someone can relate to me, someone knows where I am coming from and someone can tell me how to make sense out of all this. And this day, I decided that my practice was, is and will be ashtanga practice. This is the practice that makes sense to me, it is the practice where I truly learn what I am doing, where I observe myself, my heart, my mind, my body. People find it difficult, people say you injure yourself in ashtanga but I find it otherwise. One moves on as their time comes, you go step by step, when you are ready. Now, with all these other things, I find myself worrying, sweating about Pincha-Mayurasana but why? I am not there yet… I do not want to worry about Pincha-Mayurasana before I reach to it! I just got to second series, and there are so many other asanas before that or this and I have no teacher to lead me through it but I will lead myself as much as I can, this is the circumstance I am in and I have to handle it! I was lucky to go to a good teacher training, now I can lead my own practice and also work on my teaching… I will not be teaching ashtanga most of the time but my practice will be ashtanga even if that means practicing twice a day so I can prepare for my class in the second one… This is it, so I reveal!
One good thing is that I met this wonderful person two days ago. I used to know her just a little from years back, she was my sister’s friend, and then she left for Thailand and there she got into yoga... She had been working on her practice for some years now… So, we met the other day. It was as if I met a new person and I did not realize how the time passed, it was very peaceful. I experienced someone who understands what is yoga about, someone who has some kind of depth, and truth. Now, she has gone to Europe until the end of the month… But this proves that there are some people out there! Some hope. I truly need to find my community here. I know there should be some people somewhere in this city where no one criticizes each other’s practice and respect and support each other’s path!

Explosion of the ashtangi

Here I am in Sante Fe at teacher training. We began the second level yesterday. I kind of knew this second week would be challenging, at least astrologically for me, but I was not expecting the explosion I had this morning. In the mornings, we have meditation with this lady. So I went to the temple at 5am to practice and some other people also came in afterward to do their own practice before the day begins... then, the meditation session began. we did some exercises, then she was talking with her overly sympathetic style and she said "If you are an ashtangi girl and you are doing the same practice
everyday, you are not honoring your body. you do not have a good practice" I was first "okey don't take it personally..." then this other person who came from Washington State to assist T also said something, which I could not listen fully anymore but it was something like: if you are practicing ashtanga primary series just for the sake of practicing without modifying and he went on blablablabla... so after all this I started tearing up, still I tried to contain myself and then we had a silent breakfast... but at the end, I could not hold myself and went to the lady who is manager of the training and told her that I need to talk to someone about the meditation session, I just had to tell someone that I cannot stand it if these criticism will pop up all the time! but then I began crying hysterically. I guess I was really hurt... The manager was surprised that meditation lady would say something like this especially since she does not practice any yoga and both T and S have backgrounds in ashtanga. I was upset because I came here with an open heart and mind, and in spite of ashtanga being my love... I am open minded enough but I think, at this stage, I am not ready to take any shallow criticism about our practice, especially in this form. Then, later on, the meditation lady came to me and tearing up, she apologized from me. She said “I am sorry I did not know you were a strong ashtanga practicioner and I honor you practice and Pattabhi Jois”!!!. Later, S told me to take what others say as a grain of rice and listen to my own heart. She understands me because she used to be so in love with her ashtanga practice too... and T never talks badly about ashtanga, he has his own way now but he is sensitive about how he talks about what he believes, what he prefers...
I never criticize anyone’s yoga, it is all beautiful to me… It is a very personal practice and for me, there is no place for judgments…
So I guess I stirred up some stuff here and some stuff was stirred up in me… and the theme of this week was stirring the ocean, water, fire, transformation… is it all related I wonder, what happened and all… I guess one reason for my sensitivity is also because we are in second week of our training and it is getting deeper and I am getting more sensitive…

NYC and my 8 random facts...

Here I am in NY before my TT. I arrived on Thursday, at noon. I love this city so much!!!! I missed it a lot. Now I stay at an unfamiliar part of the city, at 60s east side. So, I make daily trips to lower east side, eastvillage…. Ohh, I know someday I will again live here, maybe than forever. I went to Yogasutra on Friday for practice…. But I think my next time will be at Guy’s shala … the reason is that I think I will like it much better. I know Guy from Mysore, and I guess it will be better to practice where there is a familiar face… and to be honest, I had some weird first impression at Yogasutra … beginning with the reception lady who first told me that the first class is free, (which I was not expecting, I was already handing her money) and then she told me that I get some percent of from the first package I will buy… after this last bit, I told her I am in town for a week, so I will not be buying any packages and she suddenly changed and snapped at me saying “but you have written down a New York address at your [new student] form” so, I said I am staying with a friend (yeah what is the big deal? would I say I am staying for a week if I were trying to pull a trick???) and then she said “sorry, then you have to pay!”, so I sheepishly paid. I understand that they may not offer first class free if you are not potential permanent student but then is there any way of ensuring that in any case? However, the think that turned me off was not having a free class or not, but it was the the way she began talking to me in the middle of the conversation, she was suddenly very rude. So, I thought uhh what a great way to being my practice. I guess it was premature of me to think after finally finding the shala, “ohh I can relax and start over the day with a better start, here I am in a yoga studio” I thought that it can be a cure to my hectic beginning of the day which commenced with me figuring out at 6 am that I have lost my weekly metro card after using it only one day, so taking a cab to the shala (since nowhere is open at that time to sell metrocards and I was not close to a metro station) and after getting of the cab, wondering around 5th Avenue for 15 minutes, trying to find the shala, asking street venders if they know yoga sutra, a yoga studio around there… anyways… I think I am always better off at lower east side of this city anyhow…
Yesterday, I practiced at home. My friend’s apartment has a beautiful view of the river, so it was very nice until after I took my shower and figured that my friend’s cat, Negrito, peed in my suitcase!!! That was a bit upsetting, so I washed my stuff but the litter odor is still in my bag after spraying it with so much of Lysol… do you think I can get a suitcase dried cleaned? what else I can do to get it smell free?
By the way, I am not finding any Manduka mats or any other mat I like, here in NY. According to Manduka’s website , there are many retailers which carry it, but I called most of those yoga studios and they don’t have it. Everyone seems to have harmony mats, which I don’t particularly like…


So, finally here is my 8 random facts but I am not tagging anyone… enjoy them...


My mom kept telling me to do yoga when I was doing my first MA degree in NY, but I kept telling her back that it wasn’t for me!!! By the way, she was not doing yoga but she just felt that it was the thing for me! Moms know some stuff….

My favorite food is ice cream, well, now it is tofutti but I like to have it at home so I can add things on it like cookie, chocolate, nut pieces…

When I was young, I once locked my sneakers into the safe they had in a hotel room but then I forgot the password. For some reason, my parents did not bother to inform the hotel service and get it opened, maybe to punish me? So, my shoes got stuck in there.

My friends cat peed in my suitcase, and I still have a month to go with the same suitcase! (it will probably a whole different story after it is all hopefully worked out in some way)

When I began living in NYC, the first time I hated it, it was too much, too much of everything… now it is my favorite city. Where else you can walk out at 4am in the morning and find people walking around and the Koreans at the corner open so you can get a medicine for your headache?

I used to be a tall and fat kid.

I love coffee very much; it is the only addiction I don’t really want to give up as long as my stomach doesn’t give up from the acid.

When I saw Mysore classes in the schedule of Yoga Place the first time, I thought it was a class for people who were sore or something!!!! ☺ silly me.

need help with my next yoga mat!

Ok, I have been practicing with my cheap, old, falling apart sticky mat for a long time. But I am not planning to take that poor thing with me to my teacher training… so I will need to get a new, good quality mat as soon as I arrive to New York City. However, I don’t really know which mats are the better ones and where I can fin them in NYC. Any suggestions will be appreciated very much!

Afterthoughts, subjective, objective...

I think it is time to look back to the past few workshops I have been and to be more honest, instead of trying to be uncritical, about what I think about these rather famous yoga teachers… The first ones were Jivamukti creaters, David Life and Sharon Gannon. Maybe it is because I don’t get them, but I don’t thing I would do another workshop by them. I don’t really enjoy these other vinyasa styles which are made up later on by modifying the core… I have my vinyasa practice which is ashtanga vinyasa… and any other feels incomplete, or sometimes like an aerobics class…” I don’t want to be overly critical, and I believe that with good intention, these teachers also try to bring awareness to people about the spiritual side of practicing yoga, but maybe it is better to leave discovering those things to people themselves… I was not a vegetarian when I began getting so serious about my practice, and I was drinking heavily sometimes and I was even smoking here and there… but suddenly I stopped eating meat and slowly I wanted to drink less and with that, of course I slowly stopped smoking. They all came to me without my teacher imposing anything on me. It was just time to stop eating meat especially since I did not enjoy it so much and ate it to not upset my family. Then I realized it was not worth drinking so much when I feel that I don’t want to live next day because of the horrible hangover I get and also I wanted to be able to get up at 6am and go to my practice rather than feeling physically horrible. The smoking, I already knew how bad it was for me, I just had to stop. So, I believe that you can show the door to someone but you cannot force them through it. I assume those people, who were in the Jivamukti workshop, either discovered yoga by themselves, or maybe a friend introduced them to a yoga class and from there, they picked it up themselves with their own free will and continued. So just like that, the other parts will fall in or maybe they will not but I find it pushy when teachers began arguing with students about vegetarianism or the right path, etc… let them live their journey and have a respect for their journey. Yes, during the workshop, from time to time, there were discussions, which turned out to be uncomfortable at one point due to these issues…
With Manju… I really enjoyed him as a person. But I think the next time when he is here for a week, I will only join his workshop for couple of days because I already do the practice and I don’t enjoy to have led classes everyday… I believe that, as in Mysore, it is enough to have two led classes per week, then it should be my self practice where I will have a bit more time to struggle with some asanas or go further with others… during the workshop, we did no backdrops except the last two practices which were self practice… things like that sometimes frustrates me because some days I feel so open but I miss that because of such a led class… and when it is only led class, it is Manju counting… not much learning in that for me… maybe there is for others who don’t know the count, where to breath etc… Okey, am I being horrible? Well before that I have to reflect on one another…
With Tias Little… I have to admit that was real learning experience for me! That is what I expect from a “workshop”. He really contributed something to my practice, and I don’t mean that others did not but I picked some kind of understanding, more awareness from him which I cannot tell about others. For the first time, I experienced the asanas so deeply, as if they have penetrated my soul… Therefore, I realized there is so much more to discover for me yet…

Training preview...

Last weekend, beginning from Friday, was totally amazing for me. Yes, it was Tias Little workshop! One cannot imagine how I feel. I made this decision about a month ago, going to Tias Little’s Teacher Training without really knowing him… but from what I gathered through reading about him, combined with what I heard about him from other people and my gut feeling, I decided that this would be the appropriate training for me. And thanks all, for the first time, I listened to my instincts and made the right decision! I enjoy his teaching very much. Yes, Tias’ approach absolutely leans more toward Iyengar, and to my surprise, I really liked practicing in such deep level. It was the first time I felt asanas so deeply and I am still hangover from the experience… I believe this is what I need to become a good teacher, to really feel the asanas in such deep, intense level and learn the mechanics of them. Also, Tias adds a Buddhist essence to the whole practice, which agrees with me really well. So, I am very enthusiastic about next month; I can hardly wait…
The other thing that I have been occupied since the beginning of this week is the “new policy” of our shala. We, the teachers, were able to join each other’s classes for free but now they changed this. They require us to buy class packages! Now, we, the ones who are dissapointed with this new policy, are raising our voice. For me, forget accepting $ from another teacher who works at the same shala with me; it is an honor for me if a teacher would like to join my classes… I hope we will solve this problem peacefully…
Namaste.

Practice and teachers...

I practiced with Manju for a week while he was here. In the beginning, I was a bit bumped because all we were doing were led classes and I do not enjoy them as much as self practice naturally… But then I began feeling the intensity of practicing with him in my body… and later, the last two days of the workshop, we did Mysore classes, which were good… Manju is very relaxed and easy going person. I enjoyed his presence, his aura of contentment… He seems to like Istanbul a lot and he will be back in September. I am happy to meet him and for having the opportunity to practice with him. It was funny to see how Eric was next to his teacher, like a little, very excited kid. I guess most of us get like that when we are with our favorite teacher. I am still very fond of my first teacher, Cary, and I regard her to be my primary teacher although I am not in touch with her anymore. She helped my practice to advance so much and initiated me to teach, that I cannot thank her enough…
Today is the big day for me! I will meet Tias Little whose teacher training I am planning to do… He is giving a three-day workshop in Istanbul at Cihangir yoga. I hope it will be all well.
I feel lucky for having the opportunity to meet with all these teachers but I feel the lack of Mysore classes in Istanbul. I miss going to a shala every morning and practicing with other people before the day begins... and having the guidance of the same teacher every morning for the progress of my practice... but maybe universe is pushing me to be my own teacher, pushing me to realize that I am eligible to be my own teacher hereafter… or I am just unlucky for not having any place which offers Mysore classes… whichever I choose to believe in I guess..
I am also trying to figure out where I should practice during the 6 days I will stay in NYC. If anyone has any suggestions, I will appreciate!

be present...

Ohh I am so anxious, so excited, so and so and so… about this summer. I cannot wait for the end of May, then I will be going for my teaching training and then to Afroz Osho center!! But what is wrong with me, why cannot I be in the present, why is this need for jumping forward, what is wrong with present day? I am in no good mood today and I know it is all in my head. I am constantly hungry, sleepy, and headachy. Manju Jois coming next week. It will be a tiring week, not that the practice will be any different for me, probably would be much better but it will be always in the evening. That is what puts me in this mood actually. I need my practice in the morning like I need my coffee in the morning. I know they are not perfectly similar but that is what it is. Today I am going to Eric’s led class which begins at 7:30 pm so this is the reason why I am not aligned… I keep nagging Eric about Mysore classes and he says he would like but Can would not (the owner of the shala) because of financial reasons. Maybe he just says this to shut me up because Eric is no early riser for a fact, so that might be another reason for lack of Mysore classes…
Today the new shala began operation, its name is YogaIst, (I call it the ghetto yoga shala) it is still part of yoga shala but also it is separate somehow… Well, more old school shala meaning square room, no shower, no receptionist, teacher handles everything. I teach on Sundays at 11 over there. It is located in Galata, which is nice old part of Istanbul…
This is it from me for today since I am no fun… still need to learn to be present and accept things as they are. Everything is as it should be in the universe, right?

Issues or practice?

This week, in addition to my own classes, I also taught Eric’s two basic ashtanga classes. I like teaching but it is also like practice, not the same every time. So, some days it goes really well, I feel like the class is in harmony, but some days it feels like something is off… On Tuesday morning, it was the first time I was teaching Eric’s class so I was a bit nervous even tough it is much easier to teach ashtanga since most people already know what asana comes next… I was nervous because people who came to that class met me for the first time and they were kind of “himmm, who is this?” Then, one of them thought I was a foreigner, and spoke to me in English until I replied to her in Turkish. Sometimes, I think that a lot of people here trust foreigners to be expertise in whatever they do more than our own nationals, which is kind of sad. This is the same in everything not just in yoga, which is just flowering in Turkey. My sister would come across the same problem in photography, someone would get all the jobs just because he was an American… but you know what, I really want to be a good teacher, and I will become one. no need to consider my nationality, especially since I do not give a damn about having one… I believe in being a world citizen! Where this all came from now? Sometimes I wander off a bit too much…
On Thursday evening, a guy who usually comes for the gentle class joined my class. He had such hard time during down dogs I felt really anxious. I kept saying “please go to child pose if you are getting too tired”… I donnu what else I could have suggested. I guess I have to learn not to feel so bad when someone is having hard time. It is a process, right? I used to have hard times with some of the asanas which are no problem for me now, and I have hard time with some others now i.e. Bakasana , which will eventually be no problem at one point…
Yesterday, I was telling mom that Sharon Gannon told us during the workshop that if one has problems with Vrksasana (tree pose) or Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana or any standing balance asanas, that indicates that they have unresolved issues with their parents. Of course, mom went on to say “ I don’t understand you (meaning me and my sister), you always have a problem with us, other people’s kids, bla bla bla…” I really cannot stand sentences with OTHER PEOPLE’S KIDS. It is just ridiculous and uckily, I never remember saying “other people’s parents…” But Sharon was talking to the whole class which consisted from 30 people not only me. Anyways, the curious thing for me is I have no problem with Utthita Hsstga Pdangusthasana anymore (yes, I used to have before) since I do it everyday but when I am asked to do another kind of standing balance then I have a problem… so what does this tell? Is it really issues with parents or just practicing the same asana regularly?

Happenings in Istanbul

So I have been away from writing for a while and it is time to share a bit… I began teaching and it is getting better. The first two classes, I was nervous… but then I began relaxing with the third and it began getting better. I even have regular students, so I enjoy it… By the way, I use my sanyas name which I have taken while in Osho ashram, it is Maya, well Deva Maya is my full sanyas name…
On the other hand, Eric had his ashtanga foundation course. We (me and some toher teacher’s from Yoga Sala ) all participated and it was fun and I think I became more aware of bandhas. There were also two of Eric’s friends from the US, Josh and Jeane, who came for the workshop. They were very nice people and I think Jeane will come back as a visiting teacher! Right after Eric’s course, David Life and Sharon Gannon came for a workhop at Cihangir Yoga .. It was really great to have them. This was my first time doing Jivamukti Yoga and I enjoyed it; though, I still like ashtanga practice better. What I enjoyed was the freedom to explore asanas that I have not reached yet and the preps that David and Sharon made us do before hand. I also liked their emphasis on the spiritual side of the practice; actually, probably that was the best thing I received from 4 days I spent with them. I guess one tends to forget why we do what we do with our bodies and I was very happy to be reminded of that. This used to be a big part of my practice in the beginning, while I was in London, but I somehow wandered away from it… I think it happened in Mysore (strangely enough!). So, I am grateful to David and Sharon for reminding me why initially I got into yoga so deeply! I have to mention the strangest moment for me during their workhop. Sharon came to me during Virabatrasana A , pulled my hands and told me that I loose the connection between my hands and my heart and that is why I keep saying things over and over but no one hears me, that I do not have my heart in what I say… She said Virabatrasana A helps with this. I wonder if that is the case, I mean with me, not with Virabatrasana A helping with it.
The other thing is I am planning to do a teacher training. It seems like I will do a training with Tias Little . I also considered Donna Farhi ; however, her training was already full. I got into their wait list but then Tias Little’s (my second choice) training had only 2-3 spaces left, so not to miss all my opportunities, I signed up for his training. Now, I got an email from Donna Farhi training, saying that they have an opening! What to do? I guess I will stick with Tias Little. If anyone have any suggestions…
Eric is gone to NY for ten days, so I will also take over two of his ashtanga basic classes while he is away. This is all for now.

some good news

Actually I am not that fierce usually. But I can be some of the times… and then, my trust to this space, sharing my feelings, experiences all that is somehow diminished but I will try to keep it up for a bit more (I do not know if it matters for anyone)...
Anyways… what about practice? It is going okey. Besides practicing by myself at home, I am going to Eric’s classes and I also tried out another class by another teacher which was not ashtanga… but I really fee like I need to move onto second series but Eric does led classes and it is usually primary series because most of the people are at that level… so how to move on, I d o not know. Can I do it by myself? Is that legit?
okey, here is the news, well big news. Eric asked me to teach! They are opening a new shala, which will be more old school, less luxurious (meaning no showers, towels…) but at the same time some of the teachers are leaving… so he needs more teachers… and when he mentioned the new shala, I blurted out jokingly if he needed a teacher and he said “yes, do you want to teach?” I was shocked and yes I was really shocked because a minute ago I was thinking that there is no way they would take me as a teacher here, even if I do Eric’s teacher training… So I will begin in mid march and now I am practicing on mom at home! She is amazing me lately because she’s going to yoga classes, what, 4 times a week? Last week she did so! For a 59 year old lady I find this pretty amazing! Okay, she is not doing ashtanga but she is moving up from gentle to intermediate classes. Yesterday, I give her my first class and it was good because I do not really know how to describe some of the things in Turkish given that I learned yoga in English, so she is helping me out with the speaking since she attends both Turkish speaking and English speaking teachers classes…
Coming Saturday, Eric’s Ashtanga Foundation course will begin. He told me that I do not need to take it at first but then he said that it might be helpful for me since I will begin teaching… wish me good luck if anything…

Not Interested!

Don't try to post long comments on my Blog, Zee! You once wrote me you would not bother me again but I see you cannot resist. I am not interested in your long quotes, I am not interested in what you think! because you are annoying me and I find you unrespectful. You cannot, becasue I will not allow, invade my space. Get yourself a blog!

Back home

So I made it home back to Istanbul. I was excited to be back. The air feels fresher, and the streets are not hectic… It was time to get back. I considered staying in Pune longer with my sister but then I knew it was time for me to head back and I was correct. Yes, I should listen to my gut feeling more often.
I went to Yoga Sala on Thursday. Eric was having an open class. He was happy to see me. I told him about my journey, what I experienced in Mysore then in Pune, the swollen right ankle from being too dynamic, how I fell out of love with my practice and then got back to it… He is doing a workshop in March which I will participate to and then in April Manju Jois is coming! So much began happening here in Istanbul regarding yoga; I am very excited. Also, it seems like I am having better bonding with Eric and he is becoming my teacher.
With practice… coming up from backdrops is getting more and more comfortable. Today we had an ashtanga class and Eric made us do some of the second series. I enjoyed trying something unfamiliar. I began needing some challenge, so today fed me well.

What about practice?

I forgot to talk about practice while writing about all these other new experiences I am having. I actually had fallen out of love with practice for a while and then it began coming back again. I discovered that the yoga teacher here has begun teaching ashtanga so I started to participate in her morning classes after dynamic meditation. Okay, it was slower and gentler than what we are all used to but it suited well with me at the moment, I was really bored of practicing alone, was craving the group energy. But then she left, so no more yoga classes. However, this helped me to regain the habit of going to Buddha Grove after meditation and do my practice. The weather became warm again, no more frozen toes so it is perfect. Also, I love practicing while they are doing Gurdjief movements because I love the music they play, it is the piano playing this very simple tune, very lovely, reminding me of childhood… Another thing which came along with the yoga teacher quitting is people began coming to me and telling me that I should teach. Actually, just this morning a woman came and asked me what is it that I do in the mornings. Then she told me that it looks beautiful and asked me if I could teach her!

From Alchemy of Breath to Death Celebration

I have been very neglecting my blog… but not because of having nothing interesting to write… In the middle of the month, I did a breath group called “Alchemy of Breath”. It was quite unexpected, surprising, beautiful, painful…. With breath one goes from the physical body to emotional body and then all these informations, feelings, experiences we had in our lives come up. Some of them we do not remember but our body stores them all, amazing... Yes, there is definitely alchemy to breath… It was a five day group. We did all sorts of fun exercises before the breath sessions to prepare our body, to open our body to breath such as bio-energy exercises, dancing etc… I had so much energy during those 5 days. In spite of waking up at 5:30 am to go to dynamic meditation and then doing all these vigorous exercises and breath sessions and then Kundalini meditation, I would be dancing like mad during evening meetings. It was explosive energy! After the group I had a great sense of opening but of course it does not last as it is initially… but great to experience it.
Then ,last week we had Death Celebration! I had no clue what it was and my sister hold me from my hand and took me to the auditorium. There was live music and people were dancing, more people than I have seen in many meditations! Then I realized they were dancing in a circle and so I realized that the dead person was in the middle! I was shocked, frozen and my sister was holding my hand to make me feel that it is all right. After a while I began dancing as well. Then the body is taken outside, drums being played, people clapping, dancing, celebrating and we took the body by the river. The whole street was full of sanyasins in maroon robes. By the river the drums were mad playing and people were dancing. An old
Indian man came, wanting to pass by the crowd, he turned to me and said with a smile “ She is my wife” and then he went by the body. They covered the body with woods and light the fire. So we all danced to the burning of the body. It was a beautiful way of sending someone away… After the celebration, one has to take a shower and also wash all the close they were wearing during the burning, so we did accordingly. This morning there was another dead celebration as well for another old Indian lady who passed away last night. I only went to the dancing in the auditorium part because I had an appointment. These experiences all feel tranformative… I think I will extend my stay here, instead of leaving on February 10….

New Year in Pune...

So we entered the New Year in Pune. Actually, it was lovely. I was in the Osho resort, dancing in the New Year’s party all night long. I really enjoyed myself; I was very relaxed… Few days later, I and my sister went to Goa for five days. We stayed in Kandolim. It was all right but too mellow for us. Yes, the beach and the ocean can be very relaxing but also we are kind of spoiled by the beaches in Turkey so it was not as special for us as for other people… I guess if stayed in Arombole instead, it could be more fun, ohh well... The good thing was that we met my sister’s mentors there and they are lovely people. We had the privilege to spend quality time with them! Once they arrive to the Osho resort, there will not be such many opportunities since many people will be trying to hang out with them, so that was good… Also missing Pune, I mean not the pollution but the resort was good, I came back with a high spirit.
As for the practice, I could not practice while in Goa because our room was small, not really much space for practice and I did not enjoy practicing in the beach, facing dog shit etc. on the sand while at Chaturanga… but yesterday I began practice by the pool, here in the resort. I miss practicing so it feels good but I also miss practicing with other people… ohh well there is more time until that… On the other hand, I am thinking of doing a breath group called “Alchemy of breath”, it might be interesting…

All is going well

I am not writing much here becasue I don't have much time. It is good to have not much time to write when there is nothing "serious" that I am doing... without obligations I have not much time.
Painting is going well. This is not your regular painting class. WE all sorts of things, such as dancing, painting on each others paintings and sharing how it felt to have your painting to be ruined (or not)what blocks our creativity, more importantly what is creativity. sometimes it can be too much but it is good for me to explore these issues.
Funny ha! coming to India to practice yoga and ending up painting. But I guess this is the way universe is responding to my wish that I made last summer. I wished to have/create a job which I will enjoy and be creative with and which will allow me to have the life style that suits me (not banking). so now maybe I am building the foundations for that!

to make things clear

I do not think that there is anything wrong with Mysore. I met lovely local people there, Anu and her husband Ganesh, Tina, Gita and Lokesh! I appreciated their service for us, the great food, tailoring and big hearts and all.. I also met with very nice yoga students with whom I will probably keep in touch. When it comes to me having difficulties. I am aware that those were because of the conditioning's I had with myself, because of my attitudes! I do not blame Mysore or anyone... I do not pity myself, I do not feel sorry for myself. I am who I am but I am trying to change the way I perceive life, how I take it. I am not running away from difficulties. I have been through lots of difficulties in fact "the Anonymous" writer. I did not leave Mysore because of difficulties. Actually in my last week I was beginning to feel pretty much at home and feeling bad that I had to leave. but I left because they close the shala on 18th and I wanted to be with my sister in Pune and I really need to began meditating! I believe that it is time for me to relax! I pushed myself too much in the past, enduring situations which did not work very well for me and now I want to enjoy life, I do not want to take it so seriously. ohh if I do not pass this test of Mysore I am doomed ha! no I have been there, I enjoyed some of it and did not enjoy some of it and I am perfectly allowed to explore different things. I could stay there but I choose to not and I made a good decision. I am not running away from anything... I have already been there for 5 weeks and I am grateful for having that opportunity. so the Anonymous commenter, please do not harass me. this blog is my space where I open my heart but not to be stabbed.

Pune!

I have been in Pune for almost 6 days. The Osho meditation resort is like a paradise and sorry to disappoint but no orgies or pushy men... Lots of meditation most of them including dancing! I find it very enjoyable, dancing three times a day, what more you can ask for. It is much more expensive than rest of India but not unreasonable when you consider what you get. Food is good, mixture of healthy steamed veggies, and other Indian and western food. I am happy here. I do not have to think umm what to do rest of the day. In fact I have no time to come home except to sleep. I usually do three meditations during the day. I also did a two day painting course which was amazing. I might do another one which will be 10 day long... Practice has not been neglected but I might consider a bit since it became so rigid. Maybe I need to give some space to that and do other things which will be also very beneficial for me. I practiced at 3:30 am during the two day course since I had to attend to dynamic meditation at 6 am. The course began at 9:45 in the morning until 4 pm. After dynamic meditation not enough time to practice and go to breakfast before it closes at 9am and then after the course I have to attend to Kundalini meditation which is at 4:15pm and then at 6:40 pm the evening meeting... so I woke up at 3:30 am to practice... but I do not thing I should do that if I do the 10 day course. I might just reduce my practice to 1 hour and do it before I have my breakfast...
need to flexible ha! yes, I need to learn that!
Do I miss Mysore? I miss the practice in the shala for sure but not much else!

Last few days...

Tuesday I and my three other massage course drop out friends went to the Tibetan colony and visited the Golden temple. It was a long drive, about two and half hours and the road was a bit too bumpy, lots of joint release (something we learned from the massage course) but it was worth. The temple is beautiful but it is also kind of sad, the situation of Tibetan people… We took some pictures while also feeling a bit invasive. Yesterday I did some shopping and then had lunch with few people at Patricia’s. Patricia cooks Western food which can be heavenly after spending a month here. I did not realize how much I would get home sick by having a nice dessert with espresso!
When it comes to practice, it is okay. Tuesday I kept falling on my butt when trying to come up from my backdrops. I was a bit excited too with Swarsvati waiting for me. But yesterday was better; I managed to come up four times out of six trials. Today, Swarsvati came and then with the first one I fall on my butt again and she said “I will go, you do it”, so she figured what kind of nervous one I am… After she left, I managed to come up about four times again. However, today when I was at Tina’s for breakfast, this lady was telling how she lost her ability to come up from her backdrops in her last visit here. I thought ‘this is not good for you to hear Ahu’. Yeah it is all in my head, anyways, no going back, sorry Ahu, you waited too long to loose it.
Today I had a great conversation with Lokesh, the tailor, while having my coffee at Stand up café. He is very nice, we talked about how Indian people different than Westerners, etc… Then, I had lunch at Stand up Café at last. I have been wanting to that for a while but did not have the courage. Well, I did not know how to order, what to order… But I asked Lokesh in the morning and he gave me some tips, therefore, I handled it well and managed to have some idlys before leaving!
Tomorrow is my last practice at the shala. Then I am going to Green Hotel for my last night in Mysore. I wanted to have a pleasant stay in my last night, so I am giving myself this treat.

Yesterday, with my two other massage course drop out friends, we went to Lalitha Mahal Palace hotel for the pool. The hotel had a beautiful, quiet garden and the pool was very nice as well. We spent most of the day in there and got sun burned! It was nice to be away from Gokulam for few hours. It felt like a mini vacation.
But the real news is the fact that I did it at last! This morning I came up from my backdrops! There had to be a reason for me to stay one more week in Mysore, right? And this was the reason I guess because I don’t think it will be this soon for me to come up while I would be practicing by myself. It is the shala energy which gave me more confidence and also the tips that I have gotten from various friends here. I think the thing what arises with coming up is more of an opening of the heart. I have been feeling more open but also more exposed in a way that can be frightening… Anyways, I feel glad. In fact, I was so glad that I was almost going to hug Swarsvati. She is relieved I think because she had been giving me looks of “you again? Come up already!” So, she smiled at me and after doing back&forths and one deep backdrop, she said "tomorrow you hold your ankles."
Today I will join my land lady for lunch. She has been cooking since 4:30 am for her special puja lunch. That should be some kind of an experience for me…

Neglected Blog...

Yes, I have neglected my blog for a while. This is because I have been doing the massage course. One week of it is already finished and today is our off day. Tomorrow begins the second week. It has been quite an eventful one. We began as a group of thirteen people and now only seven of us left! Anyways, I guess I can say I am learning something. I can do two sessions now; one on the back, one on the front. What is surpirising for me is that I really enjoy giving massages. I thought I would like receiving massages more but I like both receiving and giving massages and actually, sometimes giving more…
Other than that, practice has been good. I get really tired with the massage course but still, practice is the best time of the day when I feel non of the tiredness. And gladly, I see difference in my practice for the better. I was not really expecting that in only a month but yes there are improvements. I began to half bend during head stands and then, I began to lift myself properly during in between navasanas. Lastly, this morning I realized that I might have a better lift and drag to vinyasas than before; still, not properly in any way but much better than earlier. Before it was so bad that I was not bothering and I was just putting my hands in front and jumping back… now I might begin practicing the lift and drag…
So, I dedicated my off day to shopping since it would be my last chance to do that before I leave next Saturday for Pune. The course will finish on Friday and then I am leaving next day with an evening flight. Today, with one of my friends from the massage course, I went to Rashinkars and actually orders a skirt to be made and then we went to another shop to look for shawls. I got one for mom and one for my aunt’s mom and my friend got four shawls for herself and as gifts. We were also going to look at the sandalwood shop but they were closed for lunch. I might go there when I go Wednesday to pick up my skirt. I actually had no intention to get anything done since I am leaving so soon but I saw this beautiful color cotton fabric, which is kind of pink but more like dried rose color… By the way, Lokesh made me the shirt I ordered at last and it turned out pretty nice so I ordered another one in another color but the maroon fisherman pants are still not done because he did not have the fabric… I hope he will get them done soon!
What else? I will go and see Guruji in half an hour. My one month is up tomorrow and I learned that I can pay him for a week! This is great! I did not know that I could pay him only for a week, so I was bumped thinking that I will be here in Mysore, and will be doing home practice!

Morning cap

This morning practice was good. I woke up with the determination that the practice was going to be good beside a sore throat. However, I forgot to do Baddha Konasana and realized that after Supta-Parsvasahita . I had to do it though, so I squeezed it between Supta-Parsvasahita and UbhayaPadangusthasana . I don’t know how lawful it is to do that but I did it anyways… just off the sequence… At the end, Guruji came to help me with the backdrops. At first, he kept telling me to come up but then he realized that I was not able to come up, and therefore, he helped me to come up. He has such a positive input whether he is standing beside you while you are practicing or helping you with an asana or just chuckling by the door when he sees Anna’s daughter… I enjoy his presence very much!
Today I have a sore, bitter throat and I am not sure if it is because I am getting cold or it is because of the pollution of burning garbage all over town.
One question: For whom Mysore is for? Is it really for anyone to criticize other people’s experience here? Is someone is shallow or avoiding their problems if they are having great time here and in the same way, is it such distasteful if someone is having hard time and is recognizing that? Can anyone decide that Mysore is not for some people? I don’t even thing that one can even answer for themselves until they go back and digest their experience…

A new week in Mysore...

Yesterday practice was good after couple of days of sluggish practice. I even feel like my backdrops are getting stronger and possibility to come up from them is getting a bit closer… However, today I was struggling with my new yoga rug… I never used one before and when I got here I got myself a rug. Charlie suggested that Mysore has the best yoga rugs when we bumped into him in the Yoga Show just before I left London. So, I bought a nice one in my first week of my journey, but the first time I tried to use it, I was sliding from it during downward dogs… I thought maybe if I wash it will not be slippery anymore. I washed it but this morning I was still sliding from it. To tell the truth, I am not fan of having lots of nick knacks while I am practicing but sometimes I feel like it might help to have a rug especially since my back sticks out so much and I get bruises from Gaba-Pindasana and also sometimes I sweat too much and I begin to slip from my rubber mat (but now I could not manage to not slip from cotton rug even without tons of sweat…)
Anyways, other than mat issues and practice, things are fine. Yesterday I took a walk to Café world but apparently Café World of Mysore do not follow yoga students’ time schedule. They were still closed when it was pass 9 am. I learned that they open at 10 am. So, I had to walk around until then. I went to Loyal World, got some nuts and walked back. When I was back there were two more yoga students waiting for the coffee, and then one more showed up. I asked for an americano but when I wanted a bit of milk in it, this turned out to be a problem. The girl who was serving the coffee was absolutely against of giving me milk to put into the black coffee. She was saying that it is cappuccino, this is black coffee, cannot be with milk. I was telling her that I will pay for the extra milk but no, she was very upset with me but then one of the other students came to my help and he said “can you give milk on the side?”, she again said something about cappuccino, he said “okay” and then she consented somehow. I thing she was saying that she will punch it as a cappuccino, meaning she will charge me for a cappuccino because of the extra milk. But, at the end, when I was paying the bill, they only charged me for an americano… I don’t know if I will ever go back there again. I somehow enjoy the male dominated stand up café where I can get that coffee mixed with chicory, over which they pour hot milk. I can also go to Shakti house for breakfast and have their French pressed good coffee anytime I am craving coffee…
I also visited Lokesh, the tailor, again. I wanted to see if he could do anything to the top of my dress which he made for me but not possible, it is done. Then I ordered a blouse, which I have seen on another yoga student but different color of it, and a maroon Thai fisherman pants for Pune, so I can practice in them while I am in the ashram. I thing Lokesh is a very nice man. Every time, I ask him "a bit of discount?" and he never turns me down! He gives me bits of discounts like 20 rupees, 25 rupees… I guess he will remember me as the bargain girl. Well, I cannot help it, I like to ask to see if anything happens, but I am not persistent…
One last thing: Kumar began Kundalini meditations this week. So, it will run from Monday to Wednesday. I like it so far...

Daily life and some more in Mysore

Yesterday we took a cooking class from Tina. I am sure all read CJ so I do not need to elaborate on it. But few words about Tina: she is very informative, she knows her cooking, she is a very good teacher (authoritative as well!) and her English is extremely good, better than mine. The food was great; we got to eat it at the end. I ate so much I could not eat anything after that late lunch (she makes us starve before tasting the food so we will like it :)) At night, there was Kirtan at the Shakti House. It was my first Kirtan experience and I really enjoyed it. It was for a charity helping poor people in India.
Today, me , Violetta and CJ went to Southern Star for breakfast. Krista was suppose to come as well but she had to attend a post funeral ceremony. I don’t think I will go to Southern Star for breakfast again. It is expensive food which you can food anywhere in Mysore for much cheaper and the atmosphere was not so appealing for me. Yes, it is a fancy hotel and they seem to have a beautiful garden but the breakfast is indoors. I would rather be outdoors than to be in air-conditioned place. Anyways, after that we ventured into the city for some shopping. I got Iyengar’s book “Light on Life”. It is suppose to be very good. Currently, I am reading one of Osho’s book on Yoga which I enjoy…
Then we returned to Gokulam after a weird record shopping experience which we got into because of CJ! After coming to Gokulam, I stopped by Suddha’s to buy myself one of those fancy bags she makes. There I bumped into Matthew and had a great conversation with him. I was telling him how I began loosing all my opinions, even enthusiasm about yoga since I have been to Mysore. And he told me something which sounds very correct: “The real practice begins when you don’t want to practice”. I could tell million of things about yoga before coming to Mysore, how good it is, how much I enjoy and why I enjoy yoga, and how it contributes to my life, etc… Now I feel like I cannot say a thing. But I believe this is not bad at all, I need all my perceptions to be shattered before I build truer ones.

Mysore mess dissolving!

Things are getting better. I sorted out some of the mess, so I feel more relaxed. My land lady is a bit of pushy though, which can be annoying but I have to learn how to deal with those sorts of things. She keeps pressuring me about taking cooking classes from her or making my friends take cooking classes from her, asking for their cell numbers etc… She also questioned me about where I had breakfast yesterday morning… I do not understand it really, I support her by staying there and paying rent but I also want to support other people here who are offering their services and I also want to have the opportunity socialize and meet with new people by going out. I have to learn to have things my way without getting frustrated and overreacting and when it is necessary I have to make myself clear enough. This trip had been mostly about anything but practice so far, but I guess it showed that there is so much yoga in life that I need work on.
This morning was led primary. I am feeling a bit heavy these days, I guess getting close to that period of month, so I had my first sluggish practice in the shala.
My latest plans are taking the core integration ayurvedic and yoga massage course which will run for 14 days (given by Kumar and Rassal) and then leave Mysore on the 2nd of December for Pune. I will see how it will go in Pune. My sister will join me there so I might feel better…
Yesterday CJ was suggesting that I might want to change my blog name to Mysore mess! It is actually not a bad idea :) it would make me laugh at myself every time I write my blog! But overall I have been lucky to meet with some great people here...
Hey I will get a massage from Kumar this Sunday, thanks to Carry!!!

Not so fabulous

So I am not having fabulous time in Mysore. I apologize from all those who would so much would like to be here… It seems like my three month stay will not be even two months but only one month. My one month will end around 26th of November. On the other hand, I want to take the massage workshop Kumar will be giving together with Rassal, but that begins on the 17th of this month and ends on the 1st of December. This means that I will have 6 days in Mysore where I will not be going to the shala, since I will not pay for a whole new month for 6 more days. I am not sure if this will be easy, if I will manage self practice here while knowing that the shala is boiling with breaths of many, alive and so powerful…
Well, no decisions yet, I will wait and see how I feel in a week. Then I will decide whether not to take the workshop and leave as soon as my month is up or take the workshop and stay longer and do self practices before the workshop.
I am not embarrassed or anything about having such difficulty adjusting because I have heard of many who had such problems on their first trip… You live and learn, and I think I will leave Mysore with some kind of knowledge. After leaving Mysore I will go to Pune as my sister insists. She loves it there and I usually love what she loves, I mean I have faith in her. Yeah, well she warned me about Mysore but then I did not listen… Anyway, it is my time to explore and every exploration does not have to be fabulous…

The mess...

I got myself into a mess with the housing situation… it is a long story and I am tired of telling about it. to cut it short, I am still not settled. I really believe that India magnifies things that people have issues with. I am staying with friends and waiting for some money and also waiting to meet with this lady who is renting out the room which is at the top floor of her house. I need to be positive, and so much. By the way, this keyboard sucks so I will not be able to write much.
We did self practice on Saturday afternoon, not wanting to take two days off and also just to be testing the roof and see how practice goes there, we might have much of those practices at the end of December when shala closes for 12 days! There was a moon party on Saturday night but neither of us wanted to go so badly, so we stayed in and had a quite night. Led practice this morning was good but I was really tired at the end of it…

Under the spotlights!

I have neglected my blog for a while because Anu’s was closed and internet in the other internet place was not working properly. But not much missed. This morning was led primary for everyone. While, us, the 6 o’clock group was waiting outside, we heard a loud noise and then electrical wires began sparkling. It was this big tree across from the shala, further up, falling down and hitting the wires! Luckily no harm was done to any living creature. Guruji came out and asked “what is going on?” And then everything proceeded as it should. When our group went in, I first put my mat to the left, on the second raw but then I realized that our group was much less crowded (I actually suspect that some people from our group sneaked to the earlier group, anyways…) and to avoid being squeezed in there, I began moving to the back where it was much more spacious. However, just when I was settling in, Sharat pointed me and said “you, come here!”, and then pointed the spot right in front of Guruji which opened up after the people from the earlier group, who were paying respects to Guruji, left. So, I did my practice under the spotlights. Thank god I did no silly, funny thing, and finished my practice without being embarrassed.
Tomorrow is no practice and Sunday is a moon day but I am planning to the a bit of something tomorrow. But of course all this depends on my living situation. At the moment, I am waiting, and hoping to be moving to this flat! Please cross you fingers for me!

Guruji affect

This morning, I practiced right in front of Guruji’s office and next to the wall. The wall made things a bit tough sometimes but still it was great. I was surrounded with men so there was lots of male energy around me, but in a good way, just strong energy. During Prasarita Padottanasana C Guruji came and said “head down, hands down”. It was funny because my hands were hitting against the wall and I was trying to move a bit back so I can get down… At the end, during backbends, Guruji came and began waiting in front of me. After the third one, he gently pulled me up and made me do three back drops one after another and three back&forths and the last back drop with moving hands in, each time saying “exhaaal”. They were intense and deep and great! After practice, when I went to pay my respects to Guruji, he asked me “where are you from?” I said “Turkiye, Turkey”, he said in a bit confused way “Turkey?” I guess he does not get many students from Turkey. So I said “I was in London for a year and my teacher was Cary Perkins”, then he said “one year?” well, it has not been a whole year since I began practicing Mysore style and unfortunately I could not practice for a whole year with Cary but I was in London for a year so I said “yes” and left…
So far, practice in the shala has been very inspiring, energizing! I really appreciate this opportunity and I really believe it will bring out what I have inside and improve my practice. The only bummer is that the shala is closed for 12 days at the end of December. What to do, what to do?? Got a decide.
One last note; I still have moments of “What the hell I am doing here”, especially when I go to bed at night. I guess one reason for that is, I still cannot let go this other very busy world and be here wholly and some other reasons as well…

Who goes first???

I woke up at 3AM this morning with the sound of the pouring rain. For a while, I thought it was so nice and then suddenly I remembered the clothes that I washed and hanged out! That was enough to not let me go back to sleep until I have to wake up. I was at the shala by 6AM. There were several people waiting. I began waiting as well and then more people came. The last person who came in asked me who came the last, and I said several people came in after me but I am not sure. At this instant, they were only shouting from inside “one more, come in!” So Sharat was not coming out and picking out people. Few more people went in, and then people began getting anxious, who goes next and who does not. One girl said to me it is not who arrived first, it is who registered first, and then I think someone else asked her when they told her to come in. She said “6:30 but I came a bit earlier” (30 minutes earlier!). And the woman who came the last authoritatively told us that it is only the very old students of Guruji goes by registration (or privileged in some manner I guess) and the others go in according to when they arrive that morning. As soon as she said this, they called her in even though she was last to arrive! I loved that, it was so good! It is also amazing how they feel what is going on out there, in the waiting area. Sharat suddenly began picking people instead of shouting one more. So, I was called in a bit after. I was put right in the front, in between two people who were practicing intermediate. The girl on my left, I have practiced with her side by side on one Sunday at Hamish’s. After she finished, Hamish came in her spot! It was very inspiring to be practicing in between all these people who had great practice. They let me do my practice again without any intervention. At the end, Sharat came to help me with backdrops. I said I can drop back but cannot come up, he said “you come up first then you drop back”. He made me do three going back and forths and one drop back.
After breakfast I went into town, to get myself gold earrings! I first went to the shop I was recommended but I found nothing there that was like what I wanted. So, I went into the smaller shop which was next to it and there I found the perfect gold round earrings with dangling stones! I bought them and came back. On my way to home, I stopped by Kumar’s house just to see if I can make an appointment with him (he is super busy). He was at home luckily. I told him that I would like to have a massage from him and also that I am considering to take his next massage class. First, he said that if I am still here in December, I can take it but then he said that he will begin this super intensive massage course with another person. It is 7 hours a day for 14 days. He said that is why he is so busy and how he will not be able to give any massages during that time. But that sounded perfect because I want to take massage course and he said you get so many massages when you are doing the course. I am so excited and I will definitely take it. One other thing which makes me so sure that I want to take Kumar’s course is that there was a big Osho picture in his house and there were Osho sayings written around. When I told him that I am from Turkey, he said this other person who would lead the class with him goes to Turkey a lot and I might know him. I told him that my sister might know him since she works in Osho center and goes to Puna every year, and she will be there in January and me too (hopefully!). Then he said that he will go to Puna in January also! He also told me that he does Osho meditation everyday and I should stop by! I am very excited because I feel like this is the other thing I should definitely do here and him being an Osho devotee is also very comforting and would make sister so happy!! Cannot wait to let her know!

Moving forward

This was meant to be published yesterday but blogger is not cooperating in these days. Mercury retro does it I guess...
Sunday OCT 29th
Today was led primary at 5am. I woke up pretty early and I am staying so close to the shala but I was late! Well, I thought if I would be there too early no one would be there, but that was wrong, everyone gets there early to get a spot and especially on Sunday mornings because there is only one primary led class on Sundays and so many who comes to that one. Anyways, I managed to squeeze myself into some corner and managed to do the practice somehow from that corner! I learned my lesson though!
Practice was good, very good. Sharat led it and I like his pace. While leaving I asked him 6:30 tomorrow morning, right? He said “you came at 6”! That made me happy because last Thursday, he was already gone for his own class in the middle of my practice. So, now I might get some guidance… even if I do not, it seems like just practicing here seems to be making lots of difference in my practice. For example, I tend to have hard time with left side when binding for Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana but today Sharat was walking around me so I said to myself “okay just catch it and lean forward… don’t think much.” I guess sometimes fear can make you do somethings that you think you cannot do…
Other than practice, it seems like I making friends. I enjoy Christine’s company who also stayed at Shakti house for a day when she first came in. We had breakfast at Shakti house with this American couple who also just arrived…
For the rest of the day, I don’t have any plans. I will see what comes up.

Running around...

Today was supposed to be a rest day but I have been running around. Woke up before 8am, went to Tina’s for breakfast since they had no breakfast at Shakti house. It was very good food, I had high protein porridge and it was really high protein! I met a nice Italian girl there and told her about my housing situation, my reservations about staying without being able to cook. She had a friend who will need a roommate in November so she took me there. Her friend was also very nice, she told me that I can stay in their living room for couple of days if I need to. Then on my way back to Shakti, I saw this other girl whom I met during my first day at dinner. She also told me that there is this place where her friends lives ad there they might have an opening soon. So, she took me over there since it was only five minutes away. I guess it is the rule that you say what you need then you get help, I was worrying so much last night and when it is all in your head, problems get bigger than they really are. Everyone knows something or someone and they are willing to help you. Anyways, her friend was also very nice and actually she turned out to be Eric’s student when he was teaching in the States. The room in that house is going to be available tomorrow, I saw it, it is okay, but I guess the previous place I saw was nicer. Then I went to talk to Shiva. Told him that I need a place where I can cook. He said there might me this flat available after October 3rd. He told me that I have already paid Gita some money so I better spent a week in her house and see if I find something better. He also told me to go and get a contact number (which means go get a SIM card for my phone) so he can contact me when there are flats, rooms that he can show me. I ran to a phone shop, but they needed a copy of my id so ran across the street to do that (the rickshaw, scooter/motorbike frenzy is making me dizzy, takes long time to cross the streets), then back to the shop and it took a while for me to figure out what I was getting, why it did not have a pin number (it just does not have that is what I figured) and what I was paying for in terms of minutes, how to make international calls (conclusion is just don’t, let them call you!), I guess I drove the guy crazy with all the questions... not to forget, they want a photo of yours as well! I also got an adaptor for my charger. Then I went to Gita to tell her that I will stay for a week. She is so nice! She said that she cooks for yoga students and her food is not so spicy but she was very understanding. Therefore, I will spend a week there. Her house has a very good energy though, it feels so right for some reason but I need to be able to do some simple cooking… When I was moving in, she had some yogis for lunch. She asked me if I want to try her food but I declined because I just did not want to interfere with these people’s lunch since they made a reservation for this special, intimate lunch beforehand…
I will see what comes across… Tomorrow is led practice at 5am! Cannot wait.

Mysore begins!

So I made it to Mysore. It was a tiring journey. My plane from Istanbul landed at 3:30 am to Bombay and then I had to wait for 6 hours for my other flight to Bangalore. When I arrived to Bangalore, the driver Shiva sent was there, thanks god. On the way to Mysore, even though I tried to keep my head up and have my first glimpses of India, my head kept falling like a junkie’s… I thought that when I arrive to Mysore, I will sleep all day but once I was there, I was all awake. I even managed to register with a bit of goofiness on my part because I did not have enough money when paying Guruji! Well, he was nice, so I went back to the ATM machine and got more money and I was set.
Yesterday was my first practice. They called me to come at 6:30am. I was really nervous that I would do something silly, fall onto someone or something. Guruji was not around much and later in the middle of my practice Sharat left, I guess to lead his own classes. Saraswati helped me with coming up from backdrops! She is so strong, I have never been pulled up that strongly before. SO I did the whole primary without being stopped, but I am not sure if that will be the case for the rest of my stay. Today was a led class. Sharat told us to come at 6am but we waited outside for a good half an hour. Then we were led by Guruji and he is FAST!
Other than all this, yesterday I went to the city, to this store recommended by Shakti house and got a yoga rug for 280 rupees! Today, I went to Ashok bookstore in the city with C who just arrived this morning around 4am, she is also staying at the Shakti temporarily… kind of made a friend I guess… Ohh also, I found a place, a room in an Indian ladies house, she is renting out her rooms to female yoga students. I am suppose to move in tomorrow but now I have doubts because I will not be able to cook!
How do I feel? I kind of want to be invisible some of the times. It fells awkward. I guess part of me developed an anthropologist eventually after this one year program at LSE . I feel responsible, feel like intruding in local people’s lives. But then I am aware that they make their lives on yoga students…
Still searching for the truth, but it seems nowhere close yet…

The big day!

Yes, I am off to Mysore this evening! I am so excited! And this morning, after so many weeks, I had a rocking practice! I woke up at 5:30 am, it was great, I have been having hard time waking up since I have been here in Istanbul, and I was worrying how I will mange in Mysore, I guess I will need be at the Shala around 5 am, right? I believe this is related to the wonderful Skype talk I had with Cary! Now I understand how important it is to have a good teacher, even talking to her over the internet can influence my practice for the better, think how it can help when I study with a good teacher! It was great to talk to her before I leave for Mysore.
I know it will be great! And as Cary said, I am so lucky to be going to Mysore in my first year of practice. I don’t care at all what others thing here about Mysore, I know I will benefit a lot, my practice will benefit a lot externally and internally! And about all that bandha talk, as I assumed, Cary told me that it is not so realistic to expect someone to get bandhas right in their first year of practice and she said you learn it almost intuitively as you practice, suddenly it clicks. Anyways, I should stop worrying about all this talk in Istanbul, criticism of Mysore etc… I am beginning a great journey! I will for sure have much more interesting stuff to write about when I am in Mysore!

Lazy me

I am not lazy with my practice, I am lazy with my writing. I have been reading; I read a book, I read the papers, I read other people’s blogs, I comment on other people blogs but I am not writing my own blog… Well, sister is back from Israel so it will be more fun to hang out in her house, without her super bored cats attacking me to feed them or pet them or release them from the house. Now I can spend more time there and use my beloved imac.
Last week, there was only one led ashtanga class, I was planning to go to Saturday open class too but then I thought it would be just fair to give my body a rest after no rest for almost two weeks. Also, I began realizing that there are things I need to do before I take off to Mysore such as ordering more contact lenses of which I have non left etc… I was actually considering getting laser surgery to get rid of glasses and contact lenses but I am going back to my no way stance, it is just a inner voice which does not approve of it…
Anyways, last Wednesday’s class was good and before class I got to talk to Eric for a while. He is negative of Mysore which is no news by now. He told me that I might need to take joint supplements since my knee had been bothering me a bit and since it is known that they are not so gentle on knees in Mysore… He also said it might be my mind playing games with me before I leave… I don’t know about how they are over there, I just want to go and see for myself. I don’t like to take people’s words for everything especially when there are so many controversial opinions about something… I just feel like I will be all right there and I really need it. And about my mind playing games, well that might be true, I am a bit nervous, keep thinking at what asana they will stop me and all that… but I am being gentle with knees, I know they like to go on their own pace.

Moon day practice!

I have been silent for a while, well maybe a bit lazy… also I keep my laptop in my sister’s apartment since she has a wireless internet connection, so if I don’t spend so much time over there, then I lag behind my writing…
In between my last blog and now, I committed a violation. I went to a class on Saturday, which was also the moon day. It was Eric’s class but not an ashtanga class, it was an “open” class. So, we did lots of balancing which was a bit dreadful but very beneficial for me since my balance is not so good. I guess I will go this coming Saturday as well, especially because we have only one ashtanga led class this week because of some schedule adjustment for a visiting Kundalini yoga teacher. But then starting next week, we will have three led ashtanga classes! Then I am off to India (hopefully)! I am still waiting for self-practice classes, maybe they will be in schedule when I come back from Mysore.
Okay, nothing so interesting going on. Still trying to come up form my backdrops but it does not feel likely any time soon… I guess I will feel lots going on when I get to Mysore, so I will be more interesting to read. Also, what can I say when I am practicing by myself most of the time. Ohh one thing is my right knee. It suddenly began hurting yesterday, on the inner side, it is a weird pain, like burning… it is not too much but it got me worried a bit, I want to be injury free when I get to Mysore.
And my achy tooth, it is getting better. I guess I will be fine before my trip!
One last thing I have to add is I love The Flaming Lips!

Not a threat

This week’s led practices at the shala were actually fine. I think I am getting used to the environment and the environment is getting use to my presence. Monday evening Eric decided to do second series! Of course we did not do the whole second, but the asanas we did were okay… I am still finding it unconventional but this is how my journey is shaping, so I should go with the flow as long as it is not something so unacceptable. Yesterday evening was fun too. First of all, as usual I got to the shala half on hour before the class. However, this time I could not go to the room to sit in meditation because Eric was giving a private lesson, so I had to sit with my favorite character in class, that woman who had been distressing me. I guess this is universe’s way of straightening our attitudes. So, we had to communicate for about a half an hour, well of course we did not have to but we did. I told her about my trip to Mysore, we talked about being vegetarian, becoming a teacher, how evening classes are a bit of a drag… I guess she is actually harmless. She has some insecurities and that is why she was the way she was to me in the beginning. But I think she realized that I am not a threat and I am just there to do my practice… I actually think that we might even have some of the same insecurities but the way they come out from two different persons is also different… I usually become self depreciating… Anyways, enough of analyzing…
I keep in touch with my yoga friends in London. I miss them so much. I miss morning Mysore classes. Actually, last night Eric wanted to do a Mysore class but people were too afraid of not being led and, so they objected. I think they are not aware that they will do fine, no need to be a pro. I guess that is how everyone feels in the beginning, I did not think I could do self practice classes until I took Tony’s introduction to ashtanga yoga workshop… and then it took a month for me to actually go to Mysore classes but that was because I thought I would not be able to wake up at 6am in the morning. Now I miss waking up early and going to shala to practice with everyone else. I also wake up early to do my own self-practice at home but for some reason, I don’t feel quite awake, like I did when I practiced in the studio with everyone else. Ohh I miss Cary very much as well. I keep in touch with her too, and we will see each other in Mysore, we will have a whole month to spend together!
The latest update on the tooth ache is that it is getting better, less achy but at night it gets worse… will see my dentist today. On Monday, I cried in the dentist chair ☹ I had so many troubles with my teeth, dental surgeries and all, now I freak out and also it was hurting and he kept asking all these questions… Hopefully it will be over before my trip.